The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

The Dangers Of Alexis Sanchez And World Cup Wonderment.

Trapped, alone; it all got too much for Alexis Sanchez

Morning, delicious Earth creatures.

It’s nice to be back. As I always state when addressing you all after a prolonged absence; things have been hectic and troublesome for me in previous weeks. Such is the jarring regularity of irksome occurrences, my personal life has descended into an obstacle course in which I need every faculty at my disposal to avoid frequent bouts of madness and frustration. To cut a meandering story short; it has been a tough couple of weeks.

But, hey – you’re not here to read about my problems, nor do you particularly care. You fine folks are here to immerse yourself in Arsenal related offerings. Along with the World Cup, across the glorious Twitterverse much debate rages on about transfers. It’s always bloody transfers, isn’t it? Transfers, transfers, transfers. Bloody transfers. Even that word has become a little annoying, such is the regularity with which my peepers peruse stories of its ilk. Continue reading

Gunners To Be?

Gunners to be? Last season was a little bit of a mixed bag for Arsenal. True, they ended their nine year trophy drought by winning the FA Cup, but their Premier League title challenge fell short despite a promising start. It is clear that the Gunners need a few new faces to be brought in. The fact that they are fifth favourites with Unibet showcases that, but who are the players who could transform them from perennial league failures to genuine title contenders? Continue reading

£27m Balotelli For Arsenal And A Few World Cup Views.

“Thanks, Joe – now I don’t have dandruff, just silky and manageable hair”

Greetings, Earthlings. I’ve been away for such a long time. Seems almost an eternity since digits danced with keys and blathery goodness was the result. Why such a elongated dalliance with obscurity and the realms of the unheard, I hear you collectively ponder? Well, scrumptious creatures, a combination of intense workloads in my personal life, excessive heat and a lack of inclination has conspired and caused such a glaring lack of posts.

In my absence, I’ve been keenly watching the World Cup. Having initially sworn I, “wasn’t that bothered”, such has been the quality of the football on show I’ve now got right into it all. Aside from England, that is. If you’re familiar with me and the stuff I write, you’ll already know I’m not really that patriotic – Club football takes precedence over its international counterpart everyday of the week. England’s unceremonious dumping from the tournament  at the hands of a decent Italy side and a toothy racist hardly registered with me at all. Continue reading

An Angry Scotsman’s reaction to Cesc Fabregas.

Hello everyone. 

Apologies for having not been around recently. Such is life. Recently I received a guest blog from my adorable Scottish friend, Dyllan Munro, and given his customarily snarling and offensive content, I figured now, given what’s occurred with Cesc Fabregas, would be the ideal time to publish it. Be warned, folks; it’s not for the faint hearted.

Over to you, Dyllan.

- James. 

Unless you’ve just regained consciousness following an ungodly amount of alcohol and excess after our FA Cup victory then the chances are you’re already sick of the transfer window. If you happen to enjoy feeding off the misery and disappointment of others however you, like Satan or George RR Martin, have no doubt been having a blast.

The sense of unity and joviality enjoyed by our fan base after our cup heroics has been smashed into a million tiny little pieces by notorious Catalan C*nt, Francesc F*cking Fabregas. Residual bitterness from the way he left has not entirely abated and I had rather hoped that the days of our summers being devoted to our former captain were over. 3 mixed years however have repeatedly shown that he was a luxury purchase for Barcelona, bought for purely emotional reasons with no real place in the team and no desire to find him one. Arsenal it seems, were eager to avoid making this mistake and since we have limited funds (read enough cash to buy a pile of ecstasy the size of Belgium) we are passed on the chance to activate his buy back clause. Continue reading

I’m Not Going To Talk About Bloody Cesc Fabregas.


Evening, all.

At this time of year, I struggle. Not only do I work in a heaving kitchen in sweltering temperatures, but I also have to navigate the interminable dross plastered across cyberspace. Well… I say “have to” … I don’t have to do it at all. Should the feelings of irritation overwhelm me, I could go to a monastery and spend my days chanting into a wall to find inner peace.

I could…

However, I like blogging. It’s fun to me and the freedom to express whatever the hell I please without fear of censorship is glorious. When discussing Arsenal with you it’s pertinent to make mention of the latest news. Cesc Fabregas, seemingly unstoppably so, is the news at the moment. All the bloody news.  Continue reading

Cesc Fabregas On Twitter, Iggy Izalea, Quizzes, Jurassic Park And More!

An ‘L’ that indicates you should listen below…

Afternoon, folks.

There is so much Fabregas chitter-chatter out there. It’s practically all-consuming in its exposure to the masses. I defy any one of you to log into a sports website without seeing his furry face smiling back at. One second he’s returning to Arsenal, the next Chelsea, the next Man City and whichever else team the speculators can tenuously link him with.

I shan’t get into here because, quite frankly, I’m sick to death of the very mention of it at present. What I’ll do is point you towards the latest Goonersphere Podcast where we discuss the matter, amongst other things, in quite some detail. Continue reading

How’s Aw Wi Ye, Kind Reader?

Signs of Scottish independence are popping up everywhere, what with the referendum and everything. Last thing I heard, there is now a Scottish lottery. They want their freeeedom. Simple as that.

This independence business made me think of Scottish footballers – a phenomenon rumoured to actually exist in real life. Even in the history books of Arsenal. The two of them go way back. Let me walk you there. All the 500 miles back there.

It was not more than a few months ago Wenger pursued a promising, Scottish 17-year-old. In any other world than football, this would have been deemed illegal or in any case highly immoral. Ryan “baby Messi” Gauld was the Scottish promise on everyone’s lips last Christmas. And Arsenal wanted their hands on him. Okay, enough with the innuendo. It didn’t work out in the end. So who are some of the Scottish players that are actually recognised for their services? Continue reading