The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Ozil, Giroud, Cazorla, Gabriel, Akpom And Comfortable Progression.

Giroud’s classy finish

Morning, folks.

Sometimes, I don’t get the chance to watch games in their entirety. The perils and unsociable nature of my gainful employment are such that I’m at my busiest when Arsenal kick-off. Yesterday was an extremely good example of this; I missed the majority of the first have and caught fleeting glimpses of the second.

Writing a match review under such circumstances can be troublesome, so I find myself lurking around the internet hoping to find lengthy highlights. Then I’ve got to find the time to watch them, then get the time to write…

I’m rambling.

Point is, I even though it’s a chore, I make the effort.

*Cue rapturous applause, ticker-tape descending from the skies, shrieks of female adulation and appreciative nods from my peers at the unfathomable, glorious sacrifice I make to bring this drivel to you every day*

So….. The Arsenal. Continue reading

Santi Cazorla or Mesut Ozil Centrally? Favourites For The FA Cup?

A trinket available in May.

Morning, folks.

I’m writing this post to you last night. I’ve just finished watching Gone Girl (which is darkly, unsettlingly brilliant) in enough time to see Philippe Coutinho curl a winner for Liverpool at Bolton in the final minutes of the game (which was darkly, unsettlingly brilliant). Brendan Rodgers is currently goose-stepping manically about his technical area in celebration as that horrendous beak on his face disrupts the Earth’s gravity. The massive c*nt.

The FA Cup, aye…

Few could dispute England’s most traditional competition represents our most likey avenue for success. With the shocks of the previous round reverberating throughout the land, Arsenal find themselves in a position where the competition now appears jarringly winnable.

However, this will be a sentiment shared by both Liverpool and Manchester United. Louis van Gaal may look like a poorly inflated corpse, but he is not known for his modesty – he rarely does anything other than bleat out of his asre about how oh-so bloody wonderful he is, so, doubtless to say, he fancies his side’s chances.  Continue reading

Glorious, Superb, Fantastic, Unbridled Ecstasy, We’ll Just Forget The First 10 Minutes….

2014 Winners.

Afternoon, folks.

In my 35 years of residency on planet Earth, I’ve never suffered with migraines.          Like the rest of you, most probably, I assumed they we’re just a really bad headache. The past week, mainly due to a combination of heat, stress and fatigue, I’ve begun having them. They are not like a really bad headache, nope; they’re far, far worse.

I watched the game in a bustling Bristol centre yesterday in sweltering heat with a very large turn out of Gooners and regretfully had to cut the celebrations short due to my pounding cranium. However, the pain it caused me to be in such a vociferous and jocund environment was worth it in each and every way conceivable.

Apart from the opening 10 minutes of the game.

Up until Santi Cazorla thundered in that fabulous free-kick on 17 minutes, I don’t think I’ve ever felt the hope and enthusiasm drain out of me faster. Genuinely, I was stood jaw agape wondering if what was occurring in front of me was actually happening or just a work of the evils that occupy my mind. Continue reading

Mega Contracts Ahoy; Ramsey, Cazorla, Zelalem and Maybe Koscielny.

Great, but what about Sagna?

Morning, folks.

Yesterday, like a bolt from the blue, there was joyous news. Not entirely unexpected enough to warrant my use of the phrase “bolt from the blue” but a pleasant surprise nonetheless. It was confirmed by Arsenal that both Aaron Ramsey and Santi Cazolra have signed extensions to their current deals and youngster Gedion Zelalem has signed his first professional contract with Arsenal.

Great news. Superb. Wonderful. Awesome and a whole plethora of superlatives I’m, quite frankly, not inclined to list any further.

It get even better when you consider that there is a lot of talk flying around about Laurent Koscielny also eager to put pen to paper on a improved contract. Continue reading

Arsenal Lose Battle to Sign Magnificent Startlet as Cat Explodes and Weather Worsens.

“I’m sorry, come again…”

Afternoon folks.

Apologies for the lateness of today’s entry. Many things have conspired together to prevent my usually punctual posts. To list the many reasons would be pointless. I could, but I’m not going to. Suffice to say I have my reasons, none of which are especially valid.

News today is a baffling bunch of balderdash and delight. Most of what you read is utter tripe. It’s the silly headlines that are designed to lure you in that get me. We all know what’s on the other side of that link is likely to be complete lies, yet we still click away regardless. I’m as guilty as anyone of this, only to find the link takes me to Caught Offside, meaning I have to very sharply exit that site and then head to the shower to wash away any particles of tripe I may have been infected with.

I purposely used one of those headlines for my title today, albeit an incredibly stupid variety of that which I lament. Why? Continue reading

van Persie returns, Mourinho’s Snide Blathering and Early Liverpool Bits.

News explosion!

Morning, folks.

Yesterday there was an eruption. It was an explosion of news and most of it was of the silly variety. There were no fabulous moments of blinding clarity or life-affirming statements from ethereal creatures ordained by god to share their message of enlightenment. This is the world of Arsenal on the internet; it was mostly balderdash and stuff that irritates.

We’ll deal with the balderdash first.

You know those folks who claim to have insider knowledge and say things like:

“I’ve got huge news about Arsenal. Will tell you all in 3 days. It’s a mega exclusive.”

They get right up my arse. They really do. I know, I know – allowing anything that’s said online to wind you up is essentially an act of monumental futility. Where possible I try to just ignore it, but sometimes I can’t. Continue reading

Monreal, Ozil, The Flame and Arteta; Bitterness in the Face of a Crippling… Errr…. Draw.

Giroud celebrates with Cazorla. I have no idea what he’s trying to do…

Morning folks.

Before I get into my review of the game, I feel it’s best to start by complimenting our opponents. Arsenal were undeniably poor last night, but that shouldn’t be used as a way of describing the result when Southampton acquitted themselves admirably. From the kick-off, they hassled and pressured and imposed their own passing game on us once they gained possession.

In Adam Lallana and Luke Shaw they have 2 of the best prospects in the Premiership and they’ll do well to hold on to either. When the big boys come waving their cheque books, it’ll be a great shame to see such a good side dismantled, but such is the modern game. I genuinely believe Southampton could push for one or two honours if they can keep the nucleus of their squad intact.

In the first half, Arsenal were woefully abject. We’ve hardly fired on all cylinders at times this season, but have always shown enough in the important moments to rightfully get results. Yesterday evening we floundered and could quite easily have found ourselves trailing by a greater margin at the break were it not for fortune and some excellent defending from Koscielny. Continue reading