** Insert highly misleading title regarding alleged £70m swoop for high profile player here **

I love you, delicious readers.

Good morning, beautiful creatures.

At present, I’m writing this the night before publication and I’m watching the occasional bit of the Real Madrid vs Man United game.

As you may have gathered from my incredibly stupid title, Arsenal news and discussion points aren’t readily available in huge quantities. The transfer window has shut. It’s closed. It’s as available as a prudish nun. Yet still the gossip persists. It’s all a bit silly, isn’t it. Are people out there that desperate for their fix of spurious news that they’ll happily click away like fury at anything with the word ‘transfer’ in it?

It certainly appears so.

I’m guilty myself. It’s not unknown for the dark, lonely hours of night to find me arbitrarily clicking through sites I wouldn’t frequent at any other time (I don’t mean porn, I’m unabashed at how much of that I watch – a LOT). Whilst doing a little of that (not watching porn), I came across (…) a story on the reputable BBC site about Celtic’s Victor Wanyama. I also stublmed acroos this link to a wonder of betting opportunities and such things: https://sports.bwin.com/en/sports/4/betting/football

Some say Wanyama is exactly what we need – a sturdy brute of a man to patrol our midfield allowing our spell-binding midgets wreak havoc on opposition defences. I politely disagree. I don’t think he’s the answer at all – like Alex Song, he has a touch of the “Look at me! I’m Rivaldo!” about him, and seems about as disciplined as I would be with my hands when surround by an array of heaving boobs. Many of you may disagree, but watching him play against Juventus last night, I noticed that Claudio Marchisio is a far, far better player.

Elsewhere in news, we have a Brazilian starlet attending the Emirates for a trial. Indio of Vasco da Gama will be at London Colney hoping to impress Arsene into getting his chequebook out. He sounds like another Wellington – young, and unable to play in this country due to EU regulations for 5 years. It’s nice to see us trying to snap up the hottest Brazilian talent, but it’s hardly a deal that’s going to have me dancing in the streets.

And that’s about it. Sorry for my current funk, and unforgivable lack of regular posts. The E-mails I get from concerned and angry readers are very touching, and I’ll do my best to be here as often as I can for you. However, at present my life is changing, and I find myself lacking regular time spots to blog.

Seeing as it’s the day of St. Valentine, I shall leave you all with a huge hug and an awkward, sloppy kiss that makes you feel very uncomfortable. The comments are below, I hereby challenge you, the delightful reader, to compose a simple themed poem about Arsenal in the tradition associated with this fine day. The best one will be published, along with full credit, tomorrow – so don’t forget to leave your name. Unless they’re all shit, that is…

Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

2 thoughts on “** Insert highly misleading title regarding alleged £70m swoop for high profile player here **”

  1. “Oh, Arsenal, how I love thee,
    with every breath I inhale,
    I dive for you on my knee
    I dive like ugly monkey Bale.

    Oh, Arsenal, how I love thee,
    I’ll love you until I’m dead,
    I dive for you on my knee,
    my love is stronger than Giroud’s head.

    Oh, Arsenal, how I love thee,
    I love you with my every gland,
    more than I’d like to see
    Ryan Shawcross beaten by Ramsey’s hand.

    Oh, Arsenal, how I love thee,
    no matter we win, lose or draw,
    more than I’d like to see
    Roy Keane facing Vieira’s chain-saw.”


Leave a comment. Go on, you know you wanna...