Gervinho’s off to Marseille, Angry Santos and who the hell is Sir Chips Keswick?

Sir Chips looked on in horror as the dangers of leaving curling tongs plugged in became all too apparent.

Morning folks.

First of all – apologies if you attempted to comment on/view the site yesterday. Recently, a pesky virus entered into a file (I think… I know so little about computers it borders on farcical) and I had to move to another server to prevent anything going awry in the future.

Well… I say “I had to move” but that’s not exactly true. The site had to move, and the work on the whole was done by Daniel Cowan. My contribution to the process was a series of rapid fire idiotic questions, and threats of brainless violence against my Mac for refusing to do what I asked of it.

Anyway… Arsenal news.

Gervinho’s time as an Arsenal player hasn’t exactly been triumphant. The Ivorian with the enormous forehead is thought of more for his bouts of jaw-dropping profligacy in front of goal than he is for doing anything noteworthy. When he first came to Arsenal, he arrived on the back of an excellent season in France. Eden Hazard once dubbed him the best player he’d taken to the field alongside. However, as a Gooner he’s certainly flattered to deceive.

I do kinda feel a bit sorry for him. Hidden beneath the astounding misses and the aimless running about the pitch lies a good player. Confidence is what enables him to perform, at it’s been at a premium during his time in Engalnd. A move back to France could be the best thing for everyone concerned, and it appears Marseille are keen to offer him that lifeline.

Their assistant boss Franck Passi told the LES:

“This is a profile that interests us, yes,”

“We want flank players, with dribbling, passing and scoring and Gervinho has this profile.”

Hardly definitive stuff, but something over which I doubt many Arsenal fans would shed a tear should it come to fruition. Things haven’t worked out, and sometimes that happens in Football. The Premiership is quick and tough, and some players just aren’t suited to it. Look at Diego Forlan.

Joining Nicklas Bendter in the realms of players no longer needed by Arsenal is Brazilian pie demolisher extraordinaire, Andre Santos. Sounding a little like a petulant school girl, he had this to say about his return from Greimo:

“My loan deal is over. It was six months long and now I am returning. Gremio had an agreement with Arsenal and I have to return.”

“I wanted to stay. Gremio were fair regarding everything. I felt well there and I wanted to win a title before leaving.

“Unfortunately there is no deal and I had to return to Arsenal.”

Boo hoo. Poor Andre. He has to return to his grossly-inflated contract and a life of hapless displays and speeding bans. My heart bleeds for him, it truly does. Like our Danish friend with the gargantuan ego, Santos is surplus to requirement, and the quicker he is allowed to return to Brazil, the better. He may have been a mildly amusing character, but he was, let’s face it; shit.

Lastly today, we have a new chairman. After Peter Hill-Wood stepped down due to health concerns, the hilariously named Sir Chips Keswick has been appointed into the hot seat.

I probably should know more about the man in control of my beloved club, but I do not. To me, he sounds like someone who’d arrange a football match behind enemy lines against the Nazi’s and score the winning goal in injury time. Others with greater knowledge and proximity concern themselves with the innermost runnings of Arsenal, whereas I tend to focus a great deal more on the team.

I do like that name though. Sir Chips Keswick. It makes me think of Spitfires and Stephen Fry’s character in Blackadder Goes Forth. I imagine he was raised on rations of Digestive biscuits and powered milk, and still posses an irrational hatred for the Germans.

Look at his face:

Sir Chips

Tell me you can’t imagine him rocking a Biggles scarf and using phrases like “Tally-ho” and “Good show, old boy”. I bet his closest friends have names like “Ginger” and “Bertie”. He loves a good old fashioned brew, does Sir Chips.

And on that note, I’ve noticed I’m meandering close to complete nonsense, and I feel now is the moment to stop. I could go very far afield. The comments section awaits below, and there are many things for you to share your thoughts on; Gervinho, Andre Santos, Sir Chips and his one-man war against Gerry…

As always, thanks for reading (and enduring), you beautiful bastards.

Even that now sounds like something Sir Chips would say….

10 Comments

  1. Tom

    Err, that pic is PHW, Glad to See him go, Sir Chips, m I don’t thinks so, would have preferred someone younger and a bit more dynamic, but we’ll see

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      At the time of google searching, that’s the picture that came up. i knew it wasn’t right!

      Thanks for pointing it out.

      Reply
  2. tivoli

    Apart from providing recycled transfer gossip, damning verdicts on players that are about to leave and some disturbed associatons when you get to the new chairman’s name is there anything remotely original for which people should read all this? Oh, and you managed to present a photo of Peter Hill-Wood. You seem to have very high standards.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      They could read your comment. It provides damning verdicts on blogs you’ve probably never read more than once.

      You’re right about the picture, though 🙂

      Thanks for the contribution. It really touched me…

      Reply
  3. James victor Monaghan

    will everybody get a free bag o’ chips at next seasons opening home game in his honour then????? hope the klingon and SANTOSSER aren’t there to witness it to be frank or bertie or ginger for that matter mate!!

    Reply
  4. Admir

    You know, it gets even funnier when you know that in my language – Bosnian – “Sir” means “cheese”.

    So, FAnchester United got Zaha, Chelski got Schuerrle, City signed Jesus and his less-known disciple Fernandinho while all we got so far is an old bag of Chips with cheese.

    Reply
    1. James victor Monaghan

      Too true mate.

      Reply
  5. Rob

    A whimsical post (as usual James)… I always enjoy reading your blog, even when it’s not that focused on football.. Makes a pleasant change from the usual diatribe of spurious transfer speculation spurted out by other bloggers in blog land… Like you, I have never heard of Sir “Chips” Keswick but just love the whole ‘eccentric’ sound of his name… “Tally ho chaps, bandits at 2 O’clock”…

    Reply
  6. WrongFootPele

    I suppose that, as an American, I’m obligated to make the Sir French Fries joke? I love a bad joke as much as the next guy but, yikes…

    Surely Santos isn’t really going to be allowed to touch ground for too long before he’s shipped off again. I would hope, anyway.

    Reply
  7. Gravey

    Entertaining as always! “Brazilian pie demolisher”? Good stuff.

    Reply

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