Arsene Wenger Hates Danny Welbeck And Vows To Shoot Him Into the Sun.

“what the bloody hell is going on?!”

It’s not often I’m near my computer when the world of Twitter has a meltdown. Today appears the exception to that rule. Nor is it a regular occurrence I allow myself to become embroiled in said meltdowns. Ordinarily, I’m far too stupid to care.

Today, however, I’m at a loss to understand just how something that, to me at the very least, seems so innocuous and inane can spark folk into slobbering rage.

If you’ve not already heard, this quote from Arsene was released regarding the signing of Danny Welbeck being completed whilst he was in Rome:

“If I had stayed in my home, he would not be here – that’s the truth”

That tiny statement sent Twitter into the kind of eruption that you’d expected to be accompanied by Tommy-Lee Jones scampering around Los Angeles rescuing hapless pedestrians. Conspiracy theorists licked their lips and hit-hungry merchants of dross leapt to write hate-filled posts smirking gormlessly in the knowledge an abundance of clicks would head their way.

Even in that form, it strikes me as nothing other than a reason for Arsene’s presence in Rome being beneficial to the signing of Welbeck. Others, very strongly, assumed the manager was hinting at his displeasure for a signing those conspiracy theorists implied was made behind his back – a fu*king stupid thing to say when you take into account how often they critique his involvement in absolutely everything, only to believe he’d have nothing to do with a transfer because it suits their agenda.

Low and behold, moments later the actual quote in it’s entirety, courtesy of The Telegraph appeared:

“If I had not travelled that day, Welbeck would not be here. The coincidence made it. If I stayed in my home, Welbeck would not be here. I will tell you that story one day. That is the truth. We are in 2014, you can always be in touch.”

I’m no ‘Arsene Apologist’, nor am I any of those irritating initialisms/acronyms you see labelled onto just about everyone. Our manager makes mistakes just like everybody else. What I find immeasurably frustrating is the speed in which something so innocuous is doctored to suit a narrative that engenders hatred and petulance.

It’s only done to attract hits. No other reason. Anyone these days can start a website and plaster speculative opprobrium across cyberspace to attract attention. All you need is the will to see the bad in absolutely everything. It’s ridiculously simple. Here, I’ll show you:

Let’s imagine Arsene says this in a press conference:

It was a sunny day when we signed Danny Welbeck. I like him as a player, he can make intelligent runs and he likes to shoot at goal. I think he will do well at Arsenal, I’d hate to see a player we’ve invested money in fail.

Now, let’s imagine we’re a journalist working at the Daily Mail. In order to get into character, I’ve just sh*t myself, made some racist comments and bashed my head against the desk until I’ve got a terrible concussion. All I need to do is take a few key words from that quote and re-arrange them into something that’ll attract attention – not forgetting to capitalise the really important words:

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger HATES Danny Welbeck and threatens to SHOOT him into the SUN if the investment made by his club FAILS.

See how simple that is? 100k page hits. Guaranteed. Forget any iota of fact, that doesn’t matter.

The truth is folks, you have to fish out the good these days. As Arsenal fans, we’re lucky to have people like Andrew at Arseblog who is an established figure and doesn’t need to post unbridled sh*t to attract readers. The trouble is figures like that are few and far between. They are out there, folks. Take a moment to look and find them. They’ll serve you so much better than the rest.

I’m off to have some lunch and enjoy the sunshine. Hope you enjoyed today’s little bonus post. I’ll be back tomorrow – thanks for reading again, you beautiful bastards.


7 thoughts on “Arsene Wenger Hates Danny Welbeck And Vows To Shoot Him Into the Sun.”

  1. As I am sure you are aware, Wenger was looking at a loan move for Welbeck. However he was delighted that Welbeck was available for transfer at £16 million pounds. The full transcript of his ‘ tongue in cheek comment ‘ was that as he had to be up at 6am, to travel to Rome. He was available early to discuss the deal, particularly now with 24hours communication. Wenger is a very clever man, and spends a lot of time, giving the thick media the run around! This is similar to him playing football in Brazil on the beach, while cutting the Sanchez and other deals.

  2. Why is it strange? If anything he admits if he wasn’t up by then, ostensibly because he had to be in Rome, he may not have been aware of Welbeck’s availability and may not have made/received the call. Plus, it meant he was available monitoring things all day. Let’s get real, people.

  3. It’s quite obvious wenger was in wind up mode. The press asked silly questions and wenger treated them as such. The whole point that should be extracted here is it didn’t matter where wenger was on that day as he has technology such as a smart phone whereby he was fully contactable. This means he was fully aware of the on goings and had sanctioned the deal whether it be a loan with an option to buy or a outright purchase. Which makes me think he didn’t want a short term loan. He wanted an option to buy or to buy.

    The press seem to think that he wasn’t contactable and that had he been in England he would have stopped the deal taking place which is utter trite as nothing happens at arsenal without wengers say so!

  4. Let me try this:
    “Armchair gooner, who knows better than lazy journalist trying to get more hits on his despicable website by spewing nonsense about Arsenal and Arsene Wenger, wins award”
    “Armchair gooner, spewing nonsense on his despicable website about Arsenal and trying to get hits by better journalist who wins award, knows more than lazy Arsene Wenger”
    Exact same words, just took a sentence that makes sense, and turned it in a trolling trash-site styled long headline.

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