The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Arteta’s New Contract, Gabriel Finally Signs And CAPITALS Point The Way.

New signing, bloody awful haircut.

Morning, folks.

During what was a lengthy shift at his workplace yesterday, James grew increasingly weary and begun allowing his mind to wander. Because of this, James took to asking peculiar questions on Twitter to alleviate some of the boredom gainful employment invariably produces and, hopefully, initiate some belly chuckles. It proved succesful. James has a weird sense of humour.

The reason James is referring to himself in the third person is simple; James does it in honour of our newly confirmed signing, Gabriel – James also discovered yesterday that it’s incorrect to use the suffix ‘Paulista’ as that directly refers to his upbringing/team. Thank you to Martijn Stolze for pointing this out to James.

James is going to stop all this foolishness now.

During his first interview on the official Arsenal site, Gabriel himself used the dreaded third person, and in a truly hilarious moment, I’m sure we’ll all agree, I decided to do so myself. Yes – I know it is a work of unadulterated satirical genius… Continue reading

Flamini, Arteta, Ramsey, Spurs and Reasons To be Cheerful.

Mesut was left awe-struck by Welbeck’s fabulous dummy.

Morning, folks.

The weekend proved something of a hectic event for me. Not hectic in the sense that enjoyable, hedonistic pursuits were enjoyed. Alas, no. It was a filled to the brim with work and other irksome undertakings that impinged upon my ability to write for you.

Whilst many of you will have attended the game or watched in the comfort of your homes, my observations came courtesy of the Sky App on my friend’s phone, an unpredictable internet connection at work and no small measure of disregard for my duties. Once the derby was underway, my productivity dropped to such an extent I might as well not have been at work at all – some might argue there isn’t much difference from normality there….

Two days on, my feelings still remain a mixed bag. Here’s a few examples of the good points and the bad as I saw them. Continue reading

Arteta, The Ox and Arsene, Post-Liverpool Fury and Two Refuse Deals.

The players now feared half-time…

Morning, folks.

As you all probably know, much of the furious anger at Saturday’s defeat is yet to subside. It’s a minefield out there, folks. You need only once inadvertently say the wrong thing – usually positive – to have the combined wrath of Twitter fall upon you.

I wouldn’t really want to dispute with anyone about their right to be angry. God knows, I’m angry. We lost in the most pathetic way imaginable in a game that was of huge significance. Had we taken a moment to envisage the worst case scenario before kick-off, the thoughts and views conjured would probably bare striking resemblance to that which occurred. ┬áIt was an altogether sh*tty day – compounded for me by a startling shaving error that┬áresulted in the need to remove the vast majority of my beard. Continue reading

Monreal, Ozil, The Flame and Arteta; Bitterness in the Face of a Crippling… Errr…. Draw.

Giroud celebrates with Cazorla. I have no idea what he’s trying to do…

Morning folks.

Before I get into my review of the game, I feel it’s best to start by complimenting our opponents. Arsenal were undeniably poor last night, but that shouldn’t be used as a way of describing the result when Southampton acquitted themselves admirably. From the kick-off, they hassled and pressured and imposed their own passing game on us once they gained possession.

In Adam Lallana and Luke Shaw they have 2 of the best prospects in the Premiership and they’ll do well to hold on to either. When the big boys come waving their cheque books, it’ll be a great shame to see such a good side dismantled, but such is the modern game. I genuinely believe Southampton could push for one or two honours if they can keep the nucleus of their squad intact.

In the first half, Arsenal were woefully abject. We’ve hardly fired on all cylinders at times this season, but have always shown enough in the important moments to rightfully get results. Yesterday evening we floundered and could quite easily have found ourselves trailing by a greater margin at the break were it not for fortune and some excellent defending from Koscielny. Continue reading

Giroud hatred, Striker in January, Vermealen, Ozil and a snore of a no-score draw.


Morning, delicious creatures.

Yesterday was a frustrating day. I don’t know what the weather severity was like in your corner of the globe (that doesn’t make sense) , but here in glorious Bristol it was awful. Most of my day was taken up with Christmas shopping in a perpetually sodden state and sitting at home in the warm certain the noise outside my house was a f**king 747 flying 20 feet above the roof.

I had hoped for The Arsenal to provide some salvation and boost my spirits heading into the period of forced festivity and faux jocundity. Alas, they did not. Much like the rest of the day, it was frustrating. Having spent a few hours or so having a think about the game, I’m still left with an overwhelming sense of disappointment. Continue reading

Arteta appeals, bigger tests to come and areas of mild concern.

“Out of order? This whole FA appeal hearing is out of order!”

Morning, delicious readers.

It’s a lovely Monday. Here is Bristol we’ve had storms and other such crazy weather conditions. As I type, it sounds as if two teenage tornados are having sex on my roof, and both are particularly enthusiastic participants. At any moment, I fully expect either a whole tree or the house across the street to come crashing through my window.

Yet, with all the madness outside, locked away in the cosy confines of home I still feel compelled to take these moments to peruse the various sources at my disposal. Perhaps I should be erecting some form of impenetrable fortress around my bed out of cereal boxes and cheese, but I’ve neither the time or the inclination. I shall have to hope Mother Nature and I are on good terms. Continue reading

Aston Villa (h): preview, news and predicted starting XI

Aaron Ramsey was sick of people yelling “freeze!!”.

Morning, folks.

Can you smell that? That’s the sweet smell of football returning. Take a moment to inhale and savour… It feels like an eternity since it was last here.

The summer may not have gone exactly as we’d hoped (understatement) and it’s a great pity I am unable to discuss the merits of a few new signings, and the impact they might have had on the team. We’ve got Yaya Sanogo, and through no fault of the young Frenchman’s, he already been very unfairly dismissed as “not enough” or “another injury-prine bargain buy”.

Today, it’s the time to put all that to one side – at least for 90 minutes. Some will feel the need to vent their frustrations at Arsene Wenger, and there has been the odd claim from fans that abusive songs will be directed towards the Boss. Personally, I can’t see how any of that is worth the effort. Yes – I agree with anyone who is disappointed and frustrated, but let’s support the team today. It’s the first day of the season, there’s a clean slate. Save the booing and discontent for later…

Injury wise, we have quite a few key figures on the sidelines. Mikel Arteta will miss 4-6 weeks having very recently sustained a thigh injury. Captain Vermaelen and Nacho Monreal both are unfit and Abou Diaby has defied the odds to make an incredible recovery from fitness to take his starting place in the treatment room.

Santi Cazorla returned from Ecuador on Thursday having played a significant chunk of Spain’s friendly, and it’s uncertain wether he will play from the start. At the back, the four players that served us so well and the end of last season will start, with Per Mertesacker taking the captaincy.

My predictions is:

It’s imperative we get off to a good start today. On paper, that’s a team that should comfortable dispatch Villa on our own turf. If we can retain the solid defensive performances of last season, and Ramsey can slot in to Arteta’s place with the same positional discipline, I see no reason why we won’t create chances and score goals today.

Giroud has had a good pre-season, and I’ll be looking for him to press on and have an excellent sophomore season. Our one new signing, Sanogo, will have a place on the bench today and could make his debut at some point. He might even come on to score a late double…. *ducks for cover*

That’s all for today, folks. Wherever you may be, enjoy the game, and embrace the return of football. Let’s be having a delicious 3 points today and a fine performance from the boys. We could use something positive to discuss. Leave me a comment below with your thoughts on the team for today, and what you think the final score will be.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.