Huge, huge, huge, huge, mega, enormous transfers…

“That one. Buy that one!”

Morning, disgruntled masses.

I’ve not posted in a while due to my Mum’s funeral. Consider this my triumphant return. Since I’ve been away, Arsenal have defied the odds and splashed BIG on Mathieu Flamini. Okay – so that’s a silly way to look at it. He was a free transfer, and, as far as I’m concerned, a welcome addition. He brings experience, fight and he knows the Club.

Some folks are furious with his arrival. I don’t especially understand why. If it turns out that come September 2nd, Flamini and Sanogo are our only additions then, sure, be a little aggrieved. smash something up, urinate violently into your favourite Arsenal mug… I certainly will be should that situation occur, but I don’t think it will (crossed fingers…). Until it does, there’s hardly much point in getting rowdy and all bent out of shape.

There are mere days to go until the window closes. As you might expect, what was already a haze of bullsh*t and speculation is about to be turned all the way up to 11. There is a mad scramble on the horizon, and whilst others bask in the glory of having completed their business, Arsene and Dick Law are dashing about the isles hoping what they throw into the trolley turns out to be workable. At least that’s how it seems.

We all know it should never have come to this. There are no reasons my mind is capable of mustering for such a glaring blunder. Whatever you think of Arsene, wether your days are spent in perpetual rage, or if you consider him the apotheosis on modern football; he should have acted sooner. But he hasn’t, and that all remains in the past. Bleat about the previous few months all you like, the next two days are what matters.

There are many names being mentioned as potential ‘swoops’ or ‘raids’. Here’s a few:

  1. Kaka (bit too old)
  2. Salomon Kalou (please God no!)
  3. Mesut Ozil (I’d happily donate a kidney to secure this one)
  4. Karim Benzema (meh…)
  5. Julian Draxler (limited knowledge, but sounds good)
  6. Julio Cesar (no thanks)
  7. Angel di Maria (Good player, yes please)
  8. Yohan Cabaye (Good, but not the answer)
  9. Wayne Rooney (too many prostitutes in London)
  10. Ajax defender whose name I’ve forgot (assume is good)

That’s quite the list, isn’t it. Those are just the names I’ve heard linked to Arsenal today. Imagine what’s going to happen in the final 12 hours of the window if Dick and Arsene are still dithering about like a couple of infirm octogenarians in the biscuit section of ASDA.

In truth; I shall be delighted when it’s all over. Transfers, rumours, hope, expectation; it has all become thoroughly tedious, almost to the point of maddening. Believing in Arsenal pulling something out of the bag is a faith I still cling to, but it’s becoming alarmingly more like a deluded faith as each hour passes. I have to believe we will invest, because not doing exactly that is so utterly moronic it doesn’t bare thinking about.

If we don’t, then I fear Mr Wenger may have burnt the last of his bridges, and I see no way back for him. Even his most ardent of supporter couldn’t possibly defend him.

So, what do you think will happen? Let me know in the comments. Do you think we’ll pull something magical out of nowhere, or are you waiting for Kalou to be announced, and all Hell to break loose?

Tomorrow, it’s the NLD. I shall be back with a full preview of that. Big, big game. I can’t wait for this one.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

46 Comments

  1. reallycrossross

    Anything is defendable. Well apart from maybe, I don’t know, HMGov changing it’s position and dropping depleated uranium bombs on innocent Syrian children, Yes!

    Why buy when you can build your own! Middlesex have just spent £110m that they don’t have in the bank yet, just to get 1 more point than us. When we achieve a top four position at their expense it truely will be … Priceless!

    Reply
  2. Had

    Haha “I would donate a kidney for Ozil” exectly the way I feel for this guy !!! Would be a dream, though I believe Di Maria would be more apropriate to play on the wings

    Reply
  3. Nathan

    (i believe)is the most irritating start to arsene the dillusional wengers sentences because you know straight away he has no idea of what to do next when it comes to signing players instead of getting wenger out how about getting someone like David dein back to help with transfers it certainly not wengers strong point is it could be arsenals best signing of 2013

    Reply
    1. Mohamed Taj

      Yes get dean in and out gazidis he is a man u fan like all dstv workers and most south africans

      Reply
  4. jim

    I hope people come in. Only two or three, but if not arsene can go come tuesday

    Reply
  5. Epicurean

    I don’t worry about leaving it late, we aren’t Real or Bayern so we won’t attract the world class players outright and early on. Everyone is making a big deal about the Tots, but I don’t think their signings are guaranteed Prem successes. There are very few I rate above our first eleven, perhaps Paulinho. Lame-la had a big price tag so you assume he will be good. There are still question marks over the Madrid 4 (inc Casillas), Rooney, Mata, Costa, Martinez (Porto), Draxler. Proper quality is still out there and looking for game time. Plenty of time 🙂

    Reply
    1. Mohamed Taj

      If you read wenger biding more than 40ml. Its a delaying tacktic he knows he wont get the player just fooling the fans to looklike he is busy with it what conman he is and his ceo

      Reply
  6. jd

    a manager and a board that are happy to achieve top 4 finish eh? jokers! arsenal have become a business and not a football team targeted at making fans happy anymore, personally the earlier the fan start staying away the quicker things will change. i can’t understand how a supposedly big team like arsenal carry on like a tiny whinny side when negotiating transfer.how have the tots without no champion league football attracted all this player and wenger can’t? maybe this player see the tots as a better opportunity to win something.wenger has past it!!

    Reply
  7. kollyzo

    Thanks to the bastard writter,you did well,I think arsenal fc don’t have what it takes to be what it was in the past(invincible 93/94),and wenger don’t even understand what he has done to his own CV,why can’t him move for the likes of muchu,williams,luis gostavo etc,if he really knows what his doing,the fact is,he is not buying any player,take it….he is a fucking bastard as well

    Reply
  8. Deb

    Hope to Arsene leaves after this season… He is actually destroying academy players by not supporting them with experienced players…

    Reply
  9. Tony

    i do not reilly care about the transfers anymore, we are better then the tiny tots. the problem is there is too many promises at first and now it is very hard to keep them. wenger and hes old tricks again.
    Anyway tomorrow we all be happy when we beat 5 1 soldado penalti

    Reply
  10. LeBigMac

    I had tea come out of my nose when I read the reason for not buying Rooney!
    Thank you James!!

    Reply
  11. kamon310

    it think the next player we are signing is that 8.5mn st.-etienne defender…guiva…..something.

    apparently the next vieira….sounds like a typical arsene wenger signing!!

    Reply
  12. Galteegunner (@galteegunner)

    I have felt for a while that this was Arsene’s last season as mgr but that he would use the funds at his disposal to take a real tilt at the title. Gazidis statements added to this belief, for most gunners I think. By appearing so indecisive and missing out on targets so publicly, I believe that even if he land a big signing or two now, that he will not recover the faith of a lot of fans. The discontent will not go away and like the Villa game, will be simmering below the surface, ready to boil up when games turn against us. This season could have been our best in years, maybe it still can. But its difficult to believe that it will.
    Spurs activity has really put our own inactivity in a harsh light. The North London Derby has taken on a massive significance on which way our season will go. A win would be a massive slap down to a team who just spent £100m. A loss doesn’t bear thinking about. It could prove to be the tipping point for many gooners. At such an early stage in the season, where would that leave us?

    Reply
  13. SOUTH AFRICAN GOONER

    I’m 26, been an arsenal fan since i was 9 yrs old. So basically from 1996 i’ve been a gooner. Its a coincidence of history that i’ve only known an Arsenal under a Wenger leadership. I still believe he is the man 4 the job, but GEEZ!!! He really is making it hard 4 me 2 keep supporting him against all this criticism from fans of arsenal & other teams. I seriously can’t even imagine how i’d feel if i wake up on tuesday morning to the news that Arsenal spent not a cent on new players. The thought alone makes me cold with fear

    Reply
    1. Paddywhack

      Been a Gunner since 1966 when I was 16 years old. I’ve seen the good and the bad, stood on the terraces on a bleak January day in the early seventies watching us lose 1-0 to Sheffield Utd, I think there were 11,000 in the crowd. Wenger has done well but in the last few years he has destroyed his legacy. It’s time for him to move on, he’s finished. A defeat tomorrow and he is definitely finished. However, not only Wenger needs to go, IG and BoD should follow.

      Keep the faith, Gooner forever

      Reply
  14. Damilarey

    I still can’t believe the french cunt will sign any player apart from the freebies. Let’s just pray that the toothless board come to the rescue of we fans & make this his (AW) last season. “Enough is Enough”

    Reply
  15. Lame_name_game

    Can’t wait for this excruciating transfer business to get done and dusted ..so we can actually start whining about stuff that happens on the pitch. Time for Wenger to put his money where his mouth is and start winning us some damn silverware..

    Reply
    1. Chigooner

      That time has been many years ago and Wenger has demonstrated the only place he likes to put his money is in the bank.

      Reply
  16. ارسنال

    We geting the left over as usual !!

    Reply
  17. Danish Gooner

    Hahahahaha if Dick and Arsene are still dithering about like a couple of infirm octogenarians in the biscuit section of ASDA,you slay me.

    Reply
  18. Ross Thomas

    Spot on, highly amusing article. Welcome back!

    Reply
  19. Bassey o bassey

    I would donate my balls to aid ozils presence at arsenal but as soon as his contract expires and he has to go, I’d love to have it back with trophies so I can feel big and feed my wife again… Ozil all the way wenger!!!

    Reply
  20. Tony

    Great article, spot on in every way. Wenger is a disaster in terms of squad strengthening. The Spuds, playing in the crappy Europa league, bring in half a dozen quality signings (because they had the sense to appoint someone like Baldini to take care of business) while we, a CL side, are scrabbling around at the last minute trying to augment the bare bones of a squad.Unforgivable!
    You can see the club are desperate by the bullshit they are feeding the fans regarding injuries. They announced the Ox was out for six weeks until he tweeted that he wouldn’t be back for three months. And anyone who saw Podolski go down like he’d been shot in the back of the thigh knew this wasn’t a three week lay-off.

    Reply
  21. Goober allen

    Welcome back dude sorry to here about your mum!! Quality peice though my thoughts exactly written in a way I could only dream of!! Particularly the give a kidney for ozil!! I’m sure every sane arsenal fan would do that!! That’s a lot of kidneys on the black market could possibly even pay for ozil with the funds raised from kidney sales!! Anyway!! Ozil Maria draxler and beogic would be ideal but 2 out of 4 would suffice!!

    Reply
  22. Mikeee

    Arsene is the coach we need. the system at Arsenal is its own concept.
    What we lack is a proper vision for success. We already have a proper vision for financial stability.
    But, when you have loads of money affordable for 1 star player at least, the coach must identify who he wants and th club must work his whol strengths in securing the coach 1st player he’d like to get.
    Arsenal is sadly not well prepared to offer Wenger the players HE wants.
    And the mismanagement on the tranfers is inexcusable for a club who celebrate proudly beeing in CL.
    I am fed up with the transfer sagas, the promises Arsenal and Wenger can’t hold!
    They’d better get victory tomorrow or I’ll leave watching football for a couple of years. I mean since the season after Henry left, The Arsenal became a frustrating team in front of the goal. A more frustrating team on the transfer markets. And an even more frustrating team in terms of ambition.
    When you think how much bullshit Arsene told the fans for so many years, and how many times he should have shut his mouths and act in a strong manner instea d of promising that his current team is able to succeed and bring glory with a trophy to the club every year ???!!!???
    Enough playing with your own fans Arsenal!!!
    You have since the 2006 CL final that I saw from the stadium, the thinnest team in terms of experienced players, star players and which is worst in terms of numbers of players.
    No one is a fool enough to not know that! Except the club, I really think I’m eing played around now and w’re what we call a Mercedes for the poor.
    Yes. We can’t affordthe biggest and most expensive Mercedes, so we get the smallest model with a couple of options only.
    We don’t have a luxury model but hey’ we have a mercedes

    Reply
    1. Chigooner

      Pal, you lost me at “Arsene is the coach we need.” You wrote “What we lack is a proper vision for success.” The vision we have is Wenger’s vision and you can see how successful that has been in the last few years. What we need is someone with a better vision and a system that is not beholden to one individual.

      The UN should convey a group of the best psychiatrist minds to study the mind of Wenger as he defies any known conventions. For a start you can throw logic out the window. What he has done is a criminal act and what we need to find out is his motive for the act.

      Reply
  23. Ashley

    Does anyone else gag when they read the term ‘game time’ …. What happened to people referring to it as first team football ? ‘Game time’ sounds so American , why would an American term irk me so ? Would an actual American irk me as badly ? Why am I so bothered by Americans when talking about Arsenal ? Is it because my club is being fucked over by 2 of them ? Have Americans ever taken football seriously , unless the players are wearing helmets and carrying the ‘football’ ? Was it them that gave it the name soccer , when clearly football is a name that fits sufficiently well ? Can anyone else see where I’m coming from and going with this ? ….

    Reply
    1. Seaver

      Amuricans can care about arsenal just as much as you do. Don’t hate on us being the resilient tax dodgers we are. I can guarantee we all hate the sp*rs equally.

      Reply
    2. American gunner

      Sure, calling it soccer is pretty stupid. As an American, however, I can assure you that I follow the gunners as passionately as you do and that I’m as much of a gunner as you are.

      Reply
    3. Chigooner

      Actually, the biggest person fucking Arsenal over is French. Would be interesting to know how you feel about the French.

      Reply
    4. Mohamed Taj

      We fans are hurt deeply when others( you know who) strengthens while wenger is idling his ass.somebody should hit arsene where it hurts,kick his balls and let him go on his knees with pain, only then he will realise how murch we are hurting

      Reply
  24. DIno

    Morning! I love reading your posts and agree with most of your views but not this one, Julio Cesar was and still is a great goalkeeper!

    Reply
  25. nick

    Karim benzema is the best of the lot what a finisher he is

    Reply
  26. sada fdsf

    you are on dope!

    Reply
  27. Paulwells63@btinternet.com

    Armchair goober…if Arsenal were to buy as much quality as your brilliant write up above, all Gooners will be very happy come Monday. But like you, I don,t believe this will happen and look forward to another fruitless season.

    Reply
  28. mav361

    Great post James

    I will donate the other kidney if it meant getting Ozil ……………………………. the guy is absolute class
    Can’t see it happening tho I got a really bad feeling we are gunna see Bentdner swanning around in red & white again and the thought of that makes me wanna set fire to my testicles …..

    I really do think that AW IS IN LAST CHANCE SALOON if he doesn’t pull something out of the hat by 11pm Monday there really is no defending him and that will be a shame as he has transformed the club in to what it is today but unfortunately the world we live in today is all about NOW and I don’t think he will be able to worm his way out of this one

    There is no doubt our starting 11 is good enough to win something but not the Premier League or the Champions League we just don’t have enough depth but with 3 or 4 quality signings we could do something and AW failure to see this could be his downfall

    Reply
    1. The Mighty Karim

      Very good post with the necessary distance and humour

      +

      Toutes mes condoléances, mon ami…

      Reply
  29. Bloomfeild New Jersey Gooner

    Arsenal Wenger is a sadist and he really doesn’t care what fans think because they are not involved in day to day happenings at Arsenal. He loves to see the fans squirm that’s why he gives out little information as possible on anything. He made Arsenal what it is today and he should realise that his Arsenal most first class players don’t want to be part of. State of declining fortunes with no end in sight. But you can’t blame him alone . The back office that is supposed to have done the scouting and identify talents has failed the fans as well. It seems they cant find a talent if it is not in France ?

    Reply
  30. keagin

    Brilliant post made me laugh keep them comming

    Ozil to arsenal would be amazing but some how with all the Madrid players linked to arsenal I just don’t see it happening but fingers crossed

    As for blanking Wenger for no signings… I think we should be blanking somebody but I feel when we had Dean in charge we signed real talent I can’t help but feel it must be the board not that I’m defending Wenger also the comment from Jack Wilshire about if Wenger leaves he would consider his future was a sign he must know it’s not Wenger to blame

    Lets just prey for a win tomorrow

    Reply
  31. Tired of Arsene

    My prediction for the table at the end of the season if we sign no one else…

    1 – Chelsea
    2 – Man U
    3 – Man City
    4 – Spurs
    5 – Arsenal

    It sucks. We have become a lucky, slightly better than average squad. Thanks for the memories…

    Reply
  32. Rob

    Great to see you back to your best James.. Very whimsical post had me laughing out loud as usual.. Loved the too many prostitutes in London jibe regarding Rooney.. I will be glad when the transfer window closes and we can then get down to actually supporting the team again (regardless of who we sign or who we don’t sign) I’ve had enough of all the transfer speculation now.

    Reply
  33. Khalil

    Very sorry to hear about ur mum man 🙁 but I really liked the post keep writing

    Reply
  34. Andy

    I play for Kelvedon FC Sunday side (boozed up fag chiggers at half time) and there is hope for me and the rest of the lads that the phone is going to go tomorrow and it will be Asene.

    At this rate it could be a reality 🙁

    Reply
  35. optimist habila

    Be ready to well come Kaka and perhaps Kalloun to the Emirates. Those are the kind of goods Wenger and Law seem to cherish these days. Cheap, old or immature…

    Reply
    1. Mohamed Taj

      Not only huge but massive rejects for us to see what pinch

      Reply

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