Internationals, Made-Up Martial Bids And Airlifts.

Afternoon folks,

This might be what you’d call a unconventional post. By “unconventional” I mean f*cking stupid.

I’ve a bit of time to write, my little heart is set on doing so. However, I am met with a considerable problem, folks; there’s not too much happening that’s not centred around who has/hasn’t qualified for the World Cup is Russia. The only story doing the rounds that’s Arsenal-related is some hokey balderdash about a £50m swoop for a transfer that’ll SHOCK FANS as Arsenal BID HUGE for Anthony Martial of Manchester United.

Of course, this is utter p*ss. I could go into it a bit, but I won’t. This isn’t Metro or Caught Offside and I’m not a total prick. Let’s just collectively sneer in the general direction of those publications and all the codswallop they represent. That’s a such a underused word, “codswallop“, don’t you think? I urge each of you to use it more often, especially when faced with outlandish transfer stories or another’s opinion with which you vehemently disagree. Or just random strangers on the street.

Anyway…

If you’ve read here before, you’ll be aware that I’ll throw ideas out into the general Twitter public when conversation points are at a premium. The key here being I absolutely have to blog about the first topic that is sent to me. This can often prove inspired, and that first tweet to flutter along brings with it a wonderful idea for a topic. Birds sing, the sun shines, everything is fine and dandy. On other occasions, someone will either send you something filthy or random and extremely difficult. Today firmly fell into the latter category…

Thanks, Joel. Appreciate it…

I’m going to assume Joel means the transportation of goods, animals or people in an aeroplane. Initially, I was certain ‘airlifting’ was going to be some kind of bizarre sexual proclivity. It’s not. in fact, the only slight diversion from my initial definition came from Urban Dictionary and had something to do with Whales.

So, airlifts…

Well, I guess they’re good. I mean, if you’ve a large amount of stuff you need transported from point A to points B with considerable sea water in between, then an airlift would be a great idea. You can carry animals, people, aid to those who need it . Unless you’re that bright orange f*cking cretin in charge of America, of course. Airlifts could only be bad if the cargo wasn’t nice. Cat sh*t, for example. No one would want to carry an enormous amount of cat sh*t. Or Spurs fans. A giant aeroplane could be used to transport them to a remote island where they could run, play, mate and stop shambling around the streets. But the journey wouldn’t be pleasant with all that bleating about ‘power shifts’ when they’re won f*ck all. They did put pressure on the eventual Premiership winners, mind you. That’s an incredible accomplishment….

In fact, the best use I could image for a military cargo plane would be to fly into directly into Mickey Hazard’s taxi with Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle attached to either wing.

Anyways… Rambling over. Apologies for this post. It’s a bit of a mess, but f*ck it.

You can call me names in the comments. I’ll be back soon with something more relevant.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

Soundtrack to this post:

Underworld – ‘If Rah’

Leave a comment. Go on, you know you wanna...