Jonkers Conquers, Plonkers and Transfer Bonkers.

As London Colney exploded, it was clear there had been a huge misunderstanding.

 Morning, folks.

Today’s post will be cruelly short or mercifully brief depending on how you look at it. There’s a plethora of vapid tasks for me to undertake this morning and I’m afraid they are of pressing concern  – I must type with haste.

The main news is the recruitment of youth development coach Andries Jonker from German side Wolfsburg – the 51-year-old Dutchman worked there as assistant manager. Knowing precious little about our ‘new signing’ I did a little research and came up with the following points of interest:

  • He worked at Bayern and Barca alongside Louis van Gaal
  • He’s managed youth teams in Holland
  • His name opens many doors for horrific newspaper headlines
  • He’ll replace Liam Brady at the end of the season

All seems like an excellent addition to me. With  youth development one of the most important factors of the way the Club is run, Arsene is delighted with our new arrival:

“I am very pleased that Andries is joining us. He has a big reputation in the game and was a key part of the team which developed the structures which are now producing such strong young players in Holland.

“I look forward to working with him. I would also like to thank Liam for his work which has been outstanding over many years.”

Of course, as strong an addition for our future as Jonker may be, it’s hardly the new face we’ve all been clamouring for. He’s not that shiny new player who’ll instantaneously solve all the perceived flaws in the team, is he. As the days casually trickle by and the window becomes smaller and smaller, it is starting to look extremely likely we’ll not be investing further in the squad.

And we all know what’s coming should that happen; squabbles. Yes, folks – the internet is primed and ready to explode the minute the clock ticks into the 1st of February and we’ve not done any business. I’ve learnt the stupid way that arguing on the internet is pointless. It truly is an absolute waste of your time. Debates and discussion are one thing, but trolling is such a regular occurrence that it undermines the previous two.

Arsenal have a good squad of players. It’s not as if the first team is made up of shambling zombies incapable of dispatching a delicious through-ball or thundering home a 25-yarder. There is talent in abundance. Do we need to strengthen? Yes – a new face in defence and someone to alleviate Giroud’s burden wouldn’t do any harm, but I don’t view it as the difference between winning something and floundering embarrassingly.

Of course, there’s still 10 days to go. Whilst a move isn’t looking likely, ruling it out all together at this point would counting proverbial badgers before they prepare Eggs Benedict (I made that up – it makes no sense).  By all acounts there have been attempts to recruit. It’s alleged we’ve approached both Draxler and Vucinic and enquired about Alvaro Morata – Real Madrid’s youngster has stated he has no desire to move away.

There’s even the possibility of a late punt on either Berbatov or Remy, although, I’d be telling you all horrible fibs if I said I was particularly enamoured by either player – Berbatov especially doesn’t strike me as a good idea.  It also isn’t beyond the realms of comprehension that Arsene is hatching a sly plot behind closed doors and there’s a tasty surprise heading our way. We picked up Mesut Ozil on the last day of the previous window, so why not something similar this time around?

Wishful thinking? Probably.

That’s all for today, folks. The comments await your thoughts. Do you think we will bring someone in, or does Arsene appear to have settled with what we already have and is happy to proceed? Let me know what you think.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.


  1. Steven Vanson

    Arsene to do a sly one; Pato or Benteke will fit the bill. Would love to see Griezmann take the EPL by storm.

  2. Philbet

    Regarding internet trolls: You should never argue with idiots,they will wear you down and beat you with experience !!

    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @Philbert: That’s a good way of putting it :)

    2. fergus

      You just tell them to fuck off, or strangle them, idiots cost me a fortune trying to tell me how to trade

  3. Joy

    It’s best we don’t get our hopes up. If AW signs someone, good. If not, good too. Right now, i’m just looking forward to our next game. Later rockstar!

    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @Joy: Rockstar? Careful now, it’s dangerous to feed my ego too much…

  4. jim

    of course we all want to win a trophy like yesterday , but jonkers arriving is a serious touch for the youth system , our beloved club is doing the right things ! the FA missed a trick here

  5. spanner

    Jonkers- superb, knows the Dutch way. Top technician.Nice guy.
    Plonkers- Spurs, especially if they throw their games against both the
    Transfer bonkers- buying someone who will never play a game (ie Park).
    only real footballers need apply.

    Any space for Conkers?- One of my favourite lines from Blackadder, when Brian Blessed turns to his wife and says”Have you lost your conkers?”

    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @spanner: Blackadder was so good. Right up there with Brass Eye and Spaced amongst my favourite shows.

  6. Admir

    We might see another transfer window in which Wenger won’t sign anyone in order to keep current players’ harmony. One striker would be a perfect signing but I don’t see that one coming. And City are going to have Jovetic fit very soon as well.

  7. bradster

    I’m still hoping for that speedy winger that plays as a winger. We rely too much on our full backs and every midfielder wants to cut inside.
    Berahino could be a cheap punt for a striker or the come back of Michu in Feb and Adam Johnson looks to be learning his trade well.
    Perhaps Moyes would part with one of his strikers, all are great finishers.

    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @bradster: Hernandez would be worth a punt. I reckon he’d score a bunch of goals.

  8. fergus

    IMO, Podolski would be better in a central role, a lot better than Giroud and a more powerful and accurate striker of a ball. Feel a lot safer with Gibbs rather than Monreal. 4 vital games coming up. Villa showed up L/pools weakness, and time to lay the Manu phobia. Just play from the start as we played for the last 20 minutes, Leaving Wilshere out was a major mistake, Is Ozil giving enough?. Probably needs time to adjust to pace of English game. Big mistake in not breaking the bank for Suarez. Mata would be perfect For the gunners.

    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      @fergus: I have to politely disagree with you there – Podolski, in my humble opinion, offers more threat cutting inside from the left than he does attempting to hold play by himself.

      1. fergus

        Cannot disagree with you there, on second thoughts. gl


    Nice quick writeup JR. thank you LIAM for excellence and loyalty to the ARSENAL for so many years. Lets hope trying to fill his big shoes does not drive Mr. JONKERS completely bonkers.
    As far as transfers go, I agree with JOY. our resident lovely groupie.
    Just say no to ex-mancs & ex- spudniks.

    1. Joy

      You too GOONERKAM, calling me a groupie? Anyways, I really don’t mind being one here. Hugs to every true Gooner here. Sayonara! – for now, that is.


    MATA will not be sold to THE ARSENAL since the chavskies are run by the mother of all TW••$.

  11. fergus

    Why the fuck does he not Move for Mata?.he has no vision and alternate Podolski and Giroud. 4 vital games to come


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