Arsenal Tempt Mega Starlet To The Emirates With Oats and Loose-Willed Housewife.

Dick Law’s negotiation tactics were second to none.

Morning, folks.

These are the awkward moments at the end of a season were I struggle to think of exactly what I’m going to talk about. The FA Cup spectacle is still fresh in my mind and the glory still pulses throw my veins like that bloody silly bit in Wanted when James McAvoy realises he can slow down time and curve bullets around corners.

Incidentally, I don’t think any film has made me exclaim, “Really?!” more than Wanted. I tend to go for movies with realism more often than not and when presented with something that possesses anything but, I’m prone to exclamations of discontent. Bloody silly, it was – aside from hearing Morgan Freeman use the word, “motherf**ker”, that was quite brilliant.

I’m going off topic…

It’s hard to know where to begin, to tell the truth. I’m rambling here just to fill up a few columns. Now that the business end of our footballing calendar has come to such a wondrous close, all that remains is discussions of what’ll happen over the summer regarding recruitment and the World Cup.

Some people hate transfer gossip and all those websites that draw you in with false promises of ‘scoops’ and such. I find it all quite amusing – like a really terrible soap opera you find yourself compelled to watch. Often I like to make fun of it all, hence the reason today’s title is so moronic.

Truthfully, however, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t quite enjoy it. There’s a part of me happy to read through dross I know to be mendacious purely because I like to imagine whichever player mentioned in an Arsenal shirt and what his fortunes might be. Occasionally, I like to invent silly titles like the ones splattered across the web just for the fun of it. Titles that might sound a little something like this:

“Arsenal in mega convoy of super clubs yearning to release monetary glory all over the face of this Serie A club for exclusive rights to uber-starlet’s underwear range”

Or perhaps:

“Arsene Wenger spotted enjoying Meatball Marinara Subway on his way to buy Kalashnikov from Parisian slum in exchange for Sebastien Frey’s nightmares”

Even:

“Goat causes rapture amongst Arsenal squad as Mesut Ozil explodes into song and unleashes banshee at Werder Bremen in hope to tempt unborn foetus into Arsenal training camp”

And finally:

“Lemmings invade Yaya Sanogo’s subconscious! Arsene Wenger eager to buy these 5 strikers to apease the dark forces from beneath”

I’m just being bloody silly. There are other things I could talk about of note. For examples, I have recently begun to enjoy the occasional flutter and I might mention the advantages of playing online bingo in today’s market which are actually relatively obvious; there’s not travelling involved, nor do you have to endure the irksome cackles of “HOUSE” when a smart-arse pensioner cleans up.

Okay, this could very well be my worst blog post of all time. No – hold on.. F**k you, I kinda like it. Sure, there’s absolutely no point to it at all and there’s no structure, but hey – it reflects me in many ways (mostly bad). I think it’s probably best we forget this one.

Fear not, intrepid peruser, for I shall be endeavouring to bring you much glorious news and new stuff as the following months progress. Should you wish to offer a charitable donation towards these activities – blogging and podcasting is quite expensive to do if you want the best equipment – feel free to fire a little something my way. You can do so by clicking here.

Judging what I’ve written today, I might use some of that cash to have myself sectioned. I’ll look forward to the comments and leave you with a challenge; invent your own ridiculous headline like the hit-seeking ones plastered all over the aggregations sites. I’ll give a special mention to my favourite.

That’s all for today. I shall be back tomorrow with more. As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

6 Comments

  1. Little-Matt

    See you next season, dude.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @Little-matt: I’ll be here over the summer!

      Reply
  2. nijjy

    what’s your favorite goal this season guys? mine is the ramsey fa cup final goal. i know the whilshere goal against norwich and ramsey’s against liverpool and rosicky against spuds were great goals.

    but i’ll go for ramsey’s goal in the fa cup final for two reasons. first, the occasion- fa cup final, first trophy in 9 years from a player whose career was almost cut short by shawcross, booed and criticized by some fans of his own club only to bounce back in the best way possible.

    secondly, the technique of the shot and the build up before the ball ends up inside the net. i’m a bit surprised over the dearth of elaboration on the internet over the goal. but i’ll try to do that. wilshere plays the ball into sanogo, who almost seems confused with what to do with it but keeps it somehow and passes onto giroud. with his trademark flick, a backheel on this occasion, and ramsey is on hand to finish. now the finishing part- great credit to giroud for his awareness of ramsey’s presence, but when ramsey shapes up to shoot, he has very little time, but he doesn’t break stride. he hits it with the outside of his foot very sweetly and delicately as if caressing his girlfriend, as if he was in zero gravity with all the time in the world to adjust his foot to hit the ball while the hull goalie and others had to scramble against escape velocity once ramsey shaped up to shoot, as if it was a classic kung-fu/ action movie in which the final few kicks/punches from the hero to the villain in shown in slow-motion just to emphasize the appeal of the scene. that’s how beautiful it was.

    i know it’s all a bit cheesy. apologies in advance.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @nijjy: Rosicky at Spurs for me.

      Reply
  3. rhyle

    Good work this season, fella…don’t drive yourself mad in the summer over transfers…there as unreal as Wanted, as you imply. Side note: Wanted is based on a comic. Expected to be realistic is a bit much… 😀

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @ryhle: I know… I didn’t go into the cinema expecting to see the bank shoot-out from Heat, but it went a few steps too far for me 🙂

      Reply

Leave a comment. Go on, you know you wanna...