The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Leicester City: Team News, Predicted Starting XI And Thoughts.

Ulloa levels the game in the early fixture.

Afternoon, folks.

With tonight’s game being a late kick-off and mainly becuase I was too lazy to do it this morning, your delicious daily update is here a little later than usual. Apologies if you were waiting on tenterhooks at the usual time only to be bitterly disappointed. Both of you.

So, without further ado, let’s get into it.

A win is vital tonight. Wether it be accomplished through free-flowing attacking brilliance and lots of goals or a hideously inept display in which we are rescued by a fortuitous late goal matters not to me – we need the 3 points and I don’t especially care how we get them.

Granted, the former of those two choices is by far the more preferably, and a good display certainly breeds confidence. However, dropping points would be harming to our claim for 4th, so we need to get them above anything else.

I think we might see a little rotation today. Continue reading

The Return Of Alexis Sanchez And Arsenal “Not Switched On”.

“Can someone turn me on, please?”

Morning, folks.

Today finds me still unable to shake to dejection of having lost to Spurs. It really is a bloody awful sensation. Last night I awoke in a cold sweat having dreamt Harry Kane had taken over the universe and created an army of bumbling, barely-literate clones and everywhere I turned I was greeted by one of them talking to me as if there was a giant angry wasp trying to escape from their mouth.

The horror.

That said, tomorrow brings another fixture and the opportunity to exorcise a few of those demons by obtaining 3 delicious points. Leicester aren’t the most formidable of sides on their travels and to compound matters, they’ve just parted company with their manager. Often that can be dangerous, as players suddenly feel the desire to up their performance levels in light of a new face on the horizon. The effect can also be extremely detrimental, piling further turmoil onto what was already far from a bed of roses.

Let’s hope it’s the latter. I don’t care if we scrounge a 1-0 win in the dying minutes having played egregiously as long as we win. That’s all that’s important after a defeat. Continue reading

North London Derby: The Better Team Won.

Arsenal weren’t at the races at all.

Morning, folks.


There certainly aren’t many feelings I can describe worse than the one that envelops me at present. Dejection, temper tantrums and a generally unpleasant demeanour are all side effects of having witnessed Arsenal not only lose the North London derby, but do so without really putting up a fight.

The Manchester City result was a tremendous example of how to approach difficult away games; remain tight and compact when soaking up pressure, but, most importantly of all, do something productive with the ball when we have it. Don’t idly attempt to pass out of defence and gift possession and initiative back to the opponents.

Yesterday was pretty much the antithesis of that performance. For every bit as good as Arsenal were at The Ethiad, we performed equally as badly yesterday at White Hart Lane. That’s the thing I find most difficult to swallow; having seen us display the correct way so proficiently only to regress to being bloody awful again when the pressure is on.  Continue reading

North London Derby: Team News, Predicted Starting XI And Thoughts.

High fives all round again today, please.

Morning, folks.

Days like today fill me with nerves. As I type, there is an audible maelstrom within my midriff and it’s worsening as the minutes tick toward kick-off. My bladder feels like suffering a choke hold at the gigantic hands of a WWE superstar and I’m starting to consider taking up permanent residence on the toilet.

Losing the NLD doesn’t bare thinking about. Losing to that bunch of irksome second-stringers would be tantamount to waking up one morning to find my penis has been replaced with a empty tube of Smarties. In short, folks, I can only envisage an Arsenal victory today because the opposite takes me to a place of sorrow and darkness.

Form will count for little or nothing. Continue reading

Alexis To Miss Spurs Game: A Comprehensive Report.

Alexis misses the big game.

Morning, folks.

By now, you’ll have all heard the news; Alexis Sanchez is not deemed fit enough to face our irksome rivals on Saturday. As the title of the post suggests, I have decided offer you all a thorough report into the impact his absence could have on the team and cast light upon a few of the unseen factors that also apply.  Continue reading

Santi Cazorla or Mesut Ozil Centrally? Favourites For The FA Cup?

A trinket available in May.

Morning, folks.

I’m writing this post to you last night. I’ve just finished watching Gone Girl (which is darkly, unsettlingly brilliant) in enough time to see Philippe Coutinho curl a winner for Liverpool at Bolton in the final minutes of the game (which was darkly, unsettlingly brilliant). Brendan Rodgers is currently goose-stepping manically about his technical area in celebration as that horrendous beak on his face disrupts the Earth’s gravity. The massive c*nt.

The FA Cup, aye…

Few could dispute England’s most traditional competition represents our most likey avenue for success. With the shocks of the previous round reverberating throughout the land, Arsenal find themselves in a position where the competition now appears jarringly winnable.

However, this will be a sentiment shared by both Liverpool and Manchester United. Louis van Gaal may look like a poorly inflated corpse, but he is not known for his modesty – he rarely does anything other than bleat out of his asre about how oh-so bloody wonderful he is, so, doubtless to say, he fancies his side’s chances.  Continue reading

Chuba Akpom’s New Contract And Wrinkly-Faced Wheeler-Dealers.

Talented young player in arbitrary action picture.

Morning, folks.

Today as I gaze longingly into cyberspace I am greeted by a desolate wasteland of news. Without midweek football to provide nuggets of interest, news and intrigue is at a premium. This can cause troubles for the humble blogger…

In order to fill this post, I’m contemplating either discussing whether or not I should give my penis a nickname, or taking a moment to explain precisely why I feel slightly emasculated at recently having had a bubble bath with scented candles that I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of.

Perhaps neither is the correct choice.

(For the record: ‘Kenneth Dinkleton’ was the name I had in mind)

There is one story pertinent to Arsenal (thank f*ck). Our young striker, Chuba Akpom looks set to sign on the dotted line and commit his future to Arsenal – a deal for 4 years. Nothing, at the time of writing, has been confirmed by either Club or the player himself, but would appear to be very likely. Assuming you believe the plethora of reports, that is. Continue reading