Arsenal to announce 2 incredible new signings on Saturday. £50m bid accepted, International striker in talks with Wenger.

Dick Law’s new “get ’em done ASAP’ attitude had wavered slightly…

Morning folks.

The season is but a mere 5 days over, and I’m already bored of transfer talk. One of the trickier parts of writing a updated-daily blog is that when the main body that contributes to your topics – the football season – finishes, you’re left with scraps, wild speculation, and having to repeat yourself. I am, at times, tempted to regale you fine folks with tales of my personal life, tales of hardship, struggle and the disdain I have for working in the catering industry. I could, but I don’t. If I get into the latter topic of the aforementioned, I could go very far afield – not that anyone whom I frequent work with actually reads any of this.

Today, anything of any relevance or interest is at a premium. The only real piece of news is Jack Wilshere heading to Sweden to have minor surgery on an inflammation in his knee. The club have assured the press it’s a simple porcedure, but that doesn’t stop folks on Twitter preparing eulogies and wondering if Arsenal will make history by fielding the first bionic player.

Other than that one, paltry nugget of news, our daily fix of Arsenal is left to be found in the world of delirious misinformation.

The Kagawa bid appears to be legitimate, and we await news from Yann M’Vila’s future from the horse’s mouth once the French league finishes this Sunday. The chances of signings  leans toward the Frenchman being reasonably likely, and the Japanese fellow seeming a certainty to head to Manchester.

Nothing new there.

One thing I reguarly notice around this time of year, and that I’m yet to address in my blogging, is the fevered ‘hit-hunting’ mentality adopted by some sites. A very helpful writer from an extremely established blog once told me that the key to attracting readers is to use titles that intrigue. However, I feel that some sites – naming no names – take that to ridiculous extremes. For example, on the Arsenal News feed, I reguarly see titles like the following:

“ARSENAL IN AUDACIOUS &70M SWOOP FOR INTERNATIONAL QUARTET!!!” UNITED TO SIGN JESUS AND KENNETH WILLIAMS IN £55M RAID!!!

Or another example might be:

“ROBIN VAN PERSIE: THE TOP10 INDICATIONS FROM HIS CHOICE OF BREAKFAST CEREAL THAT INDICATE HE’S LEAVING ARSENAL”

That kind of hyperbolic, unsubstantiated, made-up-as-they-go-along,  shit annoys me, and It has that reaction because it detracts from the blogs out there (not including me) that take the time to write informative, thoughtful, opinionated bits that fans can relate to and enjoy. So, I thought I’d use one of their pathetic, attention-seeking headlines in my title, and use the hits it gets to point those of you reading in the direction of some folks who write the good stuff I mentioned. Some folks that deserve the attention far more:

Go have a good old-fashioned snoop around what they’ve got to offer. You won’t be the slightest bit disappointed.

Thanks for reading today, you beautiful bastards. Take a moment to leave your views below, and if there is a blog out there that you like, bung a link with your comment.

You can follow my Twitter account – @_ArmchairGooner

56 Comments

  1. Apek

    Have to agree on this. Sometimes it is really ridiculous how the titles are written with aplomb, but the writings/articles are somewhat rubbish!

    Reply
  2. aaaaadbd

    Rubbish post n waste of ma time

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Very true, and you’re welcome…

      Reply
    2. Adamski

      ha, I would try and explain the irony to you of your comment but I seriously doubt you would get it…..

      Reply
  3. RodGoonerInTtown

    FUCK OFF!! and thanks mate 🙂

    Reply
  4. Candid gunner

    Paul, hmmn, dumb stuff, plus typo errirs, didn’t you proof-read?

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Did you?

      Reply
      1. Cjay

        Ha ha ha. I truly hope the spelling of ‘errors’ was ironic. Although I doubt it. If not you just made yourself out as an absolute, hypocritical twat!

        Reply
      2. Cjay

        Oh bollocks. An unnecessary ‘a’. Now I’m one too. Head hung in shame…….

        Reply
        1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

          I didn’t see any mistakes 🙂

          Reply
    2. udehsam

      errirs, as in error huh……..maybe you proof-read yours! hahaha….

      Reply
  5. ian

    hahaha… nice one

    Reply
  6. Kassa

    U are what fu’cking guy.so what?we can read.

    Reply
  7. mallam soda

    Its a grt effort to sharpen the team for the coming season,however,should not forget the goalkeeping aspect of the team for our scezeny is unpredictable and will virtually need some backup in the coming season.

    Reply
  8. Gunnner

    you mother fucker must stop posting this kinda shit!. 2011/12 was not a hunky dory season for arsenal so the fans are desperate for some new signing which is expected. So u mother fucker must stop putting this kinda bullshit on the site. If u are that bored fucking ur mom try ur sis bitch.
    -“Gunner till death”

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      “It’s my party, and I’ll bullshit if I want to…”

      Read why I did it, moron.

      Reply
      1. Gunner

        Guess who just rained on your parade u nimrod. Reason for that bullshit post ain’t good enough bitch. So whenever you feel like posting crap just shove a pic of Samir nazri up ur ass. Word?

        Reply
        1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

          I don’t care what you think.

          The point was to use the hits bullshit generates, and give some of them to people who deserve it.

          Reply
      2. Gunner

        I like to post abuse.

        This is mainly due to the fact I’m an insecure cretin.

        Reply
    2. samuel

      No need for crude childish language but you,re nevertheless correct in your comment about this past season being anything but hunky-dory,the fickle one-eyed Arsenl supporters have become so used to
      mediocrity under Arsene Wenger that any attempt to criticise their ho
      metown hero (sic ) is met with childish fawning bs ,time for Wenger to
      go as he cannot possibly take the club any further than 3rd place in
      the Premiership,seven trophyless seasons prove it ?

      Reply
    3. Decent

      pls show some decency, and stop speaking rubbish, doesnt suit u!

      Reply
      1. samuel

        Replying to me mister as you don,t say so,if you don,t like to hear
        the truth ,tough but it,s still the truth ,seven trophyless seasons un
        der; lost his mind Arsene Wenger; ,and you post childish nonense
        here,run away already cry-baby Arsenal fan ?

        Reply
  9. Barbes13

    if arsenal will compete she need to sign quality players in order to retain her on board quality ones. till the deal is done then we can be rest assure of RVP staying.

    Reply
  10. TherealDoc

    True!
    Having a reliable blog is hard to find.
    Many attention seeking crap that feeds more crap.

    One quick note on RVP !
    Why is anyone suprised that he wants a better squad ?
    Surely our best players have left and are leaving for the SAME reason. They all feel as most of us mature fans this squad isn’t good enough !
    Ramsy is NOT arsenal. No matter how much some fans disagree and keep saying kid needs time and all that rubbish, we clearly see RVP say the same thing indirectly !
    Same with Frimpong, jenkinson, Gibbs, squilacci, alumina, Denilson and many others.

    Yet we always allow crap players to stay and “develope” while arsenal fail every year.

    When RVP, Cesc, Nasri and others leave cos they see no future or glory at arsenal we are all shocked and call it greed.
    When we see arsenal fail by playing rubbish players we call it ” they need time” and Rambo will come good one day.

    Always we find excuses than speak the truth.
    Arsene is a stubborn arrogant manager that feeds on failed youth and a mentality of pleasing media and FA rather than having balls like ferguson and demanding respect.

    How many more failures till the fans demand his head?

    Sell the crap Arsene. All of em. Starting with that welsh flop !!
    Buy quality or go open a kindergarten pedophilia centre and play there while a real manager builds glory again here at arsenal !

    Reply
    1. samuel

      Before any selling is done get rid of ;lost his mind Wenger ; who still
      can,t take Arsenal further than 3rd place in the Premier League,the
      facts speak for themselves,19 points behind the two Manchester cl
      ubs and silly cry-baby childish fans like yourself blame Denilson,Ben’
      dnter ,Squillaci,Jenkinson etc. but don,t say a word about about
      leaving Ben-Ayoun on the bench ,match after match and playing
      rubbish Ramsey ,grow up already childish cry-baby fans ?

      Reply
    2. danielcowanafc

      With regards to RVP wanting a better squad it has to be noted that what many other players have failed to recognise and what I hope Robin will recognise is that it is impossible to build a team capable of challenging when all of your best players are leaving and you cannot buy an immediate replacement because your oil-rich competitors are offering them 3x what you can pay them. What then happens is you replace that player with a promising youngster that you can afford and you come close to achieving something but fall a little short and then your best player wants to leave so you have to replace with another kid. It is a vicious cycle and one that can only be broken by a team of quality players staying together. This team is pretty decent. They finished with more points and goals and in a higher position than the team did last year with Cesc and Nasri in it and they did it without Jack, with no fullback for over a month and after picking up only 4 points in 7 games. That shows that the team does have quality. The real question with RVP is does he believe the existing squad is capable of challenging? If yes then he can be assured that with a few additions that the team may be able to tip the balance in their favour. If he believes that they cannot compete then we are looking at buying 8 or 9 first team players and that isn’t going to happen. He needs to have faith in the existing squad to believe that we can challenge with a few additions.

      With regards to your other comments about the younger players; you are bonkers.

      Ramsey was one of our best players before he got his leg broken and this season everyone was expecting him to fill Cesc’s boots. That is a big ask for a young guy. If the fans didn’t get on his back so quickly he maybe wouldn’t try to make silly passes to impress them and might actually get a big of form. Jenkinson has been solid in the main this year, it is his first season in the EPL. If he was from overseas you’d be saying “he needs time to adapt to England”.Gibbs has the talent to be better than Ashley Cole, all he needs to do is get over his injury problems.

      Reply
    3. danielcowanafc

      With regards to RVP too many of our “stars” have left in search of trophies not realising that they are in fact partially causing the problems we are having. How can we challenge for titles if our best players leave every summer? We can’t afford to replace them with players at the same level because our oil-rich competitors are able to offer more money for them and 3x the wages we can offer.

      Eg, to replace Nasri last summer it would have cost us £35m for Hazard or £40m for Götze. We can’t afford that sort of money at the moment. In 2014 when our commercial deals are up for renewal and we can stop funding debt with player profit we will be able to. We then have to replace with a promising youngster who is cheap and that continues the cycle as we don’t win anything and our best players leave.

      The question for Robin now is does he believe in the this squad? If he does then he can be convinced that a couple of new signings will make the difference, if he doesn’t then we need to buy a whole new team and that won’t make him want to stay because all new teams need time to gel.

      I think he should be confident in this squad because with no full-backs for over a month, 4 points in first 7 games, no Jack all season, no Cesc or Nasri at all, 7 new players to bed into the squad and the press writing us off every week we still managed to finish higher than last season, with more goals and more points. Compared to last season that is progress and when you consider that it is with supposedly the worst Arsenal squad in 15 years then it is an achievement.

      I completely disagree with your comments about Jenkinson, Gibbs and Ramsey. You are just one of those fans that think everything can be solved by selling this player or that player and that a player out of form is just “shit”. Ramsey is not shit, he is out of form, low on confidence and desperate to be loved by the fans again. Before his injury he looked amazing and everyone was raving about him. He took a while to get back to fitness and then all of a sudden he is supposed to fill the boots of Cesc, the player who had created more chances and given more assists over the previous 5 seasons that any other player in Europe including the great Xavi and Iniesta. Those are big boots to fill, couple that with a few bad games, a lack of fitness from never having played a full season before and breaking his leg whilst still physically developing and then pile on his mentor and idol committing suicide and you have a deeply unhappy boy, that’s right, a boy, he is not fully a man yet. So what do the Arsenal fans do when they see him having a rough time? They get on his back, call him shit and boo him. What does he do? He tries to win the fans over by attempting fancy passes and runs and he loses the ball causing them to boo him more so he tries again and again. What he needs is for the fans to get off his back, let him get his head straight and he will come back and be a great player for Arsenal. The other option is we keep giving him a hard time, he leaves, he gets his head straight elsewhere and shows everyone how good he is at another club and we all slag off Wenger for selling him.

      Jenkinson looked stronger and stronger with every game before his injury. It’s his first bloody season in the premiership, give him a chance to develop. Even Henry had a hard time of it when he first joined but we were patient and look what happened there.

      Gibbs has the ability to be better than Ashley Cole and he will be once he manages to shake his injuries.

      People forget that if you get injured between the ages of 16 and 22 it is tough to shake those injury problems for years because you’ve had a major injury at a time your body is still developing.

      Remember, we are Arsenal SUPPORTERS not Arsenal BOOERS. Support, don’t boo.

      Reply
  11. Scott

    A while back,I wrote a story on request from a blogger.
    I’m no journo,but was happy with the final article when reading it back.
    Then it appeared on the net……..the title and most content was changed.
    Not due to readability lacking,not to lack of fact or evidence,it wasn’t sensational enough.
    I told the guy to sick it up his arse as I didn’t think we were trying to sell newspapers.
    Never,ever again.
    Good article,and I wish all Arsenal bloggers had the same credibility this author has displayed.

    Reply
  12. Pavlos

    I’ve learnt to avoid headlines from Caught Offside. Nice article.

    Reply
  13. Henry Oparah

    The story can’t be tru.

    Reply
  14. Albert

    It’s funny how the first few comments/ppl don’t get what the blog was about. Hillarious. These are the same nuggets who take the shit from the daily mail, sun, etc…
    Very nice write-up. Don’t let the hacks bring you down. 😉
    And you didn’t mentioned – “Yogi’s Warrior – A Cultured Left Foot.”
    Have a look into it. Cheers mate!!

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      You should see the ones I deleted!

      Reply
  15. Akinyemi bunmi

    Arsenal should try and keep van persle for another season to try and avoid the repeat of last season.

    Reply
  16. Akinyemi bunmi

    Arsene wenger should try and sign new players so as to keep van persle

    Reply
  17. Kenyan Gunner

    Thank God we shall have the Euros and Olympics to read stuff about rather than all the lies and speculation. This article is the most popular on Arsenalnews.net. Cheers mate.

    Reply
  18. jordan opoku

    i wish wenger and all his board members are dead and gone. so that arsenal will have a new coach and new board member that could function as that of teams like barca,madrid,bayern etc.

    Reply
    1. samuel

      The board ,consisting of Stan Kroenke ,Ivan Gazidis and other major
      Arsenal shareholders ,doesn,t interfere with Arsene Wenger,s wee
      kly team selections,it,s simply not their function,so don,t post rubb
      ish here ,you,re making a fool of yourself,only one person is to bla
      me for seven trophyless seasons ,Arsene Wenger,no one else?

      Reply
      1. danielcowanafc

        The blame lies with the entire club. The board for not giving Wenger enough money to buy experienced players. Gazidis and his commercial team for not increasing our commercial revenue and sitting on their hands waiting for 2014 when everything is up for renewal so they can look good. Wenger for believing in the youth only policy for too long. The coaching staff for the defence not being good enough. The players for not sticking to the game plan and the fans for making the players feel like shit. I feel sick to my stomach when I hear the away fans are louder than us. Our away fans are better than our home fans and that is why we sometimes perform better away from home eg we beat Chelski 5-3 away when they were looking decent yet drew 0-0 with them at home when they were looking shit.

        Reply
  19. alexander

    worst article i ever read !just waste my 5 minute to understand this kind of shit !LOL !

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

      Reply
  20. samuel

    He didn,t enjoy it all he said it was the worst article he,s ever read,try
    answer your critics intelligently and not with rubbish childish answers?

    Reply
    1. danielcowanafc

      Irony is lost on you Samuel my friend.

      Reply
    2. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      The article had a purpose; to take the hits ridiculous, speculative titles get and send them to people who write good blogs.

      It did that.

      People can abuse me all they like, I didn’t write today for any of them.

      Reply
      1. King

        Lovely post. I admire it greatly.

        Reply
  21. thedude

    Oh the irony.

    Reply
  22. Albert

    So, the trolls are here in full glory.
    And you Samuel, since you are so intelligent, why don’t you read what you type?
    FFS.. You sound like a 9 year old kid- What is it with your punctuations?
    And while you’re at it, take a hike.
    Oh and btw, Arsenal – 7 Years without a Trophy?? Look how long Man$hitty had to wait for theirs. Twat!

    Reply
  23. Asunmoge

    Fed up of this same story,lets see it officially if Arsenal sign

    Reply
  24. Hamdi jama

    Arsnenal wil nt succes or chaleng the tile rise unles winker wil leave the time he dnt wnt 2 spend big kjyk other clubs city blue man u nd other els plz dnt becnme sprit funs of guners

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      That’s a baffling code…

      Reply
      1. Albert

        Winker??? Hahahahaha..
        This just keeps getting better and better and I don’t even understand a word of it.

        Reply
  25. Raul

    hahaha? nice one

    Reply
  26. haadey

    Live long j

    Reply
  27. Sodeeq

    Well said i think i av read so many ridiculous news that i dont u’stand where they get their news from

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      They invent it, as far as I can tell.

      Reply
  28. Abubakar baba alhaji

    I wnt arsenal 2 sign 4 players,2 convince rvp 2 stay at arsenal next season.

    Reply
  29. Gunningforglory

    Wat a waste of my precious time.

    Reply

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