Arsene Inherits Astonishing £50m Talent From Suspicious Uncle’s Will.

A man of quiet thought.

Morning, folks.

The odd moments for me are when I have plentiful bouts of time for blogging and the egregious monster of having bugger all to say rears its ‘orrible face. That is my situation at present. Usually when this occurs I decide the best course of action is to invent a particularly silly title, rattle incessantly and allow the chips to fall where they may.

Yep, that’s what I’m going to do.

I often recall fondly the first time I caught herpes. I was a young man at the beginning of a journey, she was an experienced prostitute with a heart of gold. Our paths crossed one autumn morning in the disabled toilets of a Burger King; sparks flew, angels sang and the Earth ceased to spin on its axis for the merest of moments as if the gods themselves paused to witness our union. 10 minutes and £15 later she left in a blur of cheap perfume and ill-fitting, trampy footwear. Gone, but never forgotten. Where are you now, Shaniqua?

No. That’s a bit weird. 

This blog is dedicated to happenings surrounding Arsenal and all their magnificence, so that’s probably a good place to start. I’ll leave the foolishness for other places. Right… Let’s have a look what’s happening today…

Not a great deal.

These situations arise frequently in the purgatory of pre-season. When even the spurious transfer dross dries up momentarily, conjuring interesting talking points isn’t too tricky a task for those with great tactical dissection and unrivalled knowledge of the world game. For me, it’s an insufferable pain in the arse.

I guess I ought be mentioning that the deal for Mathieu Debuchy looks to be secured some time in the not-so-distant future,  but I feel like I’ve been saying that for weeks now and it all could very well rumble on interminably. Other places seem to think our wooing of Sami Khedira has taken a hammer blow thanks to the personal intervention of Jose Mourinho, but I’m inclined to sneer at such stories and bellow the word, “hogwash!” because anything involving that irksome man deserves to be dealt with in the most dismissive manner imaginable.

Oh, I’ve just remembered something!

I can use this moment to point you in the direction of something I wrote for Positively Arsenal about Aaron Ramsey that actually involves me talking about football for several paragraphs. Do make sure you have a read of that, folks.

For now, I think it’s best to put a stop to my rambling and head out. I’ve a busy day of doing nothing in particular planned and I must shower and make myself look beautiful. All that remains is to humbly request you pour out your hearts to me in the comments section and try not to be too abusive because all of the above is, essentially, just a load of irrelevant nonsense.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

7 Comments

  1. El vagaa vesus

    I always look, i see, i view, i keep scouring and i always end up rating,”you are a beautiful blog bastard.” you’re damn sexy even with you are working in the toilet. That’s why i after this plate is finished, i need another full plate after you beautiful bastard! 🙂

    Reply
  2. El vagaa vesus

    I always look, i see, i view, i keep scouring and i always end up rating,”you are a beautiful blog bastard.” you’re damn sexy even when you are working in the toilet. That’s why after this plate is finished, i need another full plate after you beautiful bastard! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Vaibhav Ailawadi

    James, you ramble too much. >:(

    Reply
  4. loubag

    What happened to shaniqua, that poor befuddled heartbrocken golden hearted escort lady?? oh n yeah super rambo is gunna smash it properly this season with the assist master to come out of his shell 🙂 and the venomous one to be fired by march (HOPEFULLY)

    Reply
  5. Arcy_Vangkerr

    Aaron is just skill and class. …I wish him all the best personally and for the Arse.
    A young legend from the start, he flipped the finger to ‘ol whiskey nose and the neville to come to us….
    After what should/could have been a career ending mugging from that stoke based c@#t (even though I and 1000’s of other gooners would have eagerly danced all over his face and feet with a hammer), Aaron refused to even condemn him choosing instead to get fitter and stronger and come back to play at the very top level (I hesitate to say ‘best’ cos I genuinely believe we haven’t actually seen Aaron Ramsey reach his best yet)…. (that England call up didn’t last long did it ryan??!!).
    Looking ahead I get more than a little excited (in an entirely inappropriate way!!) thinking of him dancing through defenders…but those insanely delicious through balls he can play for Theo n Alexis to burst onto cos nobody else can keep up!!!….mmmm!

    Yep, it’s gonna be a good year Aaron! !

    Reply
  6. Goonerbeall

    Nice one Uncle, Especially if that Shaniqua. Yeah, this season should be one which our performance
    Reminds us the Arsenal of early naughties. I have a strange feeling
    that our Wenger is increasingly unable to learn that changes and how you
    change determine success.
    Yes Sanchez is here but alone the team will not improve.
    Without a proper DM we wont even attain top 4. What’s worrying is our defence. A defence that shipped in 20 goals in 4 matches has us not getting attention it deserves an yet our BFG will turn 30and Vermaellen is pants aand wants out. Has anyone noted Joachim Loew cunning withdrawal of Mertesacker in semi final and final? Can Wenger have learnt something? I think not.

    Reply
  7. Veer

    Brilliant post on Ramsey 🙂

    Reply

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