Granit Xhaka On The Way For £25m. Or £47m? Or £35m?

Xhaka couldn’t conceal his delight upon discovering Adam Sandler has retired from the movie industry.

Morning, folks.

Amidst the cascading news feeds filled to capacity with spurious drivel, occasionally, a transfer rumour surfaces that actually appears to have some substance. It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what makes it stand out from all the others. Somehow, inexplicably, there appears a great deal of validity. Currently, the chitter-chatter across cyberspace focuses almost exclusively on Arsenal’s bidding for Borussia Monchengladbach’s Swiss international midfielder, Granit Xhaka.

Those of you unfamiliar with me will not know that my appearance has changed in recent months. Newly spectacle-clad and sporting a full beard, coupled with a penchant for tight jeans and lumberjack shirts, I could quite easily pass for one of those Football Hipsters. You know the type; the ones that have a “2nd team” in the 3rd tier of Portuguese football and insist upon pronouncing a player’s name as authentically as possible in whichever accent matches the country of origin. Truth is, I know absolutely f*ck all about European Football by comparison and, pertinently, a similar amount when it comes to our Swiss friend.

If Granit Xhaka burst through the front door of my home demanding a swift rendition of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” and threatened to defecate on my bedwear unless his request was met, I’d not know him from the postman. I’d quickly assume him to be another lunatic with a fondness for R&B and some colossal mental issues. For the record, I’d sing it, and do that wavy hand dance that implies and imaginary ring being “put on it” as I often like to adopt a sassy pose in my down time and do exactly that.

With my catastrophic lack of knowledge in mind, I had a browse around YouTube an other such oracles of information to see what wonders I could unearth. I liked what I saw – Xhaka looks the part; strong, good technique and good distribution. Those more knowledgeable than myself when it comes to the Bundesliga share those sentiments. Amongst our vast and diverse Twittersphere, the common opinion is that he’d make a blinding signing, and Arsene should stop all his bloody dithering and get that chequebook out, pronto.

And that part is where a lot of the confusion comes in. Firstly, Xhaka has a release clause of 30m Euros (I can’t find the key that enables me to use the sign for Euros, so I have to write it. Someone tell me where it is…) but that doesn’t come into play until 2017, so is kind of a f*cking useless point to make. Depending on what you read, we’ve either made one official bid, or several. These range from outrageously high to typically parsimonious with my inkling leaning toward the latter. Some suggest that a difference of £2m is the stumbling point between the two clubs at present because Arsene – wily, sly, stingy old Arsene – refuses to go a single penny higher that what he deems a player’s value.

Other reports suggest Xhaka is hot-footing it over to London to undergo a medical and thrash out the terms of his contract with all parties looking to resolve things swiftly with the European Championships fast approaching. The only thing that does appear to be true is that a bid of some description has been made as that news was leaked by Borussia Monchengladbach. Whether said bid has been accepted, rejected or dismissed with howls of displeasure remains to be seen, but it certainly does show intent on Arsenal’s part, and I think that’s a good thing.

My personal opinion is that this could very well happen. I’m basing that purely on wild assumption and instinct. I won’t pretend to be on near-speaking terms with the man responsible for tea time biscuit distribution at the Emirates as means of providing a “scoop” because that would be silly. I know nothing or no one. I’m just guessing, folks. Hopefully, I’m guessing correctly. If my Internet peers are to be believed then Xhaka could add that steal and strength in midfield we’ve lacked for sometime now. More importantly, it shows our desire to make things happen sooner rather than later. Let’s hope this is just the beginning.

That’s all for today, folks. I’m off early to work so I’ll leave you with a nod toward the comments where I hope to hear your thoughts on the transfer and promise to return tomorrow in all my resplendent glory. Until that time, and as always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

2 Comments

  1. Veer

    Just worried that with Xhaka undoubtedly gonna slot right into the first team (Wenger’s paying €25+ for God’s sake!), Coquilen isn’t going to get too much playing time, especially with Cazorla and Wilshere back now… Same goes for Elmeny.
    How do you think Xhaka would fit into the team James?

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      I think he’ll slot right in, exactly as you do. Someone will have to make may, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Ramsey.

      Reply

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