Huge transfer news in tha hiz-ouse. Word up, you mothers…

“Yo, you’d betta be tellin’ me dat Higuain is having his motherf**kin’ medical up in this b*tch…”

Morning, y’all.

Those of you that know me personally would testify to the fact I’m incredibly childish and immature. At 34-years-old I perhaps ought to occupy my mind with adult thoughts and sensible past times, but I don’t especially like grown ups, so why bother?

When reporting the days Arsenal news to you, the delicious reader, I try to be concise and thorough, leaving no stone unturned. Today, as I’m feeling particularly silly and juvenile,  I thought I’d take a break from all that and rap it to you instead. I do love Hip-Hop music.

Yo, DJ, drop an Old School beat

Yo – I bet my shorts Sky Sports reports a whole lot of all sorts. 

My mind contorts, is it Higuain Dick Law courts? Or should I take heed to these thoughts?

I’d be distraught, if that deal didn’t occur, it’s all a blur – do I listen to him or pay attention to her? Can I confer? I think I’d better pause, if I get excited, I might be overwhelmed and delighted and produce a set of wetter draws.

But don’t fret of course, in no circumstance am I pissing my pants – they’re certainly not messed. 

I merely jest, so it’s best to attest, as I’ve often stressed; you should be impressed if you hold my blathering up to a test compared to the rest. No contest.

I’m not a quitter. Or a bitter bull-shitter transmitter on Twitter. When It comes to them, I’m gonna hit a few, sit a critter down, and insist flagrant agent accounts are wiped out for you.

What else is new? Stories, there’s quite a few. Me might drop actual millions on Swansea’s Ashley Williams, or at least that’s what they say we’ll do.

But James, we thought you knew? Can’t you provide a source or insider? Do Bristolian’s just drink cider? Have you lied a time or two? Not you? You’re the side we relied on and chose to be allied to.

Calm down, folks. sit back, relax and take a few. We’ll get there in the end, we’ll battle through. Tony Adams for Chairman? That’ll do.

He wants the top job, the press says it, TA instead of Chips Keswick? He sees himself surpassin’ Arsene, although I wouldn’t stress it.

Yesterday he appeared in a legends game, we cheered and said his name. On reflection, perhaps a youthful injection into our board – the ones we’ve deplored – shouldn’t be ignored, and would win our affection. 

And for today, that’s all I have got to say. Yo – I’m at the end of my flow, comments are below, so huff, puff and bellow, you fine girls and fellows. 

If you have got this far, I’m glad that you lasted. This rap shit, I’ve mastered. Arseblog says “Boilk” whenever he’s plastered, I say; “thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards”

23 Comments

  1. Andy cotton

    Love it 🙂

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Thanks!

      Reply
  2. Khalifha

    Nice one, you won’t be winning any grammy’s or going platinum but from a fellow rap fan this is ‘dope’, word.

    As for the higuain transfer, if God forbid it falls through i might just cry myself to sleep while listening to celine dion and stuffing my face with a bucket of ice cream (i joke, i joke)

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      I’m pretty certain I’d go platinum with the right producer…

      Reply
      1. Khalifha

        Ha! The only way you could ever go platinum is getting a sugar daddy to buy a million copies of your ‘album’* ba boom …. you just got served, on your blog, by me, twice! 🙂
        Joke apart, you’re probably right, with the right producer(dr dre) you’ll go platinum in a month, people listen to any ‘music’ these days.

        Reply
  3. RobboGoon

    LOL. It was great until the rap started 😛 great bit of fun especially the part about haing Tony Adams as chairman, now that is laughable. Chips may be 73 but he exudes more glamour and “class” than our Donkey will or ever had.

    Reply
  4. Khalifha

    Btw, do we even need ashley williams, what will he be able to offer the team that we don’t already have, is he better than any of our defenders? Cause I don’t see AW spending £10M on a player that will end up as 4th choice center back. If we were to spend that type of money on a defender I would prefer a player that would come in and stand a chance of replacing either The boss or the BFG from the starting eleven, is ashley williams that good a defender? Has higuain signed yet? When will we splash the cash? Is there really a war chest of money? What does it even mean? … I’ll get my coat

    Reply
    1. Nick_Palmer1988

      He spent almost £15million on Ox who is on the bench most of the time. 8m on Monreal who alternates with Gibbs. Williams is a better solution than Miguel and Djourou. I say sign him. £10m is not bad of a price for a player who will strengthen the depth of the squad.

      Reply
    2. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Squillaci and Djourou will leave and it’s debatable wether Miquel is good enough to step up to first team action. I’d say Williams is a good buy.

      Reply
  5. Spec

    Play that old S̤̥̈̊cн̲̣̣̣̥ọ̥ọ̥l beat ‎​I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ your head and then you get to enjoy it… Nice man. Ashley Williams ad fourth choice aint bad but is Wenger even interested, with him you never know.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Arsene is a wily old fox, he does like to conduct his business under the radar. I actually think there is something to the Williams rumours.

      Reply
  6. KgREGS

    Ughhh. Hate rap.

    Think Adams has lost the plot. chairman of Arsenal? He has no experience at all.

    Reply
  7. Anne H

    Ha ha! You don’t expect to see a rap on a football site! Made me smile!

    Reply
  8. Anne H

    Also, i think AshleyWilliams is good, but that Greek guy from Schalke is better.

    Reply
  9. Daniel Cowan

    Word to your mother!

    Reply
  10. boz

    Nice!

    Reply
  11. Veer

    Who’s your favorite rapper?

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Way, way too many to mention.

      Reply
  12. Omar

    NOOOO!! This is SICK! The last couple bars got me screaming, most original thing I’ve seen since the end of the season, brilliant!

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Thanks!

      Reply
  13. Khalifha

    @Nick powell, Two completely different cases in my opinion, the Ox was/is among the best young English players available, he was also 17 when AW bought him, so there is also resale value if we ever decide to *gulp* sell him. Ashley williams is Ashley williams, i won’t complain if we succeeded in buying him, but for £10M? Can’t see it happening. Would also prefer that greek defender, Papadoupoulos.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Agreed. The fee for both Papadoupoulus (spelling?) and Williams is alleged to be the same, in which case I’d say the Greek fella is a better bet. Both good players, and I’d be happy with either, to be honest.

      Reply
  14. Khalifha

    Let me just stress my initial point, if we’re going to invest big money on a defender why not go all out and buy one that stands a chance of displacing BFG or the boss instead of a £10M backup.
    I have seen ashley williams play and he aint got shit on our current first choice defenders.

    Besides, the Greek guy looks like someone that was fed bricks, nails and zinc coated metal all his life, me likey.

    Reply

Leave a comment. Go on, you know you wanna...