Podolski ‘signed’ yesterday, Vertonghen speaks, Sensible Soccer and other news.

Without warning, the Spurs defence imploded.

Morning’s greeting, fair reader of this here drivel.

I’ve never really gotten myself into modern gaming. I’m the type trapped in a time long since forgotten by most. Ask me for a game of FIFA12 with a 13-year-old boy living in Iran via the internet, and I’ll politely decline. Pull out a copy of Sensible Soccer, and I’m all yours.

Last night my brother and I did exactly that.

After an hour of getting far too involved in the game, I noticed the striking similarities between the team I was controlling, and the current Arsenal side. For all their attacking flair and numerous shot on target, the little bastards operating under my command disappeared from the screen whenever defensive duties were needed.

Even my right-winger would consistently allow simple balls to bounce off him, scurry around aimlessly, and, just as I was reaching a furious crescendo, he’d pop up with a sublime touch and score a goal. I’m sure that reminds me of someone, just can’t place whom…

Anyway, that’s enough of that. You want some Arsenal news, don’t you?

Lukas Podolski must have completed somewhere in the region of 50 medicals in the past two weeks. Either our doctors are overly fastidious, or there is a significant amount of mis-information and poppycock being brandished about in the media.

Yesterday, it was reported the deal would be announced. Shock! Horror! It wasn’t, and probably won’t ever be at this rate. I’d love to see the guy here, and I agree there must be truth in some of the stories – at least a modicum. Until it’s offical, it’s all speculative and imaginary.

Another player on the tongues – not literally – of Gooners is Ajax’s commanding defender, Jan Vertonghen. When quizzed about his imminent departure from Dutch football, he had this to say:

Arsenal are a magnificent club and I hear a lot of good things about English football. If a club of Arsenalâ??s calibre can reach agreement with Ajax, then I will gladly go over. I have instructed my agent carefully. He knows which clubs I want to join, and Arsenal are one of them.

Footballer’s are such teases, aren’t they? Where some see a flattering compliment to our club, the cynic in me sees a player trying to drum up interest in himself. That’s not to say it’s a bad thing, so long as he doesn’t reach Eden Hazard-like levels of whorish behaviour – I’ve gone right off that big-headed scallywag.

But that’s all just idle chatter. Tomorrow, we’re back to the good stuff and a trip to play Everton. I’m sure you’ll all agree, it’s good to have The Arsenal back after what feels like an enternity. Fabrice Muamba has begun showing early – if slight – signs of making a recovery, and has spoken to friends using basic English and French. It’s fantastic, fantastic news, and I hope the boys can’t put on a real performance tomorrow and dedicate to him.

That’s all for today, folks.

Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Full game preview coming tomorrow, until then I hope you’ll take a moment to comment and follow my Twitter account @_ArmchairGooner

12 Comments

  1. Mutiu opeyemi

    I wish dem best of luck.gunners 4life

    Reply
  2. Deleson

    Tank u 4 d info,u ugly beach waitng 4 d respond.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      You’re welcome, poppet!

      Reply
  3. CHIDI MAIGAS

    TAK U 4 INFORM

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      U R WELCOM…

      Reply
  4. Francis Angrey

    Why disturb us with speculations?

    Reply
  5. mario amos

    Great, news to hear about Luke Polanski

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Luke Polanski; the lesser-known brother of French director, Roman…

      All my silliness aside, thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  6. Franco

    lies, no one signed

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Why do you think I used inverted commas in the title? Where in the post have I said he had signed?

      Reply
  7. reallycrossross

    Luke does have a Facebook account but “Luke only shares some information publicly” … typical just when I thought there was a new lead to our daily news transfer binge. O’well maybe tomorrow we will have signed one of Mario’s imaginary friends or it could be all LIES I TELL YOU!

    Reply
  8. sam

    lukas podolski and vertonghen are like samba and cahill last year.
    as soon as arsenal show interests their agents start blowing the horn to attrack other teams. soon ze stubborn will tell them to stick it up their arsenal and spend on neymar instead.

    Reply

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