A letter to UEFA (please add your support… Again…)

Evening, all! (I’m unable to post today, so I’m rehashing this drivel from a few days ago…)

As my girlfriend is away, I’ve nothing better to do this evening than write. So write I indeed shall. Below, for your lascivious perusal is a letter I intend to send off to UEFA:

Dear UEFA,

Hello. I hope this finds you high-spirited and well.

Mr Pilchard.

By now, I’m sure you’ve discovered the picture of Mr Pilchard writhing with ecstasy in his litter tray. Whilst I’m certain a picture of a jovial cat will bring you nothing but happiness, it is what lurks beneath I’d like to bring to your attention.

Underneath Mr Pilchard and the pine-scented chips reside several poos he has done over the previous week. The poos are not particularly pleasant as the shop was out of Kitekat, and I’ve been forced to feed him a selection of tinned meats and various savoury treats (He quite likes the treats, actually. Sometimes I find him mewing incessantly next to the cupboard where they are kept. I’m soft, so I perhaps give in too easily and over-do the treats. He is adorable when he contently purrs afterwards, though).

The reason I bring your attention to Mr Pilchard’s morning ablutions is quite simple; I feel the picture in question is a perfectly accurate representation of your feculent and immoral organisation – what may appear to be sanitary and well on face value, actually conceals several levels of repugnant shit.

Your recent administering of bans is beyond farcical. Your higher echelon has the charisma and intelligence of sullied undergarments and you frequently chose to ignore the ill-behaviour of certain megalomaniacal representatives of large Spanish football clubs. Instead you choose to punish Arsene Wenger for pointing out the obvious failings perpetrated by one of the cretinous, Hitler-esque officials in your employ.

Your organisation is beyond a joke.

I’d like to finish by kindly requesting you engage in coitus with your disproportionately large mothers.

Kind thoughts,

James ‘Raul’ Stokes


Please use the comments section as a means of petition. If your name is in there, I’ll send it with mine to UEFA.

Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @_ArmchairGooner

19 thoughts on “A letter to UEFA (please add your support… Again…)”

  1. Porto got fined 16,700 for racist abuse and Wenger gets fined over 30,000 for as y ou pointed out, telling the official the differrence between right and wrong. Justice my Arse

  2. i think uefa should kiss my sinnful arse for all i care, wenger complained before the milan match about the milan pitch and the press cunt said he was preparing an excuse, but when barca complained (even when the pitch has improved alot) now uefa is running here and there to fix it, it just shows how some team get a go why others get a wait, screw all them wenger haters

  3. Every single time a UEFAlona player dives, the ref gives a penalty. Other teams suffer because of UEFA’s corrupt relationship with Barcelona. Barça aren’t that good, they simply flail around on the pitch and receive game-changing penalties that destroy football for everyone else. It is so obvious, so clear. The Catalans lack class, honor and dignity that we have come to love in the beautiful game. Busquets, Alves, Puyol, Pique, Messi, Iniesta, Valdes, Thiago… all these players try to influence the referee when anything happens to a Barcelona player. They pressurize, and then, the referee gives them the decision they want. It’s getting ridiculous UEFA, come on. Get rid of the corruption in your ranks, it is ruining football for everyone. Arsenal lost to Barcelona because the referee was absolutely pathetic in sending Van Persie off for NO reason. Yesterday, the two penalties against Milan were so dubious, that even though I don’t like Milan I found myself supporting them simply because I don’t want cheats to win. On top of that, Ibrahimovic should have been awarded a clear penalty.
    Over and out.

  4. Platini hates Wenger because he wont manage France and as long as Wenger stays in Europe and Platini has influence in football it will never end.

  5. Just add my name!

    You some up my view so eloquently I do not need to add anything further!

    PS … send my regards to Mr Pilchard and my deepest sympathies to your girlfriend. For her sufferings are indeed many!

    1. UEFA and Barca is making football boring, and i believe that if UEFA refuses to stop this injustice in this beautiful game of football that even Queen of England cherishes, one day,
      I say one day football fans will kill a referee in the field of play for injustice.
      UEFA and Barca should stop cheating other teams have supporters and feelings too.

  6. I support this completely. Sign me up! It’s baffling, having to witness the atrocities the UEFA organization does to football..

  7. shame and shame on barcauefa fc.i am watch from Africa and it just too bad for uefalona.it is obvious and they shud stop deceiving pple. they go on and adopt barcagalona as their pet dog.

  8. i am watching from Africa,it is obvious that they always help barca to win and i think they shud go on and adopt barca as their pet dog.

  9. Hello mate,add me on as I totally agree with all things you said about UEFA corrupted bastards and the F****ing referee mafia.

  10. The funniest thing I have read in a long time. Please add my name to the list. The ironic thing is that while reading (and laughing) I was also sad because it is all so true.

  11. I’ve always said it and will repeat it. UEFA are a bunch of corrupt bullies. I think it’s time we paid attention to Karls Ruminnege and started a new organisation of European league as Karls quite rightly pointed…and leave UEFA with only Barcelona as a team under their wing. Add my name mate, I fully support your cause.

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