Chamakh won’t leave, Wilshere to play ‘behind closed doors’ friendly, the Podolski medical and Yaan M’Vila: should we or shouldn’t we?

Midweek salutations, delicious reader. Quite a bit of news today. I’ll start with the exceedingly good news of Jack Wilshere’s return. Today, it’s reported he’ll take part in a friendly game against Birmingham that will be cut off from the public eye. I’m sure you’ll all agree that’s a superb…

Would you take Bendtner back?

Tuesday morning greetings, folks. Apologies for the lateness of today’s entry. Ordinarily, I strive to have my witless chuntering up and available for reading before the stroke of 9am. This morning, thanks in no small measure to a late night, I’ve overslept slightly and it’s all one big rush to…

QPR reaction, M’Vila and stuff.

Monday morning, slightly-blusey greetings, folks. Watching Spurs win yesterday pained me, as seeing those grubby inbreds invariably does. The 3 points they gained by beating Swansea certainly adds a little spice to proceedings. Losing at QPR wasn’t quite the apocalyptic disaster a few of Twitter’s more grumpy members would have…

Big Ted’s player of the month: March

For March, the obvious choice is the resurgent Tomas Rosicky. After a lengthy spell of lacklustre performances, the Czech midfielder has exploded into life in recent weeks. Fantastic, productive, goal-scoring displays against Spurs and Milan standout. Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards! Follow @JamesRaulStokes

Wenger resigns in wake of QPR defeat.

FA Premiership, March 31st; QPR 2-1 Arsenal Morning, not-as-happy-as-yesterday-but-with-no-reason-for-ridiculous-anger Gooners. That didn’t really go according to plan, did it? I’ve always got this really peculiar sense of what’s coming before games. I’m hardly trying to portray myself as some all-knowing prophet or psychic medium capable of gleaning information by stroking…

Starting XI against QPR and team news. UEFA are morons.

FA Premiership, March 31st: QPR Vs Arsenal Saturday is here. Glorious football returns. Morning, folks! Queens Park Rangers are one of those clubs I’ve built up a hatred for very quickly. My disdain doesn’t reach the unwavering levels I reserve for those grubby, inbred neighbours of ours, but any team…

WE NEED A F@*%ING MIDFIELDER!

Friday greetings, boys ‘n’ girls. Quite some time ago, a work colleague of mine told me a story about themselves in which they woke up at 3am with an incredible craving for chocolate. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I found this unbelievably hilarious. What I’m certain was a fairly humdrum…