The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

“I’m Going To Try And Put A Positive Spin On That Result”

Kieran Oxlade-Chamberlain gets his marching orders….

Morning, folks….

Comfortably the worst part about typing today’s entry is the sense of deja vu I have. When freakish results occur, banishing them as quickly as possible from memory is simple. After all, they’re just one of those things that happens. When an eye-gaugingly bloody awful performance away from home occurs 3 times within the same season, you have to start to ask questions.

Where did it all go wrong?

When you write an Arsenal blog you’re expected to have answers, or to “put a positive spin on what’s occurred”. In other instances, your followership gleefully click on the latest entry to read a lambasting of everything from the team to the manner in which biscuits were distributed as tea is served. I intend to do neither, mainly because gleaning any positives from that result is an impossibility and I’m far too tired of all the hatred and anger to contribute to any of it. All I can offer with any certainty is my feeling of dejection having watched what is unquestionably the worst Arsenal performance of my supporting life. 

Each player on that field needs to examine himself mentally and ask why they were unable to raise their game on such a monumental occasion for a man the majority claim is like a father figure. To be that bad, that abject, on a day of rejoice, during a vitally important fixture is bad enough. To have done it 3 times now ranks somewhere entirely beyond my comprehension.

Questions will be asked and rightfully so. The impact that defeat could have in the long term doesn’t bare thinking about at this point. My emotions are in such a state of bewilderment that as I’m writing this I realise it probably doesn’t make a great deal of sense and is all over the place. 

It’s hard to pick out any players for fault as all were woeful, but I have to mention Olivier Giroud. I’ve made no secret of my reason for defending him in the past when under fire, but today I would have to agree with the vast majority of assessments. He was sh*t. In fact, he was that sh*t that I think the sh*t he has been on occasions in the past was eaten by some sh*t and then that sh*t had a movement, creating more sh*t made from sh*t and that sh*t was the sh*t Olivier was on the day. He was sh*t’s sh*t.

Meh…

This post may now just descend into me swearing.

F**k. C**k. P**s. F**k and f**kity c**t.

Truth is folks; I’m absolutely at a loss today for words. What do you say after that? Once again Arsenal have been found wanting when it mattered most. At this stage, it’s fair to say the league title is way beyond our grasp and we’re in for another season of nervously hoping we can secure 4th. Mercifully we do have the FA Cup semi-final to look forward to, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if we found ourselves 5-0 down to Wigan after 3 minutes with Arteta being sent off for a tackle Vieira made 10 years ago.

I was going to try a extract some positives but quickly realised that was an astonishingly stupid idea. It would be like running around Hollywood trying to convince studio executives making an upbeat musical interpretation of Hitler’s life entitled “It’s Poland Or Bust!” would be a huge box-office draw.

Instead, I think I’ll just bash my head against a wall until I’m unconscious and hope that the entirety of the game doesn’t play in my nightmares. It probably will. All that is left for me to do now is to offer an apology for the absurd and rambling nature of this post and point you toward the comments section; an area in which I’m sure there will be colourful language and all kinds of fury.

Tomorrow I’ll take some medication and return with something a little more informative. Consider what you have just read as an insight to the mood I’m in. Until then, and as always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

As I’m in such a sh*t mood and would like a little cheering up, here are some kittens. I like kittens, they make me smile.

Look at them. They’re adorable. They look so innocent and bereft of bitterness. I bet that one on the far left with the focused, coiled-spring look about him would do a job up front. I reckon he’d be excellent chasing balls of string passed over the defender’s shoulder. The one centrally looks hard as f**king nails. Perhaps a DM for next season?

Oh just f**k off…

Category: Match reviews
  • Veer says:

    All of you can say what you want, but in Arsene we trust. He’s going to guide us to the FA cup and a top three finish. If you look at the last 8 seasons that would be a very successful season.

    March 23, 2014 at 9:08 am
    • Jonny arsenal says:

      No forward is ever going to shine away from home against chelsea with 10 men. Giroud not to blame. I don’t care whyatanyone says, koscielny is a top top defender, but in the big games, or when it’s ‘squeeky bum time’ his bottle goes. He sh1ts himself and goes to Pieces everytime. Vermaellen isn’t as good a defender but he CAN hold his nerve. Arsene ffs don’t play koscielny against wigan

      March 23, 2014 at 11:04 am
    • Olatunji says:

      My younger brother(8 yrs old) is a better striker than Giroud..He runs as if he’s riding a bicycle..same as Arteta Chambo who was farther to Eto’o than Arteta got to Eto’o before Arteta remembered it was not a 10,000m race…Just sooo bad..
      Its quite simple though,we qualify for champions league(3rd ofcourse),We win the FA cup,City wins the league,Mourinho and his Chelshit go trophyless like he prayed for(we are not title favourites)..James,you got a lot of fans here in Nigeria..Do you guys agree ?

      March 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm
  • ekstien says:

    Lmao! Thanks James, this post makes me feel a whole lot better about yesterday. God knows I’ve never liked Giroud. No matter Hw good our midfield is, when we have a pregnant-woman figure as a strike we are never gonna do well. My eyes are firmly fixed on April 12 though, cos that’s our only road to success this season

    March 23, 2014 at 9:12 am
  • Harry Barracuda says:

    Can I just add B*ll*cky p*ssflaps kn*bend stinkybottom.

    March 23, 2014 at 9:13 am
  • Patricia Kelly says:

    You are so right. Fans today are still stunned with what happened yesterday. I cannot believe just how awful the team were. The humiliation is breathtakingly heartbreaking. There are no positives and that is sad. I feel all the team should have their wages docked. If you don’t work you don’t get paid. Why the hell is our team so bad at the times we need them to be good. Giroud is not a striker. He trots around the pitch like a horse with no real purpose. I saw a picture of Ozil looking tanned happy and relaxed sunbathing somewhere nice and hot without a care in the world. Where the hell is his so called injury. Go out and get us the players we deserve not second team players. No wonder we are a laughing stock. What is wrong with the team?

    March 23, 2014 at 9:15 am
  • Mocino says:

    I think aw will walk away now…
    Sad for him and club. The 1000th game was a pr disaster.
    Losing this game is bad enuf but 6-0? I feel for this man but the pressure will be too big to handle now.

    I jus hope the team buck up and finish the next few games in style..

    March 23, 2014 at 9:17 am
  • Victor says:

    At Least i smiled and laughed when reading your post. Cheers Jamsey

    March 23, 2014 at 9:19 am
  • mohamed aziz says:

    He arsene considers him self as god dictator if you like when he said I will go to the market to cover for the Injured and decide others wise is sabotaging the efforts of the players who openly requested addition to the thin squad.since rambo was injured you could see there was a big hole in attacking final part ozil found himself wondering who he should put his assists.we have ourself a whoring center foward calling him self a striker hehehe a holding the ball for the others????? never heard that system.wenger has tired mind and needs a rest as well and he should take with him his whooring striker with him we need a young new manager who can give us new vision no wonder morinyo says all shit about him it’s the truth WATCH OUT FOR WIGAN THEY ARE JIHADIST PLAYERS ask mancty

    March 23, 2014 at 9:26 am
  • jeffrey says:

    I woke up this morning hoping to find out that all of yesterday’s moment(catastrophe or wateva u feel like to call it) was a dream. But fuck it wasnt.

    March 23, 2014 at 9:26 am
  • Bergs says:

    we had nothing going forward becoz we don’t terrify any1 there, so the defense was always under pressure. Arteta is a sh*t DM, n w/out Flamini we’ve no1 2 grab the guys n lead them. Nuff said. Arteta out, 14 strikers in!

    March 23, 2014 at 9:28 am
  • jeffrey says:

    Come to think of it we havnt played city yet. If we lose by 4-0 i’ll sense improvements…LMAO.

    March 23, 2014 at 9:32 am
  • Oldchap says:

    It’s alright for you lot me and the wife are off to Sunday dinner with a house full of Chelsea supporters, I’m trying to pull a sickey but wifey is having none of it! To be thrashed and humiliated by the three above us this season is just not acceptable for our club. We have been making no progress under Wenger now for quite a long time, he needs to look at himself and do the decent thing, for Christ sake he is the highest paid manager in the world. As for the team if they can’t get motivated for your manager on a special day like that then there is a serious problem.. We need to face up to the fact that our team is just not good enough to go any further, unfortunately we have a stubborn tight manager that for seasons has just wanted to prove that he is right and everyone else is wrong. He is also tactically inept and it has become embarrassing!

    March 23, 2014 at 9:42 am
  • Pitch says:

    I woke up from a nightmare Saturday morning where we had lost 6 – 2. I laughed it off as absurdly pessimistic. Fuck I hate reality!

    March 23, 2014 at 9:50 am
  • Joy says:

    I just feel plain sad 

    March 23, 2014 at 9:50 am
    • Joy says:

      So heartbroken, I wonder if I can ever heal again, James.

      March 23, 2014 at 9:54 am
      • James 'Raul' Stokes says:

        @Joy: You will, Joy. The beauty of football is there’s always the next game.

        March 23, 2014 at 4:20 pm
  • Kbkoh says:

    It’s another international disgrace. Good show for AW 1000th game and he brought this upon himself. When will arsenal fan get a chance to see such demolition display against our top 4 rivals? We will never as long as AW is in charge. This is not a champion team for years to come. We need real characters in there. Listen still hasn’t been learned.

    March 23, 2014 at 9:54 am
  • LeBigMac says:

    As ever James, you help to spin a poor result and make me smile, even if only momentarily!
    I too am bewildered by the continual capitulation of our team away to the top three.
    I’m not sure if this stat is correct but we have conceded 34 goals this season. 17 have been from the three games we got drubbed.
    Ridiculous.
    I have for years thought why not Wenger. I am beginning to think Why?
    I honestly don’t know if he can cut it with the more dynamic managers or the ones who spend money.
    Our club has some decisions to make. We either spend big or change the top to a younger dynamic manager. Its the only way I can see change coming, otherwise we continue to be marginalised by the thinness of our squad.
    We will finish strong, no doubt. With Ramsey due back and the OX never playing as poorly again, we may yet win the FA Cup, but I am sorry to say, nothing will ever get rid of the taste of those three (so far) defeats.
    I recall it took me about a month to get over the 8-2 M.U handed to us all those years ago and when you consider the squad that day, it could almost be forgiven for happening……

    March 23, 2014 at 10:00 am
  • Ken says:

    Hahaha.. Veer, i dont know if you are being ironic or you are trully Wenger’s limp d*ck sucker, how about Wenger can say what he want, but the last 8 seasons obviously he just kept telling us lies and playing with our mind, and he is professionaly so succesful with it that some of the fans believe that he is still the best man to bring Arsenal’s bright future. He said he took the blame, but what is the punishment he would take? Would he give his sallary to replace humilliated away fan tickets? I dont think so.. Because he is so ignorant and what he care is only about his egocentrical trip that fully supported by AKB boys.. It seems this kind of hummilliating stories will keep repeating as long as he is in control. 8 f*ckin seasons and still counting, the glory years were simply because we had great players and Wenger can not find replacements with the same quality, if he the best man to get the best out of a talents, then what happened to the wasted young talents all these 8 seasons? Does he care about them? Cesc was maybe the only exceptions, what about the rest? None of them are good enough to win the league, Wenger is no different than Mouronho, the difference was the club willing to pay for what mouronho wants, they are good at combining good talents but not to make them and to turn them to a winning team.

    March 23, 2014 at 10:11 am
  • Mick says:

    Could be worse at least you are not a Spurs fan.

    March 23, 2014 at 10:23 am
  • MrMarv says:

    Screw the result… We’ve seen worse, 8-2 at United anyone. Three words, Life Goes On, let’s get back stronger against Swansea, finish the season on a high, win the FA Cup and we will all forget about this loss. GUNNER for Life!!!!!!!

    March 23, 2014 at 10:33 am
  • sans says:

    im a bit less bitter than u guys.cos i expected us to loss after seeing our team sheet,y on earth are two defensive midfielders sitting on the bench and the Mikel and Ox starting?i believe this is where Arsene lost the game for us,when Mourinho came to emirates he played 3 DM.one of my problems with Wenger is that he doesnt pick his team based on who the opposition is and thats y we are being ‘killed’ by big teams.i do sincerely hope he learns

    March 23, 2014 at 10:33 am
  • andrew says:

    One, i don’t know if managers are fans of teams, but am sure wenger is a fan but certainly of no specific team but is an ant arsenal fan. You cant teat a team that you work for like this, leave alone support.

    or

    The board and the owner are so indifferent that wenger has a licence of this degree of complacency. In the near future, good players like ramsey, ox, walcot will surely demand to leave to win silverware. so players treat arsenal as a stepping stone; a place they get a chance to grow their talent, be seen and tapped elsewhere. I cant imagine what team we would be like if we retained RVP, Nassir, Fab, song.

    Now help me; Ruleswise, what will become of the red card?
    i. retained by gibs
    ii. withdrawn frm gibs and slapped to ox
    iii. withdrawn completely

    March 23, 2014 at 10:40 am
  • IAmAGooner says:

    Im going to put a positive spin on this, or fail miserably. The one glimmer of light out of all this is that we won’t win the league. Now, you may think what is this guy on……or that this isn’t really news, but let me explain, if by some miracle we were to win the league AW would have said, “see, I told you so, I was right, we don’t need any more players”. So, now that this isnt going to happen, what we should see is AW buy some reinforcements in the summer, happy days. However, what will most likely happen is that the “War Chest” will be dangled, like it is every transfer window, there will be hype over potential signings, only for AW to either sign (insert, anyone under 18, ex player not good enough to get into their own first team, cheap, unheard of) or do sweet FA! I’m going for the later but I could be wrong, or rather, I hope I’m wrong. Did I say I was going to put a positive spin on this…..nope, can’t do it.

    March 23, 2014 at 11:13 am
  • nijjy says:

    i had just downed my first pint of beer when the third goal was scored. god, i stopped watching at that point and just got on with my beer guzzling and cursing antics. anyhow, i’ll just add to the ranting world of arsenal fans and ask this- what in the name of god is in the mind of arsenal players think when they step on to the field against chelsea, city and liverpool?

    i was critiqued by a fellow arsenal fan for suggesting that arsenal players have developed some sort of psychological block when playing against these teams. his reasoning was that attributing arsenal’s poor results against them amounts to a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy or confirmation bias. i get that poor results could be down to anything from injuries, bad luck, refereeing decisions, poor performance etc. but surely, the quality of players that these clubs have are not world’s apart from that of arsenal players. then why do we consistently under-perform and play like shit against them like we did yesterday?

    but tactically wenger is found wanting as well. i mean, why haven’t we learned any lesson from the defeats at city and liverpool? instead of trying to bomb 10 players forward instantly after kickoff, couldn’t we have played a cautious game for 20 minutes? specially when we know that mourinho likes counter-attacking.

    March 23, 2014 at 11:40 am
  • daddy says:

    Hard to be positive about such a steamy log of a performance, yes. But maybe the repeated thrashings will hopefully wake arsene and the board up to the fact that several if these players do not deserve his loyalty and/or just aren’t good enough. Arteta was always a stop gap and is now a leaden one. Giroud is just too.slow. pod simply lacks the dynamism for this team, ox is going to be awesome but for now remains naieve.

    Ps. Have you not seen the producers?

    March 23, 2014 at 12:06 pm
  • nijjy says:

    BTW Albert Einstein’s definition of madness- Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. How apt!

    March 23, 2014 at 1:27 pm
  • Admir says:

    Regarding Giroud, I’ll just say this (inspired by another Arsenal blog that compared Giroud and Henry in order to defend the former):

    there is Giroud’s erection and Henry’s erection but they are as similar as their goal-scoring abilities are.

    March 23, 2014 at 6:15 pm
  • Adibs says:

    In most circumstances, when a team is constituted n charged with an assignment. And 4 whatever reason d fail 2 meet expectations in d discharge of d assignment, it is only proper dat an explanation shld b offered. In the event dat d explanation is not cogent enough, an inquisition may, then, be instituted. In my opinion, yesterday’ embrassing outing against Chelsea falls under such category of events, therefore, it is only appropriate that d foregoing processes shld apply n promptly.

    March 23, 2014 at 9:01 pm
  • Philbet says:

    Don’t be worrying your sad selves too much, by the time this day is over 19,000 children worldwide will have died of starvation in poverty, in the UK alone 4,500 people will die this week alone, that’s tragedy/drama/life changing. Real things that will really change peoples life !!!
    losing at football is just a side show, Girouds respective abilities not even a relevance in the days actuality.

    March 24, 2014 at 9:36 am

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