The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

The Supremacy Of Nacho Monreal

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Monreal is better than all you cunts.

Nacho Monreal. A slightly weird name for a player with a slightly weird face slightly covered by a slightly weird haircut that always seems to tease between fringe and quiff. At this moment in time, that man happens to be the most in form defender we have. Some will say that Nacho has had a dramatic turn around over the last few games after being poor previously. Those people are liars and sex pests. Monreal has consistently been our best defender all season, to the despair of some of our fanbase who regarded him as less popular than Al Qaeda at the start of the season. Continue reading

Santi Cazorla or Mesut Ozil Centrally? Favourites For The FA Cup?

A trinket available in May.

Morning, folks.

I’m writing this post to you last night. I’ve just finished watching Gone Girl (which is darkly, unsettlingly brilliant) in enough time to see Philippe Coutinho curl a winner for Liverpool at Bolton in the final minutes of the game (which was darkly, unsettlingly brilliant). Brendan Rodgers is currently goose-stepping manically about his technical area in celebration as that horrendous beak on his face disrupts the Earth’s gravity. The massive c*nt.

The FA Cup, aye…

Few could dispute England’s most traditional competition represents our most likey avenue for success. With the shocks of the previous round reverberating throughout the land, Arsenal find themselves in a position where the competition now appears jarringly winnable.

However, this will be a sentiment shared by both Liverpool and Manchester United. Louis van Gaal may look like a poorly inflated corpse, but he is not known for his modesty – he rarely does anything other than bleat out of his asre about how oh-so bloody wonderful he is, so, doubtless to say, he fancies his side’s chances.  Continue reading

Galatasaray, A Ramsey Thunderbolt And The Stalking Of Nigel Winterburn.

Nigel Winterburn in his playing days.

Evening, folks.

This is the first time I’ve been able to plonk myself in front of the computer for the best part of the previous 48 hours. Often the elements conspire in unpleasant, work-related ways to prevent digits connecting with keys. Thankfully, on this particular occasion, the reasons stand proudly the polar opposite.

On Tuesday evening, myself and a few friends from The Goonersphere Podcast were invited to a Grosvenor Casino in Piccadilly Circus to watch the final game of Arsenal’s Champions League group, gorge ourselves senseless on the array of complimentary treats offered and, best of all, engage in a chin-wag with bonafide Arsenal legend, Nigel Winterburn.

I can report that the event was overwhelmingly a success. The venue was extremely nice, and the atmosphere created was wonderful – no strictly adhered to itinerary, but a formal, friendly atmosphere in which we were able to ‘hang-out’ with a player many of us idolised throughout our formative years. Think – a trip down the pub with your friends, only this time the food and drink is free and an ex-player happens to be there. Continue reading

The Alternative Arsenal Season Preview 2014/2015 Part 1.

Morning, folks.

I did say I’d return to regular blogging, didn’t I…

Sometimes, things just don’t work out the way you’d want them to. With moving house making me irascible and my spare time at a premium because of this, those grand plans I had initially have faltered and failed to come to fruition. 

However, I do have my friend Dyllan Munro, and he likes to write article in his inimitable style. So, safe from all the usual talk of transfer rumours and regurgitated statistics, here’s his take on what we can expect in the 2014/2015 season. Part 2 follows very soon. 

- James. 

Bonjour fannybandits.

Having established myself as a sophisticated muthafu*ka in my greeting, you can rest assured that my word and opinions can not only be trusted but have been meticulously researched and as such should here forth be acknowledged as irrefutable facts and not the ramblings of a delusional student with an alcohol dependency. Continue reading

Arseblog and Sparseblog.

Welcome to the Arse.

Evening, delicious lifeforms.

Seeing as James Rodriguez and I share a first name, I thought I’d give using the Colombian pronunciation a whirl. Turns out a Bristolian man referring to himself as ‘Ham-es’ comes across as a bit of a prick. Pity, becuase I quite liked the sound of it, it gave me an edge of mystery. ‘Ham-es’ ‘Raul’ Stokes is the kind of guy you can’t trust, a renegade, a nomadic, a sorcerer…. Or a bit of a prick…

I’ve not posted in a few days so I guess I should belatedly welcome Mathieu Debuchy having seen the French right-back complete his move to Arsenal. Welcome, may your days as a Gooner be rich with wondrous performances and great accomplishments.

Also, I guess I ought explain my absences. It’s difficult being the sole writer of a blog when you’ve many other things to attend to. How Andrew writes Arseblog every day without fail is beyond me. I assume he’s developed an X-Men-like mutation that enables him to suspend time and write blogs leisurely.  At present, my efforts are very much Sparseblog compared to Arseblog (I’m going to use that as the title). Continue reading

£27m Balotelli For Arsenal And A Few World Cup Views.

“Thanks, Joe – now I don’t have dandruff, just silky and manageable hair”

Greetings, Earthlings. I’ve been away for such a long time. Seems almost an eternity since digits danced with keys and blathery goodness was the result. Why such a elongated dalliance with obscurity and the realms of the unheard, I hear you collectively ponder? Well, scrumptious creatures, a combination of intense workloads in my personal life, excessive heat and a lack of inclination has conspired and caused such a glaring lack of posts.

In my absence, I’ve been keenly watching the World Cup. Having initially sworn I, “wasn’t that bothered”, such has been the quality of the football on show I’ve now got right into it all. Aside from England, that is. If you’re familiar with me and the stuff I write, you’ll already know I’m not really that patriotic – Club football takes precedence over its international counterpart everyday of the week. England’s unceremonious dumping from the tournament  at the hands of a decent Italy side and a toothy racist hardly registered with me at all. Continue reading

What If Arsene Was To Quit In The Summer?

“Shut up, Ashton, you enormous tool”

Afternoon, lovelies.

Apologies straight away as this post will lack what is my customary format. At present I’m scandalously ignoring tasks at work I ought not be to bring you today’s entry from my iPhone – a pursuit which is an abominable pain in my arse, I might add.

Thinking. That’s what I’ve been doing a great deal of since Saturday’s hapless capitulation and resulting farrago of rage and bitterness. Making sense of the whole epic mess isn’t especially easy. In fact, it’s impossible. I challenge anyone to process the events and come up with a list of rational explanations for what our eyes witnessed. I sure as hell can’t.

The interesting thing for me, at least, is the quickness in which opinion of Arsene Wenger can change, almost instantaneously in some cases. With news circulating about him intending to step down in the summer, it would appear those with hatred towards the man will get what they want. If you believe such things, that is. Continue reading