The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

The Return Of Theo, Bargain Basement Welbeck And James’ Moaning.

“Come on, Sky, turn up at a respectable hour…”

Morning, delightful Earth creatures.

The theme of today’s post is very much waiting. Having recently re-located from Bristol to Gloucester, waiting has very much taken over my life. Previously I’ve waited for large companies such as BT and IKEA to complete relatively straight forward deliveries, only to see them fu*k things up quite spectacularly – our Swedish friends conspired to not actually turn up at all on the day they stated, whilst BT were 4 hours late. Today is the turn of Sky TV’s installation team.

Will they rise from the doldrums like an incandescent Phoenix of professionalism and manage to do as promised, or flounder in a manner similar to their established, gargantuan brethren? Today I’ll find out, and I’m already certain at this hour I’ll have to wait a considerable amount of time in order to do so.

Elsewhere, my morning consists of making phone calls – more waiting – signing up for a Red membership with Arsenal thanks to the reminders of an admirably persistent Joktopus – the same Joktopus who wrote this excellent piece about our perceived issues in defence – and shambling about my new home in just my pants. Continue reading

Welbeck’s Goals, Sanogo’s Vow and Ramsey’s ‘Injury’.

Sanogo… errr… ‘dances’ through the Bayern defence.

Morning, boys and girls.

Today, unlike those woefully bereft examples that preceded it, brings glorious news, and of the pertinent variety no less. Rest assured, delicious reader; there shall be no tomfoolery today. Nope, none. I’ll get right into the nitty-gritty and discuss some Arsenal stuff.

Having stated my disdain for all things relating to international football, it was a peculiar force that compelled me to watch Switzerland Vs England on Monday night. You might assume that transpired due to a sudden, arbitrary burst of enthusiasm for the fortunes of my national team. You’d be mistaken. The rather simple and puerile reason was to get a look at Danny Welbeck play for 90 minutes and envisage how he’ll settle in at Arsenal.

As it turned out, it wasn’t a bad game at all. I’ve said before that I find Wembley a soulless building. Continue reading

Santi Cazorla’s Selection Of Magnificent Biscuits.

“Get yer Hob Nobs, dunkable goodness in a pack of 3″

Morning, folks.

All through the summer I had little time to blog because of the rigmarole associated with moving house. Such things eat relentlessly away at your every waking moment and often involve dealing with stubbornly idiotic folk seemingly hell-bent on causing difficulty. I know if my friend, The Joktopus, is reading this he’ll agree, as will Daniel Cowan. Some of you most probably will also. The whole process is stressful and immeasurably infuriating from start to finish.

Now that it is all firmly behind me, I can put aside time to write this here mess of mine. The only slight problem is I’ve opted to return at a time little or nothing of any interest is happening out there in the wonderful world of Arsenal.

So where to begin? Well, those of you who pop by with regularity will know no subject is off limits here. I was considering searching the news outlets, but even with the window shut for a week, they are still churning out transfer stories. So what remains? Something customarily idiotic, that’s what. Continue reading

Wojciech Szczesny Doesn’t Have Any Friends…

“I have at least two friends”

Morning, you scrumptious little rascals.

Welcome to glorious Sunday morning – a morning in which I’m afforded the luxury of not working. Once this post is completed, the joys of trudging around various home improvement outlets awaits me. I’m looking to treat myself to a decorative plant of some description. Yes, folks – my life is THAT crazy.

With that hedonistic pursuit in mind, proceedings will be kept to a minimum today as the throes of excitement truly have me overwhelmed. I’m picturing what lies ahead right now; the tension of selecting the correct decorative plant that turns to sweet joy once the correct choice is made; the ecstasy of queuing for payment; the haunting beauty of wrestling with a f**king plant as I attempt to fit it in the boot of my car; the startled passers-by mumbling with disapproval as I pepper the air with obscenities; the list of delights is endless.

However, now is the time reserved for Arsenal chatter, so it is precisely that I shall serve.  Continue reading

Yepes On A Free Transfer And Other Bits ‘N’ Bobs.

“Bullsh*t stories go to that department”

Morning, folks.

There was no post yesterday because it was my birthday and I was forced into working on a day usually reserved for celebration. Cruelly, I might add. In fact, it’s tantamount to abuse as far as I’m concerned. Truth be told, I woke up scandalously late and missed the allotted period of time for delicious scribing.

You may berate me for this.

Because of international friendlies, there’s a whole host of spurious bilge floating around out there in cyberspace. Stories it’s easy to envisage were created by arbitrarily selecting players currently available on a free transfer and linking them with a move to Arsenal. Colombia’s Mario Yepes being the most jarringly example. Journalists the world over erupted with relief when they discovered that fact. Continue reading

The Danny Welbeck Signing; Taking Stock.

Morning, folks.

As I ordinarily do, I’m writing this the night before publication. Quite why I feel the need to inform you of a regularity is beyond me, but I’ve started typing and can’t be arsed to go back and begin afresh.

Pointless opening.

Start again.

Morning, folks!

I watched the England game last night. I was not impressed. International friendlies are comfortably the most pointless creation the human race has ever masterminded. They serve little purpose other than to ensure we watch through eyes squinted and with gritted teeth in the fear one of our players will be scythed in half by an overly eager opponent. The games tend to be about as entertaining as walking into a police station and loudly exclaiming, “There’s 200oz of heroin in my bottom, who wants to look first?!”. In short; they suck, and they suck enormously.  Continue reading

Arsenal Bid £50m For Mega Trans…. Oh, wait….

“James, why are you mentioning that guy? He’s total clownshoes”

Morning, boys ‘n’ girls, and kitty katz, as I imagine kitty katz take great measures to ensure they read this blog.

Now that the horrors of the transfer window are but a speck in the rear-view mirror of the Arsenal juggernaut, suddenly the talking points appear to have dried up. By that I mean the websites famed for spewing copious amounts of dross across cyberspace have to re-think their strategies in order to coerce the unsuspecting onto their sites. God forbid they publish anything relating to the beautiful game we love…

Driving home from work last night listening to 5Live Sport, one of the chief practitioners of writing any old crap to attract hits, Neil Ashton, was a featured panelist. Continue reading