5 easy ways to ensure a Twitter meltdown.

The 3 birdmen of the Twitter apocalypse?

Morning, delicious earthlings.

Having only recently become a Twitter user – 6 months or so, now – It’s fast become my favourite networking service. Information is easy to get, and across the Goonerverse there are a lot of really nice people only to happy to help those of us who are a bit hapless when it comes to computers. If you want to have a chat about the Arsenal, or just get some advice; it’s a excellent place to go.

However, I have noticed that it can be prone to having its ‘moments’. For every good point it has, invariably, there are elements of bad, too. As Arsenal news is at a premium today, I thought I’d show you guys a few example of just how easy it can be to set to keyboard warriors out there into full meltdown. There are 5 sure-fire ways you could do this:

  1. Defend Aaron Ramsey after he hasn’t had the best of games. For reasons that still baffle me, the young Welshman has become the reason many have for the team’s failings – some brainless idiots even take to posting death threats on his account. It’s certain to send folks apoplectic if you so much a say a few nice words about him.
  2. Ensure your username is very similar to a Premiership referee’s. If Tottenham are playing Stoke, and your nearly-namesake makes a few bad calls, Spurs fans with dubious reading ability will pepper your account with threats of violence and they’ll certainly question your mother’s sexual practices. Admittedly, this can also be quite hilarious.
  3. Be Joey Barton. This is probably the most effective way of all. All you have to do is quote philosophers, and then claim to detest cheats a few months after showing the world that your are one yourself. That Gervinho must be really strong…
  4. Write an Arsenal blog. If you take the time to scribe your opinions down, there’s a good chance somebody will agree with them, and others will take breathtaking offence to it. Those that do the latter won’t argue rationally. No, sir. They’ll tell you in great detail the master plan they’ve put in place to have you violated, and then burnt at the stake.
  5. Talk nonsense, and claim to be ‘in the know’. Quite a lot of this occurs on Twitter. Some folks claim to have intimate relations with small and arbitrary employees of their clubs, and somehow they manage to extract top secret information from them. They’ll give you the scoop on Arsenal’s transfer dealing because a friend works in ‘PR’, or they’ll know the lady who distributes Hob-Nobs at tea time.

Those I’d say are certain to see you endure endless hours  of deleting abuse and clicking on the ‘block’ button. There are plenty of other ways – enrage the city of Liverpool, for example – but the ones I’ve posted are all examples I’ve seen with my own eyes, and, at times, had the misfortune to have started myself – unintentionally, of course.

Thanks a bunch for reading today. I’d love to hear a few of your comments below, and if you should disagree with anything I’ve said, then feel free to insult my parents and describe the manner in which you’d like to kill me on my Twitter account @_ArmchairGooner.

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