The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Podolski Stays, Pogba And Martinez Talk And Sagna Should Leave As Soon As Possible.

Lukas’ attempt at performing the ‘disco robot’ didn’t go as planned.

Afternoon, exquisite lifeforms.

Right, I’m almost entirely unsure how to begin today’s post. When situations like this arise, my solution is to simply start typing whatever comes into my head first. So here goes…

I remember vividly the first time I saw a pair of breasts; shapely, gleaming, full of mystical promise and heaving – they were unleashed before my eyes as if the questions of the universe and man’s existence had all been answered in that one, swift ceromonious removal of an item of clothing…

Okay…. That’s not entirely pertinent, is it. Try again, James…

Lemmings terrify me. They possess beady eyes filled with mischief and a malevolent swagger. As a young man in my formative years. I often played the computer game of the same name and found myself disturbed by their ability to explode and construct very basic bridges and such. Plus, they used to annoy the p*ss out of me when they wouldn’t do what I told them. Recalcitrant bleeders, they were. Look at them, looking all sinister and menacing…

Dastardly creatures.

This experiment isn’t working. If you’ve not clicked away from this page in utter disgust by now, I can assure you I’m now going to find of semblance of a point or notable subject matter…

Lukas Podolski. Unlike Lemmings, I have a great affinity for our German No9 and the news that he plans to be at Arsenal next season is information I receive with open arms, not to mention a little awkward groping added to really express my satisfaction. Forgiving his penchant for moments of disinterested dithering in games, it’s impossible to dispute he has an enormously positive impact on the team. Add to that his pile driver of a left foot and superb finishing ability and his presence next season is all positives.

Elsewhere, I was embroiled in a discussion about the fabled DM position. Some folks would have you believe that such a role doesn’t exist in the modern game and I’m inclined to agree. However, that fact doesn’t mean that having one wouldn’t be an advantage. In my opinion it would.

In many instances last season, opponents seemed to skip through our midfield unopposed, as if the centre of the field was a dance floor theirs to do with as they saw fit. Mikel Arteta was guilty of gifting said space on numerous occasions. I’d love to see Arsenal deploy someone in that role like Gilberto; a player who’s natural game suits that position, who has the discipline to do what the team needs before his own gain and that isn’t as prone to attempting to kill the opposition as Flamini is.

Using my extensive knowledge (…) of European footballer (Seriously, I have none) I consider Javi Martinez and Paul Pogba as the best two exponents of such skill. I would frolic through a meadow with gleeful abandon should we sign either. Martinez does appear to be the most obtainable as I can’t see Juventus parting with Pogba unless they’re offered ridiculous money.

Lastly today we come to Bacary Sagna and the bogus carrot he’s been dangling in the press stating there’s a 10% chance he’ll remain at Arsenal. I have no issue at all with him seeking new pastures and new challenges after 7 years exceptional service to the Club. None at all. I’ll wish him well wherever he goes. However, I do feel he should eradicate any doubt whatsoever and simply state he will be leaving Arsenal to seek a different path.

Would it be beneficial to keep him? Of course it would, but he has to make a choice and there can be no illusions. Arsenal need to seek out a replacement and don’t need any ‘maybes’ hanging over deals.

That’s all for today, folks. Apologies for going a little off track at the start. I have just considered deleting it, but there’s no fun in that. If you’re going to blog, in my opinion, it should be an extent of your personality – both bad and good. I’ll point you toward the comments where you can discuss the points I’ve mentioned and lambast my stupidity, if you so desire.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more. Until then, and as always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

Category: Arsenal
  • Berg says:

    Tell us about the breasts?

    May 27, 2014 at 1:29 pm
  • BT says:

    Wouldn’t go for Martinez on any level, a complete lightweight who dives at the merest touch and wouldn’t last two minutes in the Prem. Pogba would be amazing but way out of our price range for a DM. He would cost £40m+

    May 27, 2014 at 1:55 pm
  • Stephen Ibiwoye says:

    You are sooo good. Can’t just afford to miss any of your “stupidity”.

    May 27, 2014 at 1:57 pm
  • Joy says:

    #smilingaway

    May 27, 2014 at 4:57 pm
  • Patrick Adams says:

    Martinez, Pogba, no mate we’re more likely to get Barry. Need pace in midfield, what does the boss do, find the slowest midfielder around, one who makes Arteta look like Bolt. Podolski must be gutted when he’s taken off and replaced by Sanogo. Signing Balotelli would confirm that Wenger’s gone BONKERS!

    May 27, 2014 at 5:18 pm
  • meo says:

    Sign dem all…..

    May 27, 2014 at 9:12 pm
  • Phl23 says:

    Personally I think the two best players that we could buy are Pogba or Gundogan + Fabregas + Vela.

    May 28, 2014 at 6:37 am
  • Vaibhav Ailawadi says:

    Stay like you are James. Hilarious. Keep it up XD

    May 28, 2014 at 9:10 am

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