And Then There Was No Arsenal News…

Arsenal news today…

Morning, folks.

When I re-started blogging, I made a vow; I’d blog every day. Come rain or shine, hail or snow, drizze or full-blown Armageddon, I wouldn’t fail to produce a daily entry for you wonderful folks to sink your proverbial teeth into. Today, that is near impossible. There isn’t just a premium of Arsenal news, but none. Zilch. Nowt. Bugger all. Nothing.

So, I’m tasked by myself to overcome that hurdle and the single most formidable weapon I own is an almost superhuman ability to rattle on about nothing at all. I’m pretty much doing exactly that right now. Filling the word count with overblown sentences that serve to deliver no relevant content, instead just meandering aimlessly into a sort of….errrrr…. word oblivion.

I’m now eating Chilli Heatwave Doritos. My bowels have a love/hate relationship with these maizy treats. I love to eat them – heaven knows, they are delicious – but, invariably, my bowels misbehave soon after, almost like you would imagine an unruly youth carries on when he/she doesn’t want to attend school. They’re going down a treat right now, but it is only a matter of time before all Hell is unleashed and my arsehole spits more fire than one of those rapping freestyle fellows you see all over the internet.

I guess I could mention Aaron Ramsey’s haircut… It’s bloody awful. Peroxide blonde is okay if you’re Simon Phoenix and happy to wreak havoc in a utopian future and say mean, naughty words to Nigel Hawthorne, but not suited to a young footballer. God only knows what went through Aaron’s brain when he was sat in the hairdressers contemplating a change in style…It’s testament to just how sparse pertinence is that we’re discussing something as insipid as a haircut.

And that haircut has divided our fanbase. Which, again, comes as no surprise. A f*cking kitten could divide our fanbase. There would be “Kitten Out” banners, YouTube channels set up by dribbling cretins in which they parade their stupidity with tuneless droning about how kittens should be removed for our Club immediately. As they arise, Positive Kitten accounts would be made to counter the KOBs and they’d praise each kitty poo poo dropped by said kitten until the point of our collective sanities being made questionable.

The kitten would be “dithering” if it didn’t produce its kitty poo poos quickly enough for a group of supporters used to regular bowl movement – regular bowel movements they became accustomed to thanks to the kitten’s early endeavours. It would be kitten madness. I don’t want that. I love kittens. Here is a kitten:

Awwwwwwwwww

Damn you, divisive kitten!

Right, f*ck this…

I’ll leave you for now. Tomorrow, hopefully, there will be something meaty and substantial to discuss. I offer all my prayers this dream will come to fruition. Until that time, and as always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

PS – don’t complain if I post pictures of kittens. I won’t pay any attention at all.

5 Comments

  1. Fresno Ishmael

    STICK TO ARSENAL NEWS

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      No. Shan’t.

      Reply
  2. arsenal1again

    Really anybody seeing Aaron Ramsey and not knowing who he is will certainly presume him to be a raving homosexual with that haircut and even a Rent Boy drawing attention from men looking for them. It is just a clusterfuq of a choice and I thought Ramsey was more intelligent than this. He obviously has dicks for friends who tell him it looks great becuse it is what he wants to hear. He needs a real friend, thogh if he had one telling him the truth I bet Ramsey would do what other thick people do, respond, “But loads of people say it looks great and only you say it looks bad, so all those people are wrong and you’re right?”

    There could be a situation where a closet bi-sexual publicly pretends to be bi-sexual to cover up the fact they really are bi-sexual and this is what came to mind seeing Ramsey’s haircut.

    If he did his hair red like the Wlsh Dragon or any colour other than the Peroxide blonde he could be put down to a footballer doing what footballers do, make themelves standout on a football pitch like they do with the neon multicolured boots and even different colours per boot, this is normal footballer sheet. That Ramsey haircut only fits at an Erasure or Communards concert.

    Reply
  3. Atuhaire Dan

    “PS – don’t complain if I post pictures of kittens. I won’t pay any attention at all.”

    Hahaha.

    Then we shall begin to call you James the kitten farmer.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      I’ve been called a lot worse…

      Reply

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