There isn’t much in life that frightens me. Short of being cornered by a rag-tag bunch of militant clowns hell-bent on performing that annoying ‘look at my flower!’ trick, I walked this Earth free from terror. However, thanks to the bombshells dropped by a certain little Scottish urchin, I am now all too aware of the existences of Hamwiches.
For those of you blissfully unaware, the Hamwich is a stingingly hideous creation comprising of processed ham, cheese and breadcrumbs. Sculpted in the flames of Hades by The Desolate One himself, these repugnant things are readily available in your average supermarket. They disgust me to the very core of my being. The look of them alone is enough to evoke rampaging bouts of nausea, I daren’t consider the taste for fear of imploding altogether.
Look for yourself. Behold, the Hamwich!
Anyway, I’m rambling.
Enough time has passed for me to stifle the urge to burn each, every and and any Hamwich-making establishment to the ground and discuss something of mild pertinence. As is so customary this time of the year with the World Cup now behind us, talk is dominated by the speculative and ponderings of incomings.
With Alexis Sanchez an Arsenal player, the oh-so irregular occurrence of a big name signing arriving before August 31st has Gooners salivating over the prospects of others following. Mathieu Debuchy should be all wrapped and delivered before too long along with young Javier Manquillo from Atletico Madrid. The column inches dedicated to either have taken an enormous fall off in recent weeks because there a new name being brandished about with gay abandon; Sami Khedira.
The German midfielder is looking like he’ll become a Gooner. Quite a few publications – differing wildly in their reliability – claim their ‘insider knowledge’ tells them a fee has already been agreed with the two clubs, the only stumbling block at present being wages. Allegedly, Khedira wants in excess of £150k-per-week to sign on the dotted line. Arsene is said to be a little reluctant to pay this amount, stalling that reportedly has Jose Mourinho wringing his grubby palms as he watches the situation develops.
Khedira is a formidable player, albeit a touch injury prone. Would he make an impact on our midfield? Most definitely, adding some of the bite we so often lack, not to mention physicality. Sadly, I feel this deal might be a little too far gone now. Hey – I don’t pretend to know the first thing about Arsenal’s dealings behind closed doors, but that odd sensation of prediction that twinkles in my loins tells me that the other options – Bender and Schneiderlin – are immeasurably more likely at this point.
Arsene could surprise us again – I certainly wouldn’t put it past him. As the stories keep coming we’ll know more (or less) within the next few weeks. Arsenal’s first pre-season friendly at Borehamwood kicks-off this Saturday, time before the new season is catching us up quickly. Between now and the start of the Premiership season I think there will be quite a bit of movement on the recruitment front. We’ve already bagged an extremely talented player, let’s hope there’s more joyous announcements along the way.
That’s all for today, folks.
Before heading towards the comments to agree unanimously about the horrors of Hamwiches, why not take a listen to the latest Goonersphere Podcast in which we all discuss the Sanchez signing after hearing the confirmation as it happened mid-recording.
Feel free to share some of your thoughts below. I’ll try to return with more as soon as possible. As always; thanks for reading (and listening), you beautiful bastards.