May 22, 2013

Huge transfer dealings this summer? What do we do with ourselves now?

The summer’s on it’s way; relax, unwind and enjoy the glorious sunshine… All two days of it.

Good morning everyone.

First up; apologies. I’ve been eager to post sooner than today given our triumphant securing of 4th place, but the elements have conspired against me. Well, I say “elements” – what I really mean is other people. More specifically; other people who decide to smash into my stationary, parked car and cause an incredible amount of damage, resulting in me having to spend most of my free blogging time on the phone with various garages and insurances companies.

Life’s a bitch sometimes.

I’m not sure what any of that has to do with Arsenal – nothing – but it is nice to be able to put the words into print and vent a little. I’m sure none of you will begrudge me that.

On toward more pertinent matters…

I’ll be honest; I did not enjoy Sunday one little bit. Aside from the absolutely hilarious goal that wasn’t a goal, and the reaction of Spurs’ fans, the day was essentially a comprehensive test of my anxiety levels and bowels. Mercifully, they both passed. Just.

Up until the final whistle, I could barely stand to watch. But like the players and management did when it was all over, I cheered like we’d won the World Cup, Champions League and Premiership all at the same time. Some might have you believe we shouldn’t cheer something that’s not a trophy, or an accomplishment perceived to be beneath us, but who cares? We got where we needed to be. It may not have been the Club’s finest hour, but undoubtedly worth celebrating in the context of the season.

And that brings with it the question, “Where do we go from here?”. The team have performed well in recent weeks, but few could realistically dispute the need for reinforcements. We have good players at Arsenal, but we also have dead wood and a few stragglers hanging about.

I genuinely believe this will be the summer we build on what we have, and not another summer where we lose players. For the first time in a while, we don’t have doubt hanging over the future of a star player, or constant bleating of interest from our unscrupulous friends in Catalonia. We can keep this squad of players together, and most importantly, we can flex our financial muscles and make good additions.

The Puma sponsorship will bring in cash, as will securing Champions League football – assuming we come through the qualifier, that is. We reportedly already have a whopping stack of notes just waiting to be splurged on shiny new players. The summer could be very interesting indeed, and for all the right reasons.

And that’s where I’ll leave it for today. There will be a lot of lost faces wandering around now the football season is over.  We are entering the silly season of rumours and wild-eyed speculative nonsense. Paper will report, rags will fabricate and websites I loathe will attempt to lure you in will annoying titles.

Me? I intend to be here for you all through the upcoming madness. I can offer you help to alleviate the boredom – you could take up dancing, read a book, field strip a Kanashlikov blindfolded, go running, make sweet love to a beautiful man/woman on the beach, or you could learn how to play roulette online for free at www.onlineroulette.com. Alternatively, you can visit www.pokersitesonline.com to learn how to play poker, if you are of the betting, gaming persuasion. You could take a moment to marvel at how wonderfully I slotted those little links into the post…

What I do hope is you’ll pop by reguarly. This little blog of mine continues to grow, and that’s all down to you wonderful people. For your contributions and time, I thank you all very much.

There is a handy comments section below, and let’s get that gossip ball rolling, shall we? Who are your 3 ideal signings for Arsenal over the summer? Forget about the history of our parsimonious approach, imagine we’re going to go on a wild spending spree and shock the world. I look forward to reading a few of your thoughts.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 19, 2013

Newcastle (a): thoughts, team news and predicted starting XI.

Not if you’re in the Champions League…

Morning folks.

The enormously important day is upon us. Trembling bowels, obliterated fingernails, cold sweats and bouts of thunderous anxiety; I’ve got them all and kick-off is hours away. The significance of today might be mocked by those with greater prizes already secured, but to us Gooners it not only means another season of Champions League football, but finishing above that rowdy mob of second-stringers from next door. A win is vital, anything less is unthinkably awful.

And there have been a few developments since I spoke to you last. Mikel Arteta’s chances of featuring in any way still appear slim. Waiting in the wings to play before surgery and under the influence of painkillers is Jack Wilshere. I’m not sure that’s a particularly good idea. It’s obvious Jack isn’t fit. We have Ramsey, Rosicky and Cazorla as an option for the central 3, and their fitness levels are high. Risking Wilshere, regardless of the games importance, could easily be as much a hinderance as it is a help.

Olivier Giroud returns from suspension and is expected to go straight back into the team, and we have no other injuries to report – other than Abou Diaby, who has fractured or ruptured 13 different areas of his anatomy in the type it took me to type his name.

I’d guess we will line up like this, but I do expect when push comes to shove Arsene will see fit to play Wilshere:

On paper, that’s a team that should comfortably dispatch a Newcastle team that haven’t been at the races all season. However, our opponents have some ‘incentives’ to win today. Owner, Mike Ashley, has bizarrely offered a £1m bonus to all non-footballing staff should The Toon beat us. As is often the case, the major news outlets have pounced on that and magically transformed it into something else.

Had he offered that kind of cash to his players, then you have a story. Quite what the non-footballing staff are going to do influence the result is beyond me – although, I shouldn’t mock lest we hear stories of Newcastle’s tea lady assaulting Gervinho with a slice of Battenburg.

On the playing side, Newcastle could finish as high as 10th, or as low as 17th depending how the results pan out. The difference in revenue for that is something in the region of £5m , so their a certainly a few financial reason for Newcastle to perform.

And we have absolutely got to assume that they are going to.

They have quite a few players that are capable of doing damage should the mood take them. Alan Pardew may have comfortable won ‘Dumb-Ass of the Year’ when he spluttered out this nugget of hilarity,

“I don’t care if Arsenal beat us 4-0 as long as the fans are happy”

but we have to walk out onto the pitch alert and ready to battle for each, every and any ball. Anything other than 100% focus and commitment as unacceptable – well, it is as far as I’m concerned.

And that’s about all there is to report. It’s going to be a nervy, painful afternoon of flipping around other matches and hoping they don’t matter in the slightest. The task is simple; win, and we finish where we want to be. It may not be pretty, enjoyable or memorable, but I don’t care. Just get there, Arsenal. It would be nice if you could do it having won 5-0 at a canter, though – for the sake of my sanity and bowels, at the very least.

The comments await below for all your thoughts and hopes for the day. How to you expect us to line-up? would you risk Jack if Arteta does miss out? Are you as restless and nervous as I am? Let me know.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 17, 2013

Arteta doubtful for Newcastle, more new kit pictures and thoughts ahead of the weekend.

Gervinho looked on in awe as Mikel managed to kick a ball towards that huge, scary rectangular thing with a net.

Morning Goonery boys ‘n’ girls.

Friday seems to consistently throw up bad news. Today is no different. Mikel Arteta’s solid and diligent performances in midfield are rightly credited as being the strength of our recent resolve. Like Gilberto Silva, he is often an unsung hero; his unflashy yet imperative work often goes unnoticed.

So it’s bloody bad news that our Spanish friend is highly unlikely to take part against Newcastle due to a particularly inconvenient calf problem. Currently he is being assessed by the club’s medical staff – who, I presume, can afford to take 5 minutes away from Abou Diaby – and we should know more about his chances at some point today.

If he does indeed miss out on the trip to St James’ Park, Arsene Wenger will have to decide wether it is worth risking Jack Wilshere from the start of the game. If he doesn’t, I can only assume Cazorla and Rosicky will play centrally with Ramsey doing the mopping-up behind. Giroud will be available having served his suspension, so Podolski will be able to drop back to the left of our attacking triumvirate.

That’s all speculative, however, and we will know a great deal more as the big fixture approaches. And that’s about the entirety of Arsenal stories. There are a few transfer rumours floating around, but nothing worth a mention. Most of what you see is the kind of guff that a certain site (Think; Emmanuel Adebayor is constantly…..) puts up with those irritating titles like,

“Hey!! Click Here! We want you to believe your favourite team are planning a mega, super, awesome, incredible, fantastic, daring, audacious, phenomenal double swoop for two Brazilian footballers that will cost a whopping £400m!! Please click on or site! Please!”

That same feculent rag attempted to take credit for this picture of a rather superb mock-up of what one of our kits might look like when Puma begins their sponsorship in 2014:

Puma and Arsenal: What it could be.

As it was pointed out yesterday on Le Grove, the person actually responsible, and the one that deserves the credit in full for a lovely bit of work is a very talented individual with the Twitter handle, @LAGVILAVA7. If you needed any more proof of the website I shan’t name’s utter abhorrence, then you have it.

And I think that’s were I shall leave it for today. With Sunday’s game approaching fast, I’m starting to feel the occasional burst of nerves, and my morning ablutions are less forgiving than usual. To say we have to win is something of an understaement. Failure to do so, to fall short and finish behind Spurs, to be dumped unceremoniously into the Europa League whilst that mob play with Europe’s elite, is unthinkable to me.

The very thought is about as appealing as attending a sex dungeon with John Terry as your date. In fact, I’m going to cease from mentioning it now, and punch myself repeatedly in the testicles until the resulting agony wipes my memory of this post.

All that is left if for me to point you toward the comments. Although – if you leave one I will have to come back to read it and be reminded of what I’ve said. And that means I’ll have no choice but to repeat the punching-testicles memory wipe. And that means I’ll come back should there be another comment…

This might go on forever. Don’t leave a comment.

As always, thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 16, 2013

David Beckham’s retirement: an Arsenal perspective.

Wilshere, Beckham and Podolski: BFFs

Evening all.

It’s not often I offer you wonderful people the luxury of a bonus post, but today I’ll doing exactly that. David Beckham’s retirement from football is huge news. It may not be the kind of news any of us particularly care about all that much, but it’s news of enormity regardless.

There are many things I like to do; read, think, bet on sports, watch movies, consume copiously, engage in carnal practices with enchanting maidens and I do like to compile the odd bullet-point list on occasion.

You see, folks – I’ve always had a soft spot for David Beckham. I know that type of statement will be met with vitriol by quite a few of you, but I do remain an unabashed fan. He has been an excellent ambassador for English football, and in a game filled to the brim with rapists, racists, thugs and fat idiots who enjoy pensioner sex, he is one of the very few who can be considered a good role model for children.

So, with that in mind, it’s time for a rather pointless list that I’m doing primarily for my own enjoyment. It will feature a few of my favourite Beckham moments that in someway relate to Arsenal.

  • The alleged remark that caused Alex Ferguson to throw a football boot at him was after we had won an FA Cup tie at Old Trafford. I paraphrase, but reports suggest he said “You just got mugged again by Arsene Wenger on national television”
  • He’s offered words of praise and support to many of our younger players during the times he has trained with the club.
  • He took Darren Anderton’s position in the national team. A position that hopeless second-stringer from Spurs only inhabited on account of Glenn Hoddle’s moronic bias and inability to see a completely useless player when presented with one.
  • That free-kick against Greece is probably the only non-Arsenal goal I have ever cheered.
  • He puts a smile on my Mum’s face – the saucy old cow.
  • His aftershave got me laid once.
  • Ermmmm… That’s about it.

So, I will finish this little extra piece by putting the floor open to you. As an Arsenal fan, do you respect David Beckham’s accomplishments and his persona? Do you hate him just because he is David Beckham? Do you have a favourite moment?

Let me know in the comments, and thanks for reading again, you beautiful bastards.

More tomorrow.

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May 16, 2013

New away kit leaked, Emirates Cup, Remy no-no, and round-up.

“C’mon in, have a cup of tea, make yourselves at home…”

Morning everyone.

Yesterday’s main news was the announcement of the teams to compete for the prestigious (…) Emirates Cup  - a trophy of sorts, but one we might actually win, and at this stage I’ll gladly take it. Joining Napoli and FC Porto in August will be Turkish giants, Galatasaray, and they’re a choice many folks in the Goonersphere aren’t especially pleased with.

I can’t say I blame anyone for being disgruntled. We all remember the incidents in Copenhagen in 2000, we all still hold a grudge against Piers Morgan for his loathsome part in the banning of Arsenal supporters. Why wouldn’t ill-will still be felt towards notoriously violent fans who caused the trouble that day heading to a traditionally family-oriented affair on our own pitch?

The whole thing highlights just how disjoined our board are from the supporters. Yes, there is an argument to be made for letting bygones be bygones, and the  sorry affair did take place 13 years ago. But people don’t forget, and an Arsenal fan was stabbed that day. Common sense really should have prevailed on this one.

Also lacking in common sense – it would appear – is another transfer target of ours, and he’s been a very naughty boy (allegedly). QPR striker Loic Remy has been arrested on suspicion of rape.

It’s difficult to know what to think about such claims. Could a professional footballer rape an innocent woman? Absolutely. Could a woman use claims such as this to extort funds from someone she knows to be very wealthy? Absolutely. Will we ever know the truth? Absolutely not. Loic Remy’s guilt is not for us to decide. There’s a rule of innocent until proven guilty in this country.

One thing is for certain, Arsene doesn’t tend to go for players with personal issues hanging over them, so if Arsenal were interested in pursuing the Frenchman in the summer, I’d say it’s a certainty we will be looking elsewhere now.

In more pertinent news, little Theo has been speaking about the fear that’s driving the team toward the glittery trophy of 4th place…

Wait! There isn’t a trophy? What?! Seriously?!

Can I make one especially? No?

Well that’s disappointing…

Having put in a sterling performance on Tuesday filled with his customary bursts of Roadrunner-like speed, Walcott says the team are keen to emulate their predecessors’ history of making the Champions League, and the thought of being remembered as those that failed is what drives them on:

“We just have great experience in knowing what to do when the time is right. It is funny. It happens every year.

“We tend to finish very strong. I think it is just because the players want it so much.

“Champions League football is big for the future of the club and the players. We have been in it for the last 15 years and we don’t want to be the players who are not part of that.

“We just need to show that in the mid-season and at the start and we could hopefully be even higher than we are and not have this situation we are in”

I agree with the last part. Our current spell of good form and performance does beg the question of why it couldn’t be more forthcoming during the middle of the season, but all that is irrelevant. The remaining fixture is one we have to win, and that’s no more than we should focus on. The summer is the correct time to address any perceived problems with the squad.

Lastly, I came across this photo of what could very well be Nike’s final Arsenal strip, and our new away shirt for next season (I’ve totally forgotten from whom I’ve borrowed the image, so if it was yours initially, I apologise for the lack of credit):

2013/2014 away shirt?

Being something of a traditionalist, I believe an Arsenal away shirt should be yellow. If there is any truth to the image above, I’d be very pleased as it’s simple and a throwback to our kits of yesteryear. But of course, don’t believe it just because there’s a picture. Over the summer there’s often quite a few mock-up strips floating around. I’ve only posted this one on account of really liking it, but until it’s an official product, it’s simply another falsification.

And that’s all for today. As I regularly do, I will point you towards the comments below and await reading a few of your thoughts on Galatasaray, the alleged new strip, Remy and whatever else may tickle your fancy.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 15, 2013

Arsenal 4-1 Wigan: One down, one to go. Champions League here we come (hopefully…).

Shoddy marking for the first goal, or ‘Escape from Alcaraz’…

Morning folks.

It’s been a funny old week, hasn’t it. Managers have left on the back of a good run of success, players have revolted, relegated teams go down with an FA Cup victory, and 2013/2014 Premier League betting odds have fluctuated on a daily basis accordingly. It seems no one has the faintest idea what to expect from the beautiful game anymore.

And us Gooners are especially used to such unpredictability. Before kick-off, taking into account the importance of a win, I was a quivering, nervous wreck. Thoughts of terrible defensive blunders and soul-destroying late concessions swirled about my mind and refused to make way for pleasant thoughts.

When the team took to the field, however, all that changed. You could see they where fired up and knew exactly what they had to do. Our passing was crisp and accurate, runs had direction and purpose and even Tomas Rosicky was darting about making interceptions like a diminutive, caucasian Patrick Vieira.

Oddly enough, as soon as we took the lead thanks to one of Wigan’s characteristic defensive lapses, the moments of concern came flooding back. There is something dangerously unsafe about Arsenal leading 1-0. The majority of the first half saw us dominate possession without creating a clear-cut opening.

And then first half stoppage time the inevitable happened. Mike Dean being Mike Dean saw fit to award a free kick for the most innocuous of challenges, and Shaun Malnoney duly dispatched the free kick into the net. I peppered the air with obscenities. You had to admire the quality of the goal, but the timing couldn’t have been worse.

Wigan began the second half brightly, and were denied early on courtesy of a brilliant stop from Szczsney. His contribution to the cause since his return shouldn’t go unmentioned. On several occasions he’s produced vital stops at hugely important moments in games.

The real hero of the night was Santi Cazorla. As we pressed on for a win, he was involed in everything good about our approach play, and contributed directly to all 4 goals. In the eight minute spell where victory as achieved, the little Spanish magician was everywhere; probing, conniving and prompting attacks.

Image courtesy of www.squawka.com

His cross for Theo’s goal was inch perfect and quite brilliant, and once we took the lead again there was no coming back for Wigan. Having exerted so much to win the FA Cup on Saturday, that moment knocked the wind from their sails, and enabled Podolski and Ramsey to make the game safe, condemning our opponents to the dreaded drop.

It’s a bit of a shame to see Wigan leave. Roberto Martinez sets his teams up intelligently and to play football the right way. Yet football is a cruel mistress, and all the pretty passing counts for nothing if the results don’t come your way. Wigan simply haven’t been good enough.

Speaking after the game, Arsene Wenger seemed to agree:

“You want to congratulate Wigan and you feel sorry for them, because with the quality of football they play it is sad that they go down.

“Wigan are a good footballing side with intelligent players and it is difficult to understand, but that is the harsh truth of the game.”

So folks, we are half the way there. We have one victory, all we need is another at Newcastle on Sunday. It’s a win that will be entirely necessary as I can only see Spurs beating a now-safe Sunderland. Scoring a few goals has helped our chances of aquiring 3rd – which we will get if Chelsea fail to beat Everton, and we win by a margin of 2 goals or more.

It all boils down to one period of 90 minutes against a team we should be able to beat. It’s not going to be comfortable – it never is – but as long as we have our destiny firmly clasped between our hands we have the initiative going forward. A win is all we need. Let’s head up north and get one. I’m confident we’ll do exactly that, Arsenal betting reflects that our chances are certainly favourable. Until the nerves kick in again, that is…

That’s all for today. The comments await your thoughts on the game – who was your MOTM? Are you confident of beating Newcastle? Let me know.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 14, 2013

Wigan (h): Team news, thoughts and predicted starting line-up

“No, your forehead isn’t that big. The other boys are just bullies…”

Morning fellow Gooners.

It is with a little trepidation that I approach today’s fixture. Complacency can often be the worst enemy for the players that represent Arsenal. Too often in the past seemingly winnable games have turned into a litany of missed opportunities and dropped points thanks to the dreaded ‘C’ word.

Today, however, I’m more worried about the pressure and anxiety. I don’t think we’ll see any complacent players on the pitch. There is too much at stake for them to strut out out there without a care in the world. Knowing we need the points, that winning is vital to our chances of 4th, could be our undoing if it results in a handbrake-on performance.

Then there’s the though of finishing below Spurs. I can’t bare it, even if it doesn’t really matter all that much – it’s just pride talking. I’d imagine it’s an event that would have an adverse effect. It’s; sell your old clothes, sell your furniture, sell your electronic appliances and move away to a remote island until the awfulness of it all disappears.

Wigan will give us a game tonight. Buoyed by Saturday’s victory, Roberto Martinez and friends will have good memories of winning on our ground last season, and they’ve a relegation battle on their hands. Points are as important to them as they are to us. Don’t expect any end-of-season hangovers now they’ve a trophy in the cabinet.

Our job is deliciously simple; beat Wigan, beat Newcastle and we will secure 4th place at the very least. There is an outside chance we could sneak into 3rd at the last minute, but at this stage I couldn’t care less as long as we get where we need to be. Our final 2 games are tricky, but an Arsenal side performing well should be able to comfortably win both. At this point there are no excuses. It’s all in our hands.

The team news is looking good. Only Giroud and man-of-glass, Abou Diaby are absent from the squad. The players have had plenty of time to rest and prepare themselves mentally . I don’t imagine Aresne will do anything to change things drastically. I’d say we’re looking at a starting line-up similar to the one that took the field at QPR – the only change perhaps being Jack Wilshere for Tomas Rosicky.

(Edit: There is some talk of Jack only being used in the event of necessity as he is in need of minor surgery. Tomas Rosicky will most probably start the game)

And now the butterflies have started….

As I’m sat here typing away, I’m starting to envisage what could go wrong. Call me a pessimist – I am at times – but my pre-match routine for the important high-stakes games invariably is to worry uncontrollably. I know I’m not the only one. I imagine there will be a palpable sense of anxiety in the ground tonight.

Being a Gooner isn’t easy these days. Once upon a time we’d obliterate teams in the opening 15 minutes and be treated to a festival of flicks and tricks for the remaining 75. Recent events show we could be in for a bladder-looseningly tense affair, with a single goal being the difference. A draw isn’t good enough, a defeat is unthinkable. We have to make our chances count and put Wigan to bed as soon as possible.

’1-0 to the Arsenal’ regardless of how it’s obtained would suit me just fine.

If you’re happy to part with some cash, and you’ve a strong belief in your ability to predict what will happen, Bet Victor offers all the latest odds and a £25 free bet to newly registered members. You can sign-up here.

Arsenal vs Wigan odds.

That’s all for today, folks. I’ll be watching the game from the comfort of my home tonight as the elements has conspired to allow me the evening off. Wherever you’re viewing; strap yourself in for the ride and cross all parts of your anatomy it’s physically possible to cross.

It’s crunch time.

The comments are below. Use them to jot down a few of your thoughts on the team and how you see the game panning out. Who would you start up front? Are you confident of a result? Let me know.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 13, 2013

FA Cup magic. Rooney on the way? No love for Jovetic.

Sweet Moses, let in not be so….

Good morning, wonderful people.

Just look at that picture. Look at it. The sight of that potato-headed cretin in an Arsenal shirt isn’t right. Mercifully – for those, like me, against any potential transfer – the featured picture today is taken from the Daily Star and that means it’s a fairly safe bet all information contained within is fabricated.

It’s not beyond the realms of possibility, though. There are continuous rumblings that this summer will be the one in which we put down a marker and signal our intent with a triumphant splurge in the transfer market. Live betting sites like bwin seem to agree, so there’s every chance we’ll be seeing many incoming faces. However, if everyone’s favourite brothel-frequenter does stay true to his word and opt to leave United, I can only see the wealthier clubs around Europe being able to meet his wage demands – perhaps only Ajax can meet the demands of his proclivities…

Arsenal can do better in the market. I sincerely hope that they do.

Saturday’s FA Cup final was something of a mixed bag. As I was working, my exposure was limited, but enough to realise that it’s all become a bit of a farce. Like Christmas has steadily become over the years, England’s most famous competition now seems to be more about sponsorship and revenue than the actual thing that once made it great.

That said, the result was entirely magical. I didn’t hold the slightest of hope for a Wigan victory when viewing both teams on paper. Perhaps Manchester City viewed the game in a similar manner and didn’t expect such a resolute and impressive performance from Wigan. Not only did Roberto Martinez’s side emerge the victors, but few could dispute it was thoroughly deserved.

Best of all, we play Wigan tomorrow, and with a bit of luck they’ll have overdone the celebrations and enter The Emirates with an end-of-season mentality. With Spurs bundling past Stoke at the Britannia today, a win tomorrow is of paramount importance. There can be no slip-ups, no casual and thoughtless performances. Manchester City paid the penalty for underestimating what Wigan are capable of. The warnings signs are all there. We need to take notice of them and set out the pitch accordingly.

Lastly today, I thought I’d mention one player the rumour mill won’t leave alone, who happens to be one of the players I’d really love to see come to Arsenal. If you’ve watched Stevan Jovetic play, you’ll know he has talent in abundance, and strikes me immediately as the type of player built to succeed in the Premiership. He is admired by a host of Europe’s top clubs, and there’s talk of him feeling a bit unloved at Fiorentina these days. His teammate, Luca Toni has said:

“Stevan feels the Fiorentina fans treat him without love.

“Everybody says that the player’s struggles will end when he starts scoring again.

“The way I see it in this difficult period is that Jovetic is only supported when he is making a difference on the field. At the moment, there is no enthusiasm towards him – he does not feel loved.”

Bless his cotton socks. The poor little lamb doesn’t feel loved.

Well, Stevan, I’m sure you’re regular reader of Arsenal blogs, so here’s a bit of advice;  come on over to The Emirates. We’ll simply adore you here. There will be parades, spectacle, and plenty of middle-aged men only too happy to allow you time with their wives (No one mention that to Rooney…). We will love you like one of our own, and if we can make Giroud feel like he’s ten feet tall, imagine the effect we can have on you.

We’re a magnanimous and friendly bunch, us Gooners. It’s a match made in heaven. Granted, you’ll most probably have to ignore anyone and everything associated with Piers Morgan, but he’s never been one of us anyway.

What have you got to lose? Get your agent on the phone with Dick Law, and let’s get this sorted out.

Watch this space, folks. I’ve set the wheels in motion, and now fully expect full credit should any transfer materialise. On that note, I shall leave you for today. Take a moment to pop down some of your thoughts in the comments – Rooney, FA Cup hilarity and the brilliance of Jovetic. I’ll look forward to reading a few.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 11, 2013

Rooney and Draxler: definitely, maybe…

Arsenal fans could only dream of a Rooney & Bendtner strike force.

Morning lovelies.

If you’re into speculative stories, then the current pieces doing the rounds regarding Wayne Rooney will have caught your eye. Everyone’s favourite portly centre-foward has made it clear he wishes to leave United, and such news has put all the big guns on high alert. Chelsea, Bayern Munich and PSG have already – allegedly – made it be known they’re interested. Sports betting sites have radically dropped the odds of him beginning next season in a different strip.

Of course, such startling revelations inevitably bring the question, “should Arsenal be in there bidding?”. As far as I’m concerned, absolutely not. No way. Not in a month of Sunday’s. No sir. What a bloody awful idea.

Wayne Rooney is arguably the most sensationally over-rated footballer of all time. Granted, he does have a degree of enthusiasm and some skill, but on the whole isn’t even remotely as capable as he’s often made out to be. Add to that his temperament, obscene wages and his penchant for ageing ladies of ill-repute, and you’ve got yourself a thoroughly idiotic signing in the making. As you may have gathered, I’m not at all keen on the idea.

But that’s all just supporter talk. One rumour than may have had some truth to it was the one linking us with a move for Schalke’s highly-rated teenager, Julian Draxler. He’s exactly what you’d expect from an Arsenal signing; young, filled with potential and not especially well known. However, just as that story started to gather a head of steam, it’s quickly been banished to the vaults of hogwash since Draxler has signed a new deal with the German club. Since that’s occured, any chance of a deal being done has dropped drastically, and these chances are reflected on many sports betting sites.

In more substantial news, Arsene Wenger has added his name to the many high-profile figures taking a moment to reflect on the whiskey-soaked career of Alex Ferguson. Speaking of his once fierce rival and enemy, the Boss said:

“I would just like to pay tribute to an unbelievable achievement and a fantastic career.

“Basically the achievement is immaculate, when you look at the whole structure and consistency of the achievement. It is, of course, something exceptional.

“It is difficult to imagine English football without him, but it’s now a reality and a fact.

That’s all very nice and respectful, and I wouldn’t dispute the truth of it for a second. But all the drooling sycophancy has grown tiresome. Ferguson has retired. He’s off to a nice retirement home in Scotland where he’ll enjoy tea and biscuits and never bother us again. It should be put to bed once and for all, but instead we’re going to have to endure the likes of Clive Tyldesley bleating endlessly about it whenever the opportunity arises.

It won’t stop. David Moyes won’t be able to pass wind without the smell being compared to that of his predecessor. Throughout the final few games of this season, and the next in its entirety, I am absolutely certain even the most extraneous of occurrence will be linked back to the pickled Scotsman. He’ll not really be all that missed by the majority of English football fans, so please; spare us the platitudes and the love-in, and let the man fade into obscurity. An obscurity that has 7 minutes of added time and a favourable referee.

And that will be about all I have for you today, folks. I would mention the FA Cup final taking place today, I would mention the razzmatazz and spectacle associated with the greatest cup competition in world football, but Arsenal aren’t involved and I, quite frankly, couldn’t care less.

All that remains is for me to point you towards the comments section below and hope you’ll use them to share some of your opinions. What are your thoughts about a Rooney transfer? Are you disappointed it appears we have missed out on Draxler? Have you become sick to death with all the Fergie ramblings? Let me know.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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May 10, 2013

We don’t need Julio Cesar, Vietnam trips and Wenger is still the man for the job.

The Arsenal players weren’t happy with their transportation….

Morning, folks.

Today I came across an article where the club have announced they’ll be travelling to Vietnam to play their national side in a friendly taking place on July 17th. Doubtless to say, it’s a marketing ploy to raise our profile with our Asian friends in Hanoi. However, if you’re anything like me, and you’ve watched far, far too many movies, it immediately brings a few scenarios to mind.

Currently, my juvenile brainbox is swirling with images of Gervinho taking heavy machine gun fire and attempting to throw himself on a grenade to save his teammates. He misses by a good 5 yards, and Per Mertesacker looses both his legs. I can vividly picture Arsene Wenger as the grizzled veteran screaming, “we need a f**king medic” and ordering the rescue chopper to put down in the “hot LZ”.

As you may have already assumed, I’m a big child at heart. Silliness aside, the trip is a good move for the club, and anything that might extend our reach in the vast global markets can only be a good thing. I doubt we’ll send a full strength squad over there, but I hope we at least include a few recognisable players for the sake of the Vietnamese fans.

One of the rumours I keep hearing at the moment is a move for Brazilian, Julio Cesar. With QPR and Harry Redknapp hilariously doomed to relegation, some of their players luxuriating on big contracts are being touted to move on in the summer. Our need for another keeper is often documented in the press. I guess journalists and sports reporters are putting 2 and 2 together, and coming up with an assumption.

I know a great deal of my fellow Gooners out there really like Cesar as an option, but I’m not in agreement with those folks. I personally don’t rate him at all; he’s a decent enough shot stopper, but he’s as prone to wild flaps at thin air as the current keepers we have. Plus, he’s ludicrously overpaid at QPR, and borders alarmingly on fitting the bill of a mercenary footballer. Given the choice, I’d be saying a big, “no thank you” and looking at someone younger and hungrier.

As we trundle toward the end of another fruitless campaign, it’s the time when many start to question Arsene. I’ve always been somewhere between the two camps. I’m neither his greatest advocate, or harshest critic. One person who’s certain he’s still the right man for the job is our old friend and king of the annoying diagonal pass, Alex Song.

“He’s the right man.

“I spent eight years with him and he’s just unbelievable. I still keep in touch with him and the last time I met him he was very happy. Hopefully he’ll stay longer at Arsenal because if they lose him today then they won’t be the same”

Cheers for the input, Alex. That’s very nice of you. There’s obviously plenty of free time at your new home whilst you’re sitting on the bench. I often upset people when I mention how much I was glad we sold Song. He wasn’t the type of player we needed at Arsenal. He was an attacking/defensive midfield hybrid that wasn’t especially good at either, as his positional play left a lot to be desired.

That said, I do kinda agree with him. Arsenal wouldn’t be the same without Arsene. At the very least, I’d like to see him invest in the team in a big way this summer, and then see how our fortunes pan out. If we find ourselves amidst similar circumstances in a years time, then perhaps it might just be the time for a change.

Lastly today, I thought I’d share with you my newly-aquired enthusiasm for mobile betting. Since I’ve started working alongside a few betting companies on here, I’ve discovered that there are plenty of ways you can indulge in free sports bets. So if you’re of the same mindset, and you fancy reaping the rewards of a successful flutter on the outcome, you can follow this handy betting apps link. If your mobile of choice is other than an iPhone, you can click here for betting on android. It’s certainly worth a go, folks – just remember to enjoy responsibly. I don’t want to receive any harsh E-mails accusing me of being the primary reason for anyone’s financial meltdown…

That’s yer lot for today, folks. I’ve a busy day or work planned and must leave you for the time being. Until I return with more tomorrow, I hope you’ll take this opportunity to post a comment or two. I always enjoy reading them. Do you rate Julio Cesar? Do you still have unwavering faith in our manager? Let me know.

As always, thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

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