Arsenal – why U no sign da players?

“Yes James – I am the internet, and I refuse to work”

Morning folks.

There was no post yesterday, and I apologise for that. Things beyond my control prevented my daily digest hitting cyberspace – namely, the bloody internet connection at my house decided to go into full meltdown. I did consider using the WordPress iPhone app, but that tends to be about as user-friendly and a condom smeared with Tabasco Sauce.

I also considered going all Tron Legacy, and transporting myself into BT’s Homehub and engaging whatever pesky gremlin had caused the malfunction to a race on those fancy neon cycles. Or Disc Wars perhaps. However, having consulted the manual. I discovered that’s not actually possible. Pity…

But, hey – I’m back today. (cue: howls of elation)

One of the things occupying my mind in the past day is transfers, or the distinct lack thereof. Not being the type to veer wildly from hope to despair, the fact a relatively unknown Frenchman with a dubious injury record is our only addition hasn’t worried me at all.

However, with such promise on the horizon, and time steadily ticking away until the glorious return of Premiership football, my thoughts have taken a turn toward the uneasy. That’s not to say I’ll be lining everything in my home with black bin liners and screaming at the internet until I’m blue in the face – I’m not quite than unstable. It’s more the recollections of seasons past that troubles me.

We’ve been here before. We’ve been promised much, only to see excellent players depart to be replaced by those not quite as good. I desperately hope this summer will be different – one where top players sign and the same tried excuses aren’t thrown at us ad nauseam. Yet, as each day passes, edging us closer and closer to the panic zone, I begin to doubt my initial optimism was wise.

For all we know, Dick Law is spreadeagled on a beach somewhere, lazily rummaging in his underpants and sipping on a cocktail, instead of negotiating deals with Europe’s elite. Perhaps all this talk of “big name” additions is a marketing ploy to get us all hyped-up and throwing our disposable cash at the new memorabilia.

Or perhaps all this boredom is allowing my mind to play tricks on me…

I have no insider knowledge. I merely speculate and then ramble. There are many with legitimate sources within the Club who assure us wonders will materialise. Deals could be announced tomorrow that are so earth-shattering, I might explode in a mass of goo, ejaculates and smiles . They could be….

I just wish they’d hurry up. Put us out of our misery and allow us something of merit, that’s substantial, to talk about. I’d love nothing more than to be able to write about how gleeful I am now we have Higuain and Suarez spearheading our attack.

Then you marvellous people wouldn’t have to come here, read a few lines and exclaim,

“What the f**k is he talking about? This post is close to 700 words, and he’s not really made anything resembling a salient point. I think he’s abusing a substance. I mean, Jesus Christ – he’s now rattling on in the form of a quote from a un-named other person – supposedly one of us who reads his stuff. He’s just filling up space with blathery muck. I don’t like this blog anymore. I think I’ll insult his mother, inform him of my recent sexual relations with his cat, and then send a polaroid of some excrement to his E-mail address” 

And you’d be well within your rights to do so (but please don’t).

That’s me done for today. The comments await your views and opinions below. Should be interesting. I’m going to head into work now, and file a harshly written complaint about how hot it gets working in the kitchen at present. I do believe I’m having a few issues with my sanity.

As always, thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

19 Comments

  1. Bergkamp63

    The reason we sign nobody until the last minute is to save money on wages ! If they sign on 1st July instead of 1st Sept we have 2 months more wages to pay for our “marquee signings”.

    Scrooge comes to mind !

    Reply
    1. Norfolk Gooner

      Bergie, that’s the most cogent reason for not diving into the transfer pond that I’ve seen. Saving two months wages! It explains everything! Thank you.

      Reply
  2. oz gooner

    when (supposedly) a player of the magnitude of Krull turns you down in favour of Newcastle !!!!!???? you know things ain’t great, With every other team bedding in their new recruits on their pre season sojourns we are left to read the stupid posts rumouring us to everyone whilst in fact we get no one Sorry Yaya. I just hope our only 2 centre backs have an extremely injury free start to the season

    Reply
  3. Come

    Tryhard

    Reply
  4. atid

    Fabianski
    Jenkinson vermaelen miquel monreal
    Diaby ramsey
    Chamberlain rosicky ryo
    sanogo

    Not bad for a back up x1, ok diaby is injured and so are his would replacements frimpong and yennaris but I think aneke could step up.

    Reply
  5. Damo

    Still like your blog!
    Haven’t met your mother. “Am sure she is lovely”
    Like cats!
    Don’t like waiting but hoping this time will be different.
    Love “The Arsenal”
    Hope Dick is using his phone at the beach.
    Know we wil win the Premier League next year.

    Optimistic Aussie Gooner

    Reply
  6. J@J.com

    “Deals so earth-shatteringly that I might explode in a mass of goo, ejaculates and smiles could be announced tomorrow.”

    Dude that is life in Jail from the grammar police.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      You have a point, sir. I really shouldn’t post so late, as I make awful mistakes!

      Reply
  7. Figoxor

    What did you mean by delicious post? O.o

    Reply
  8. Patrick

    I wish my internet looked like Olivia Wilde.
    Yeah im bored too

    Reply
  9. arsenal-steve

    Just recently Brendan Rogers reassured the Liverpool fans by making a statement to them that he was still going to buy some good players.What becomes clear that at Arsenal things are different. There is no respect for the real paying fans.There is a big showy tour of Asia opening markets to make money.Do those fans in Asia know the truth. Not one word of reassurance for the real fans who pay a small fortune to watch the club. The fans who pay Wenger’s over inflated wages. Disrespect…Wenger disrespects the supporters. Not a word to encourage us or to reassure us. In my opinion he has become our very own dictator and like dictators he has no regard for his people. If we give him a new contract we will regret it. Jovetic, Rooney, Higuain, Capoue, Suarez, Bender….everybody knows in their hearts that Wenger will not buy any of them. Not one of them. It’s posturing and we know that. It’s guaranteed. Yet this money making club will rush to sign it’s biggest signing, Arsenal Wenger, who is lining his and their pockets with gold….unashamedly.

    Reply
  10. Faseer tyotsugh

    Mr,i‘m not sure if arsenal are going to secure the signature of the both said strikers due to the way and manner of the stingy man in charge by name wenger,imaging,the managment of arsenal fc gave him money to get big names only to see him bore a plane to france and pic accedemic footballers that can‘t even compete for silver wears,but at the end of the day he will be expecting we fans to be cheering him up.look Arsen wenger,arsenal fc is not an accedemic club where we train children but a club where we all have vission and aim,those aim are simply winning trophies for the fans.grab your copy now.

    Reply
  11. Gooner 9

    We have a terrible reputation I think with the elite players around the world why!?
    look at the Higuain situation he blatantly doesn’t want to join us!
    We have now become a last resort to the top players or a stepping stone for the up and coming young hot prospects!

    Reply
    1. Ade

      And you have one man to thank for that. Wenger.

      Reply
  12. Mikaxa xukaxa

    reading posts like this is better than going through recurrent rumours, i’M beginning to picture another 4th place battle.

    Reply
  13. arsenal_steve

    Just recently Brendan Rogers reassured the Liverpool fans by making a statement to them that he was still going to buy some good players.What becomes clear that at Arsenal things are different. There is no respect for the real paying fans.There is a big showy tour of Asia opening markets to make money.Do those fans in Asia know the truth. Not one word of reassurance for the real fans who pay a small fortune to watch the club. The fans who pay Wenger’s over inflated wages. Disrespect…Wenger disrespects the supporters. Not a word to encourage us or to reassure us. In my opinion he has become our very own dictator and like dictators he has no regard for his people. If we give him a new contract we will regret it. Jovetic, Rooney, Higuain, Capoue, Suarez, Bender….everybody knows in their hearts that Wenger will not buy any of them. Not one of them. It’s posturing and we know that. It’s guaranteed. Yet this money making club will rush to sign it’s biggest signing, Arsenal Wenger, who is lining his and their pockets with gold….unashamedly.

    Reply

    Reply
  14. arsenal-steve

    Why is my comment awaiting moderation for hours? But others comments go straight on the blog.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      It’s your first time posting a comment.

      Reply
  15. Chyke

    Patiently praying for the best out come!!….

    Reply

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