The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Wilshere and Alexis Impress, Arsenal Draw, Ozil Gets Abuse.

Mesut greats the haters.

Morning, folks.

That was a very good game of football we witnessed yesterday. It ebbed, it flowed, chances were created, goals were scored. Had I been watching from a neutral’s perspective, I would have enjoyed it immensely.

Of course, I’m an Arsenal fan so I enjoyed certain moments of the game immeasurably, only to be left ruing blunders and avoidable concessions in others. Whilst 2-2 against a side of City’s calibre isn’t anything remotely like a terrible result, I can’t help feeling we could have gotten better. That said; City’s supporters could quite easily make the same claim, and taking everything into account a draw was a fair outcome.

By now, you’ll have all seen at least highlights of the game, read a report or have been told what happens so a brief recollection of the main events strikes me as a little pointless (I never report the game’s moments, but feel the need to explain why on occasion.). Instead, I shall discuss a few of the players that received praise/abuse.  Continue reading

Manchester City Starting XI (Predicted), Thoughts And News.

Things happen…

Morning, all

Last season’s performances have made me dread 12:45 kick-offs. For whatever reason, Arsenal played some enormous games occupying the top spot at that time and proceeded to fabulously capitulate. I shan’t go in any detail. Like me, I’m sure the horrors witnessed during those away trips is burnt into your mind for all of time.

For that reason, amongst others, I’m rather glad today’s match is at the Emirates. Not just because we’ll have our vociferous home support to act as the much-fabled ’12th man’, but because the levels of terror rumbling inside my midriff is considerably less than it would be had Arsenal been travelling.

Either way, though, today is a stern test of our credentials. On paper, I consider City to have the strongest squad in the league – you could argue that Chelsea aren’t a million miles behind, but I’d sooner wallow in my own sh*t for a fortnight than offer those dubious scumbags any form of credit.  Continue reading

The Return Of Theo, Bargain Basement Welbeck And James’ Moaning.

“Come on, Sky, turn up at a respectable hour…”

Morning, delightful Earth creatures.

The theme of today’s post is very much waiting. Having recently re-located from Bristol to Gloucester, waiting has very much taken over my life. Previously I’ve waited for large companies such as BT and IKEA to complete relatively straight forward deliveries, only to see them fu*k things up quite spectacularly – our Swedish friends conspired to not actually turn up at all on the day they stated, whilst BT were 4 hours late. Today is the turn of Sky TV’s installation team.

Will they rise from the doldrums like an incandescent Phoenix of professionalism and manage to do as promised, or flounder in a manner similar to their established, gargantuan brethren? Today I’ll find out, and I’m already certain at this hour I’ll have to wait a considerable amount of time in order to do so.

Elsewhere, my morning consists of making phone calls – more waiting – signing up for a Red membership with Arsenal thanks to the reminders of an admirably persistent Joktopus – the same Joktopus who wrote this excellent piece about our perceived issues in defence – and shambling about my new home in just my pants. Continue reading

Santi Cazorla’s Selection Of Magnificent Biscuits.

“Get yer Hob Nobs, dunkable goodness in a pack of 3″

Morning, folks.

All through the summer I had little time to blog because of the rigmarole associated with moving house. Such things eat relentlessly away at your every waking moment and often involve dealing with stubbornly idiotic folk seemingly hell-bent on causing difficulty. I know if my friend, The Joktopus, is reading this he’ll agree, as will Daniel Cowan. Some of you most probably will also. The whole process is stressful and immeasurably infuriating from start to finish.

Now that it is all firmly behind me, I can put aside time to write this here mess of mine. The only slight problem is I’ve opted to return at a time little or nothing of any interest is happening out there in the wonderful world of Arsenal.

So where to begin? Well, those of you who pop by with regularity will know no subject is off limits here. I was considering searching the news outlets, but even with the window shut for a week, they are still churning out transfer stories. So what remains? Something customarily idiotic, that’s what. Continue reading

Wojciech Szczesny Doesn’t Have Any Friends…

“I have at least two friends”

Morning, you scrumptious little rascals.

Welcome to glorious Sunday morning – a morning in which I’m afforded the luxury of not working. Once this post is completed, the joys of trudging around various home improvement outlets awaits me. I’m looking to treat myself to a decorative plant of some description. Yes, folks – my life is THAT crazy.

With that hedonistic pursuit in mind, proceedings will be kept to a minimum today as the throes of excitement truly have me overwhelmed. I’m picturing what lies ahead right now; the tension of selecting the correct decorative plant that turns to sweet joy once the correct choice is made; the ecstasy of queuing for payment; the haunting beauty of wrestling with a f**king plant as I attempt to fit it in the boot of my car; the startled passers-by mumbling with disapproval as I pepper the air with obscenities; the list of delights is endless.

However, now is the time reserved for Arsenal chatter, so it is precisely that I shall serve.  Continue reading

Yepes On A Free Transfer And Other Bits ‘N’ Bobs.

“Bullsh*t stories go to that department”

Morning, folks.

There was no post yesterday because it was my birthday and I was forced into working on a day usually reserved for celebration. Cruelly, I might add. In fact, it’s tantamount to abuse as far as I’m concerned. Truth be told, I woke up scandalously late and missed the allotted period of time for delicious scribing.

You may berate me for this.

Because of international friendlies, there’s a whole host of spurious bilge floating around out there in cyberspace. Stories it’s easy to envisage were created by arbitrarily selecting players currently available on a free transfer and linking them with a move to Arsenal. Colombia’s Mario Yepes being the most jarringly example. Journalists the world over erupted with relief when they discovered that fact. Continue reading

The Danny Welbeck Signing; Taking Stock.

Morning, folks.

As I ordinarily do, I’m writing this the night before publication. Quite why I feel the need to inform you of a regularity is beyond me, but I’ve started typing and can’t be arsed to go back and begin afresh.

Pointless opening.

Start again.

Morning, folks!

I watched the England game last night. I was not impressed. International friendlies are comfortably the most pointless creation the human race has ever masterminded. They serve little purpose other than to ensure we watch through eyes squinted and with gritted teeth in the fear one of our players will be scythed in half by an overly eager opponent. The games tend to be about as entertaining as walking into a police station and loudly exclaiming, “There’s 200oz of heroin in my bottom, who wants to look first?!”. In short; they suck, and they suck enormously.  Continue reading