Roo, The Higuana and Fernando: Arsenal’s striking triumvirate…

Some people saw the funny side of a TalkSport broadcast…

Morning, you pulchritudinous individuals.

We’ve all heard the stories alleging Arsenal will blaze forward into the summer and splash obscene amounts of cash. Like most of you, I’ve raised a querying eyebrow more than once when those claims have been brought up. Well, to tell you the truth; I’ve scoffed and decided I’ll believe all that talk when I see physical evidence of it. If you’re to become embroiled in all the talk of signings, there is no better approach.

It’s with that exact mindset I viewed the tales of Arsenal looking to not only add Higuain to our strike-force, but Rooney and Fernando Torres, too. Given the previous seasons, I can only say that sounds far-fetched in the extreme. Wildly unlikely, even… Actually, I’d say there is greater probability of me simultaneously winning the affections of Anne Hathaway and Megan Fox and enjoying a weekend of carnal delight with both in a caravan park outside of Devon.

The stories that have surfaced about Torres come from that beacon of all things truthful, The Mirror, and it’s another one of those that says things like

– “Arsene Wenger will move fast after eyeing up Torres”.

How exactly do they know that? Perhaps Gervinho is an undercover reporter. Maybe they’ve a direct link to Arsene’s bedroom and they hear his pillow talk. Or maybe, just maybe; someone has made up a bunch of shit for the sake of it.

If there is a shred of truth to it, I’m not sure I’d be overly enamoured with it. Whilst at Liverpool, Torres was undeniably brilliant and the type of player that frightened me to death when headed towards our penalty box. Since those days, he has been anything but. Wether he’s become lazy, injured, washed-up or just gone off the boil for a considerable amount of time; few could deny there has been a noticeable plummet in his standards.

Given the transfer fee he’d command, and the ridiculous wages, I’m not sure it’s good business to gamble on him providing us with the goods. More to the point; I can’t see Arsene Wenger considering it a viable option. If we buy a striker, it will be Higuain. There is little possibility of us shelling out big money for two – especially with Giroud and Sanogo (I’m assuming) already in the squad.

On the opposite side, however, I think Torres might just come good with us. Chelsea seem to prefer the strategic approach of a defensive mentality and racism. We have a game that’s centred around quick, technical approach play with attacking being our preferred method of defence. Deployed into that system I think our Spanish friend would score a fair few goals. If you told me we’d see the Torres of old linking up with Santi Cazorla, I’d probably explode into glorious orgasm right now.

It’s certainly one of the more interesting transfer rumours I’ve heard. It’s probably bollocks, but I’ll ask your opinion on the matter regardlessly; do you think Fernando Torres would be a good signing for Arsenal? Purely on footballing terms, that is. Forget however much he might cost, or how much his weekly salary would be.

The comments await your views on the subject below. I’ll look forward to engaging with as many of you as possible. As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

22 Comments

  1. mz grt

    he seems like a problem..arsenal always had this type of discipline and good attitude player.. maybe he just cant fit in..

    Reply
  2. Feargal hickey

    I think it’s just paper not refusing ink,however,I think Nando would thrive at the arsenal,he’s a proven goal scorer in the pl.worth a punt I reckon.

    Reply
    1. andreh

      at tyms we see clubs signing players bt for arsenal,wenger is blindfolding us so that he can bring in a kid of 17yrs…………….

      Reply
  3. nijjy

    i don’t think torres can ever become the torres of liverpool. while it’s true that class is permanent, while form is temporary, my feeling is that torres has crossed a point of no return. he might of course prove me totally wrong. but if were wenger, i’d rather go for higuain.

    Reply
  4. lance peters

    what we need is someone to get into the goal scoring positions and slot them in. with us i think torres can come good. he looks bad when he has to work for his goals and with chelsea and spain you need to work for your goals.

    Reply
  5. Khalifha

    Nice post James, i agree with you on all the issues you raised regarding transfers and Torres.

    There is no way in hell that we end up signing four new strikers before the end of this window – never say never? Never.

    In my opinion, Torres is still living off of his past reputation as a proven goal scorer, he hasn’t scored consistently in the past 2-3 years and frankly speaking, without that £50M price tag hanging over his head, Abramovic fc would have given up on him long ago.

    Something I noticed commentators/analysts fail to bring up is that Torres has lost his pace, I mean Koscielny is probably faster than him right now – keep in mind that he was never the most technically gifted striker, he relied mostly on his pace and finishing ability. I won’t complain if he ended up in an arsenal jersey, but I can’t say am looking forward to it.

    Btw, saw your reply re mafia movies, let’s agree to disagree, my personal top 3
    – Godfather 1/2
    – Goodfellas
    – Casino

    Now let’s ah make Higuain an offer he can’t refuse, Capishe.

    Reply
  6. Johny Pollock (@mrjohnyp)

    How ridiculous have these stories getting. One out of the three I believe but not all three seems like the press are just geeing up Gooner’s so we are all extremely disappointed come the start of the season.

    Reply
    1. Johny Pollock (@mrjohnyp)

      Left out a word in first sentence.

      Reply
  7. Khalifha

    Hmmm, Megan Fox/Anne Hathaway, polar opposites if you think about it – I won’t expatiate on that tho .

    Reply
  8. Khalifha

    Pulchritudinous: characterized by or having great physical beauty or appeal. Example – Megan fox has a very pulchritudinous ass, which I would like to sink my teeth into(literally).

    Thanks for the new word James.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      You’re very welcome.

      Reply
  9. Damilarey

    I’m fully believed that Fernando’s glitering goal scoring form will be revitalised/resurrect with the Arsenal style of play & he will be a massive signing for us football-wise.
    Tahnks.

    Reply
  10. Bri

    Torres in an Arsenal shirt? Possibly, but Rooney??? No today (or any other day) thankyou!

    Reply
  11. Faizel

    I do not think that we are in for Higuain.We would probably get some unknown player.As for Torres I think he would be a great buy.He is a proven Premiership player and would suit us perfectly

    Reply
  12. Kelly

    Torres might fit in with Arsenal, but then again we do not need a ‘might’ work’ or ‘with time Wenger will make him great’ story that is what Giroud is there for. Rooney is a joke and the longer Higuain story takes the more and more I do not believe it. I know the window opened today but are we the only club that has let this stop us from signing people? I really hope not. There clearing of ‘deadwood’ has been extremely positive and I have no idea who we going to get all I hope is that it makes for a great team.

    Reply
  13. Pitch

    I think the Torres of old is gone forever so wouldn’t like to see him at Arsenal. It does sound like bollocks to me anyway. Something better happen soon, I’m going mad waiting. Here’s something with a south american feel to it for the higuana (to the tune of la cucaracha):

    The Hig-u-ana, the Hig-u-ana
    He likes to play for the gunners
    He scores a goal-a, he scores a goal-a
    He’s a legend for the Arse

    Enjoy the weekend in Devon!

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Like that. Vey catchy! It’s stuck in my head now.

      Reply
  14. Ade

    Caught you on Le Grove. Will come back daily.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Cheers Ade!

      Reply
  15. Seaver

    It was good seeing you at Le Grove this morning.

    Reply
  16. kelsey

    Hi James.

    just saw your guest post.you are a brave man 🙂

    Have you read our blog today ? Don’t rule it out.

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      I can’t see it personally, but stranger things have happened!

      Reply

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