Lasagne

Tomato sauce, mince, bechamel, layered pasta: our salvation.

FA Premiership, May 5th: Arsenal 3-3 Norwich.

Morning, depressed, forlorn, bewildered, exasperated folks.

I’m not really sure where to begin. I could offer you some sort of reasoning for such an unbelievable defensive performance. I can’t, however. Instead, I chose to bang my head repeatedly against a wall and scream.

“ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! YOU IDIOTS!!!!”

Yesterday was important. No. Yesterday was vital. If we want third place, we couldn’t afford to be anything other than focused. Defensively, we was showed the stability of one of those rickety rope-bridges you see in Indiana Jones movies. The back four were all over the place, Szczsney was catastrophically shit-awful and the cover from the midfielders was atrocious – look in jaw-agape horror as they casually jog back for the second Norwich goal.

I could just about understand such a shocking display of ineptitude had it been a meaningless end-of-season game. To concede so poorly against opposition – with all due respect – we should be beating is beyond my comprehension. How can they approach a fixture as critical with such a blasé attitude?

Third place is now out of our hands. Should Spurs or Newcastle get 3 points today, they’ll be in the driving seat – we could conceivably fall out of the top 4 if both win their games. Worst of all for me, I now have to actively cheer on the teams they’ll be playing. Hoping for someone to beat our rivals and do us a favour is a thoroughly irritating thing to be forced into doing. I hate it; sat around the radio/TV with my fingers crossed praying for an act of fortune that’ll excuse such a fucking woeful result.

I’m almsot at the point of thinking we don’t deserve to acquire third. When the team needed to stand up for the club and be counted, the players exposed the same defensive frailties than have plagued us for years now. I know there isn’t much to be gleaned from writing in such a embittered and frustrated manner. I know that those better than I will look for positives. However, when the opportunity was there to cement our position, the product on show was sorely lacking.

I see little in the way of positives from that.

What will happen from here is up to the footballing gods. If fortune smiles on us and neither of the two teams breathing down our necks manages to secure a win, we’ll be back in pole position. If that does occur, it will certainly be a reprieve that’s undeserved. It might just be time to starting breaking out those final game Lasagnes if we don’t get any luck.

Thanks for reading today, you beautiful bastards. Tomorrow, I’ll try to lighten the mood with another interview for you. It’s a good one, and I hope you’ll be as pleased with it as I am.

Until then, vent your furious anger in the comments and take a moment to follow me on Twitter @_ArmchairGooner

4 Comments

  1. offiong

    We had given so much in d 2nd half ?? get bak in d game. And when we did, I tot we would play more in our own half av more men in and arnd our box, but when song lost ??ξ ball for ??ξ 3rdgoal, we had just one defender covering morrison. How? Ar we just trying ?? show we love attacking football too much and shoot ourselves in ??ξ foot in process? I won’t hope for anytng bettr than europa lge next season cos even if villa and citeh do us a favour 2day we’ll still bomb it @ ??ξ hawthorns. I’d rather wait for ??ξ surprise that will b finishing 3rd

    Reply
  2. Lewis

    Get well soon Sagna, one time I would like to see our players issue some payback to players that break our legs. We might get a red ard but it would stop players thinking they can get away with it, it’s beyond ridiculous that it’s always us that this happens to. Really makes me sad.

    Reply
  3. Charlie Boy

    Half the team that didn’t turn up yesterday don’t deserve to wipe my arse, let alone wear the shirt. Forget the penalties not awarded, and the leg-breakers unpunished – Norwich deserved to win, simple as!

    Teams that have lacked the big names have more than made up for it with hard work and determination. Our team of overpaid, over pampered slackers (the majority of which) have shown little spirit or fight, instead relying on luck and other results to get through. It’s ironic that the few players that do put in a shift are either injured now or leaving. Many thanks to RVP, Yossi, Mikel and Bacari, in particular.

    Like many other Gooners, I was sick of the board a long time ago – but sadly now, I’m getting sick of Mr Wenger and half the team too! Lack of passion and inept tactics being the main culprits to our abhorrent season.

    I hope the new season brings a renewed spark of urgency, but I fear another season of rot, decay and degradation: (

    Reply
  4. The bridge gooner

    first class piece it surely was a bad display when it was still in our hands but we’ve been here before your right the same old defensive frailties showed and there’s no need to explain about the way you wrote the piece it’s the truth. Although when writing this it’s all back in our hands but it’s still no excuse for yesterday.

    Reply

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