The bewlidering world of Theo Walcott.

Good evening, you sexually provocative bunch of rascals. It’s one of those days today. I could be watching ‘El Clasico’, but the sight of Cesc gleefully exchanging passes with Messi whilst skipping about the pitch like a Rabbit in a meadow invariably fills me with resentment. Coupled with the fact…

We need a transfer. Why aren’t we getting one?

Howdy, ladies and gentleman. News broke tonight of Newcastle’s success in signing Papiss Cisse for a reported £10m. It’s a good price for a talented and fairly prolific striker, and, worst of all, he was once flirting with the fringes of Arsene Wenger’s radar. At 26, he’s a couple of…

**Insert a succession of profanity here**

Morning, happy campers… Where to begin? Well, it’s fair to say the performance yesterday was nothing short of a shower of shit. Before I get into sharing the incandescent fury brewing within me, I’d like to offer a few words of praise for our conquerers Swansea; they performed magnificently and…

Something certain to cheer you up, Arsenal fans.

This is a photo of Big Ted – the bear I’ve had since birth – displaying more steely determination and desire in the tackle than the average member of Arsenal’s first team manages to exude in 90 minutes. He plays at full-back… Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Feel free…

Swansea preview, Arsenal miss out on Jadson and Twitter

Morning, lovelies. Let’s begin with what’s important – Swansea away – before I digress into rambling and moaning. With Spurs dropping points at home to a resilient Wolves (kudos to Frimpong for blowing kisses to the Spuds’ braindead fanbase), tomorrow’s game gives a welcome opportunity to shorten the gap between…