Giroud Stays, Alexis Missed Drug Test Down To Arsenal And More Bits And Bobs.

Afternoon, folks.

Today is the beginning of the FA Cup weekend day and we’re not involved. This sucks immeasurably. At first, when Forest unceremoniously dumped us from the competition, I wasn’t all that bothered. I figured it was just one of those things that happen inexplicably and I was happy to pay it no attention. That’s all changed now I see all the other teams gearing up to play their respective ties whilst we’re left with nothing to do this weekend but wonder whether or not we’re going to sign any players. Which, in turn, sucks immeasurably.

The news tickling my fancy today mainly centres around Arsene’s press conference and specifically the fortunes of Olivier Giroud and Alexis Sanchez’s cocaine and heroin binges that have seen him miss a scheduled drugs test whist securing his move to United. Okay – the part about cocaine and heroin isn’t true (that I know..). But he did miss a drugs test and Arsene has confessed it was a balls-up by the Club and we’ve nothing to hide.

“Honestly on the administration side certainly it would still be our responsibility because on the day he had not moved so maybe it will be down to us, to our responsibility.

It’s a special event for him to miss a drugs test because he will certainly be somewhere else with his agent. He has been tested so many times here it is no worry he has any doping problem, just a bad day for him to be tested.

The most important is that the intention is right. The intention of Alexis was not to hide, neither was ours. We have nothing to hide.”

Now, it would be pretty funny if Alexis got banned for 9 months for missing a drugs screening, but I don’t think that will happen. It appears a perfectly honest mistake was made and I’m sure the UKAD and the FA won’t be banging down our door for answers. Nor will an armed response unit mow down Atom and Humber as Alexis’ canine pals charge at the police to aid in the little f*cker’s escape by plane to a non-extradition country.

Elsewhere, most of the other news and tid-bits surrounds transfers. As you might expect, it was a whole host of nothing – nothing confirmed, nothing denied. Most of the odds seem stacked in our favour regarding acquiring the services of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and thanks to the wonders of modern technology you’re now able to make online bets with bitcoin as well as the more traditional methods. That’s what the various outlets and media agencies would have you believe, but the information coming out of Twitter (the great oracle of truth) is pretty much as contradictory as you can get.

Some will have you believe our parsimoniousness has rendered the officials of Borussia Dortmund at the point of drooling madness and they’re ready to walk away from the deal at a moments notice. Others will tell you that the meetings are amicable and a positive announcement is imminent. In the scramble for information, most of what you read nowadays is 99% horsesh*t (apart for this blog; I’m the 1% of absolute certainty…) and the truth doesn’t get in the way of a popular story these days. As much as I know all this, it’s still easy to become embroiled in it all. Occasionally I find myself wondering why we’re “dithering” so much. Then I come to my senses.

I hope we do make some positive moves in the window. If we don’t, if losing Walcott, Coquelin and Sanchez whilst gaining Mkhitaryan is our only business, then it’s a very poor window indeed. I would like to think the Club know that they have to replace what we have allowed to leave and, by the end of January 30th, they’ll have done exactly that.

One player he won’t be going is Giroud. It was rumoured he would be a makeweight in the Aubameyang negotiations, but Arsene has (kind of) dispelled that rumour:

“No. I want Olivier to stay, I just told you that if nobody goes in, nobody goes out”

To me that can be taken either way. It’s even being rumoured Chelsea want to sign Giroud… In a world where Conte has bid for Andy Carroll and Peter Crouch, that sorta makes sense, although it’s still f*cking strange that, even with Abramovich’s deep pockets they’re not making more high profile bids. I don’t think Olivier will leave. I do think we’ll sign someone. I have no idea whether that someone will be Aubameyang or a last-minute panic loan for someone a bit sh*t. I’m, alas, not an ITK.

That’s all for today, folks. I’ll be back with more tomorrow at some point.

Until that time, and as always: thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

Soundtrack to this post:

Compuphonic – ‘Sequoia’

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