“Arsenal set to announce record deal in next 48 hours”: Chuck Norris? Higuain? Nobody at all?

The Arsenal team sheet changed drastically…

Morning folks.

If you’ve not already heard/seen the news, Sky Sports News yesterday ran with a story regarding Arsenal announcing a record breaking deal within 48 hours. As the story broke around 6pm yesterday, and it’s now 9am, that leaves the clock at 35 hours. Or perhaps less depending on when you’re reading this…

Anyway.

Such news sent the gossipers into a frenzy. “Who could it be?” the masses frantically screamed in expectation. “Jesus Christ? Chuck Norris? The freaksih result of blending Gervinho’s DNA with a cat? Gonzalo Higuain?”  Maybe, just maybe, Arsene and the Board are intent on showing ambition by laying down a marker that’ll reverberate around Europe.

The most likely answer in none of the above – pity, I’d love to see Chuck Norris patrolling the midfield –  and in truth it isn’t a player at all, but the confirmation of our new sponsorship/kit deal with Puma. The whole thing is simply an epic ruse from Sky to ensure fans hoping for some good news regarding player recruitment remain glued to their channel for as long as possible.  They are not not exactly distorting the truth, but reporting it in such an ambiguous manner it’s bound to attract the wrong impression. It’s done entirely on purpose, too.

I could be wrong, and we could be in for a huge surprise, but I doubt it. As much as I’d love something truly sensational to materialise from nowhere, these days not many rumours manage to stay hidden for too long.  Given the amount of hogwash branded around tabloids and social media, surprises are very few and far between.

But hey – such is the time of year.

Without the glorious feast of football on offer during Autumn, Winter and Spring, the Summer (Is it right to capitalise seasonal names? It doesn’t look right in lower case…) months will be awash with speculation and falsified hit-hutning tales.

And on that note, I’m going to have to insist upon going about my daily business. I’ll leave you with my obligatory nod towards to comments section; may you kindly take a few moments out of your schedules to empty whatever might be rattling around that delightful head of yours. It’s always a pleasure to read few. Even when I’m being lambasted for the silliest of things.

I shall return with something more substantial tomorrow. Until then; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

43 Comments

  1. Oluamyd

    Since we are talking record deals, methinks Arsenal may be signing Jay Z.

    Reply
    1. Derek

      very good 🙂

      Reply
    2. Unknown C

      Didn’t you hear? We’ve already got him. And Messi.

      Reply
  2. wenkev02

    The excitement is building. The team needs two or three nugges up in quality not a great big star and I’m sure Arsene will do the right thing…..

    Reply
  3. Goonerdad

    I agree, lets not believe the hype. Too many summers wasted with baited breath for the next big signing only to be let down over and over. IF anything happens I’ll believe it when its on our website. Still as much as my realistic head wants to convince me that I should relax I’m still like a little kid on Christmas eve every day of the window. Damm the hype and me for being an optimist.

    Reply
    1. GunnerMike

      I’m with you all the way. As a 77 year old I can assure you it doesn’t get any easier as the new seasons approach.

      Reply
      1. Jim the gooner belfast

        Gunner mike, I’m more astounded at you as an arsenal 77 ur old on the thread than I wud be if we signed HULK …keep it up “old gooner” 😉

        Reply
  4. cunt@dick.com

    cunt

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      That’s constructive…

      Reply
  5. ur mother

    u ar mad

    Reply
  6. Admir

    Fellaini, perhaps?

    Reply
  7. wenkev02

    Goonerdad know the feeling! Good init!!!

    Reply
  8. Delboy

    Please not fellani. Could it be wenger signing a new deal?

    Reply
  9. godelo60

    Wenger do something or leave full-stop!

    Reply
    1. Michael Staley

      Why don’t you leave, full-stop or no full-stop.

      Reply
  10. Musad

    Arsenal, Wenger and Gazidis are sucks, we are of the same old sheet every summer, seeing is beliving and not about stupid rumours.

    Reply
  11. brown

    rooney guys

    Reply
    1. Mophat26

      Rooney baby, seeing is believing, I hated rumors lol..highbury Gunners for life lol..

      Reply
  12. oluwashina dada ato

    guess its Rooney

    Reply
  13. Dzooo

    Aleksandar Mitrovic is not any more player of Partizan Belgrade. He is now owned by Pini Zahavi agency, and they have a deal that he stay in partizan 1 more year. p.s. Zahavi is agent of meny good players, so now Arsenal have to make deal with him.

    Reply
  14. leozzz

    I hope this time not a firely tales

    Reply
  15. liam

    i really believe it will be Rooney….we are not mucking around now

    Reply
  16. Arkadiy

    Record deal? What, with Podolski on vocals, Sagna on bass, Arteta on drums, and Mertersacker on guitar?

    Reply
    1. Seaver

      We all know Frimmy will be on vocals, dench and all. I think Podolski would hold down the rhythm guitar with Mert on lead. We need a keyboard player too, I have a feeling Szczesny could slot in there comfortably.

      Reply
      1. Arkadiy

        Yeah, sounds about right. Plus the little Spanish guy could play some trumpet, I reckon – and Gervinho could bust it on one of those instruments that those weird guys play in Star Wars…

        Reply
        1. shedzy

          You guys are morons – obviously we are bringing Gilberto back to play Mandolin, Mad Merse on drums (with Jens providing additional bongo playing), Denis will play rhythm, Thierry plays lead and they all dance to Cescs tune. With Eboue on vocals (a la Screaming Jay Hawkins) and Seaman playing bass, we will be number one by Xmas!

          Reply
  17. The font

    Oh please. The last day to renew season tickets

    Reply
    1. Jim the gooner belfast

      I hear this “season ticket” crap all the time… Truth is if ya don’t renew there’s thousands of us on a ten year waiting list ready to take it…. So it doesn’t stack up we need renewals…. Be THANKFUL ya have one

      Reply
  18. Alessio Tabone

    Bla bla bla as usual

    Reply
  19. Brendon

    Chuck Norris in midfield. Genius. How about Sylvester Stallone as our new competition for The Shezz?

    Reply
    1. NS Gooner

      He was a champ in Escape to Victory. I imagine that if this is true, it’ll likely be more of a commercial deal. None of the contract negotiations appear to be far enough along to be announced in the next day and a half. My money is on Puma, and it’ll be nice to hear that the 30 mil a year is a legit deal.

      Reply
  20. Pingback: Record Signing in 48 Hours?- Fellaini Could Be Joining | The Gooner Monkey

  21. ARSENE KOLAD

    GUNNERZ…………….I BELIEVE THIS IS THE TIME

    Reply
  22. alesh

    great if dat is real

    Reply
  23. paulius

    and robin hood ass well(:

    Reply
  24. arsenalcrayyz

    Jovetic, Grenier, Wanyama, Julio Cesar would be ideal, but who knows what ever goes in Wengers mind.

    Reply
  25. Abdullah

    3bood101

    Either Fellaini Higuain or ROONEU

    ARSENAL TRIGGERED THE BID 22M FOR FELLAINI
    HIGUAIN SAID ” ARSENAL? THEY WOULD SUIT ME”
    ROONEY TWEETED @JACKWILSHERE “LOOKING FORWARD TO AY WITH YOU MATE”
    Those 3 players are contenders -_-

    Reply
  26. Mango Avenue

    Record deal for Wenger himself! Signing another 7 years deal and making him the highest paid manager in the world. There goes much of the transfer kitty buying players and of course new lucrative contracts for Diaby, Djorou and Santos. No new world class players of course. Save the money for himself.

    Reply
  27. Anonymous

    Got confirmed sources it’s Gonzalo Higuain for 21.4£ million

    Reply
  28. velavouz

    there is nothhing record breaking , unless we want to sign a big star ;; our question should be is it messi or ronaldo ?

    Reply
  29. Richard morgan

    Why get so agitated this is silly season where blogs and news agencies around the world tag all the clubs with any player they can based on out of comments taken out of context. We all know arsenal never do their business in public and only deals announced through arsenal.com can be taken for granted. The big question is will Wenger spend and how much will he spend. Well taken that we have cleared three squad slots already he intends at least three players and if he can offload some others like park djourou and n b we may get others in. Will he spend big money I think he will spend whether he will spend big on one player is questionable but I think he will spend over 40 million he may offload gervinho and park and a few fringe players to balance books but that’s no bad thing he he spends 40 to sixty million and sells three or four players for 10million he saves 10 million for late buys or any buys that might become necessary in January. As we need at least four to six players he may buy two over 16 million but the rest to fall into that 10 million area and probably two or three youngsters as they can be used without taking up squad places but Wenger and the board will know their targets all I hope to see is all or most of our business concluded before pre season starts preferably before end,of July so we can reassess the squad and tweak anything else without panicking.

    Reply
  30. Harry Barracuda

    Our “record” deal is not that high. ShavedArse at 16 million?

    Reply
  31. Josh

    What they mean by record breaking is that wenger is going to sign a proved player and not someone no one knows

    Reply

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