The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Glorious, Superb, Fantastic, Unbridled Ecstasy, We’ll Just Forget The First 10 Minutes….

2014 Winners.

Afternoon, folks.

In my 35 years of residency on planet Earth, I’ve never suffered with migraines.          Like the rest of you, most probably, I assumed they we’re just a really bad headache. The past week, mainly due to a combination of heat, stress and fatigue, I’ve begun having them. They are not like a really bad headache, nope; they’re far, far worse.

I watched the game in a bustling Bristol centre yesterday in sweltering heat with a very large turn out of Gooners and regretfully had to cut the celebrations short due to my pounding cranium. However, the pain it caused me to be in such a vociferous and jocund environment was worth it in each and every way conceivable.

Apart from the opening 10 minutes of the game.

Up until Santi Cazorla thundered in that fabulous free-kick on 17 minutes, I don’t think I’ve ever felt the hope and enthusiasm drain out of me faster. Genuinely, I was stood jaw agape wondering if what was occurring in front of me was actually happening or just a work of the evils that occupy my mind. Continue reading

Mega Contracts Ahoy; Ramsey, Cazorla, Zelalem and Maybe Koscielny.

Great, but what about Sagna?

Morning, folks.

Yesterday, like a bolt from the blue, there was joyous news. Not entirely unexpected enough to warrant my use of the phrase “bolt from the blue” but a pleasant surprise nonetheless. It was confirmed by Arsenal that both Aaron Ramsey and Santi Cazolra have signed extensions to their current deals and youngster Gedion Zelalem has signed his first professional contract with Arsenal.

Great news. Superb. Wonderful. Awesome and a whole plethora of superlatives I’m, quite frankly, not inclined to list any further.

It get even better when you consider that there is a lot of talk flying around about Laurent Koscielny also eager to put pen to paper on a improved contract. Continue reading

Arsenal Lose Battle to Sign Magnificent Startlet as Cat Explodes and Weather Worsens.

“I’m sorry, come again…”

Afternoon folks.

Apologies for the lateness of today’s entry. Many things have conspired together to prevent my usually punctual posts. To list the many reasons would be pointless. I could, but I’m not going to. Suffice to say I have my reasons, none of which are especially valid.

News today is a baffling bunch of balderdash and delight. Most of what you read is utter tripe. It’s the silly headlines that are designed to lure you in that get me. We all know what’s on the other side of that link is likely to be complete lies, yet we still click away regardless. I’m as guilty as anyone of this, only to find the link takes me to Caught Offside, meaning I have to very sharply exit that site and then head to the shower to wash away any particles of tripe I may have been infected with.

I purposely used one of those headlines for my title today, albeit an incredibly stupid variety of that which I lament. Why? Continue reading

van Persie returns, Mourinho’s Snide Blathering and Early Liverpool Bits.

News explosion!

Morning, folks.

Yesterday there was an eruption. It was an explosion of news and most of it was of the silly variety. There were no fabulous moments of blinding clarity or life-affirming statements from ethereal creatures ordained by god to share their message of enlightenment. This is the world of Arsenal on the internet; it was mostly balderdash and stuff that irritates.

We’ll deal with the balderdash first.

You know those folks who claim to have insider knowledge and say things like:

“I’ve got huge news about Arsenal. Will tell you all in 3 days. It’s a mega exclusive.”

They get right up my arse. They really do. I know, I know – allowing anything that’s said online to wind you up is essentially an act of monumental futility. Where possible I try to just ignore it, but sometimes I can’t. Continue reading

Monreal, Ozil, The Flame and Arteta; Bitterness in the Face of a Crippling… Errr…. Draw.

Giroud celebrates with Cazorla. I have no idea what he’s trying to do…

Morning folks.

Before I get into my review of the game, I feel it’s best to start by complimenting our opponents. Arsenal were undeniably poor last night, but that shouldn’t be used as a way of describing the result when Southampton acquitted themselves admirably. From the kick-off, they hassled and pressured and imposed their own passing game on us once they gained possession.

In Adam Lallana and Luke Shaw they have 2 of the best prospects in the Premiership and they’ll do well to hold on to either. When the big boys come waving their cheque books, it’ll be a great shame to see such a good side dismantled, but such is the modern game. I genuinely believe Southampton could push for one or two honours if they can keep the nucleus of their squad intact.

In the first half, Arsenal were woefully abject. We’ve hardly fired on all cylinders at times this season, but have always shown enough in the important moments to rightfully get results. Yesterday evening we floundered and could quite easily have found ourselves trailing by a greater margin at the break were it not for fortune and some excellent defending from Koscielny. Continue reading

Cazorla, Ozil and Giroud; Onwards Arsenal March.

It was clear everyone wanted to be like Tomas Rosicky.

Morning, folks.

This isn’t going to be a particularly easy review for me to write. Ordinarily, I like to immerse myself in every aspect of the game – often watching again after the first live viewing. Today that’s going to be a little tricky. Having spent the vast majority of yesterday slaving over a hot stove, little or no time has been afforded to watch the 2-0 win over Fulham.

Since arriving home last night at 11.30pm, brief highlights scattered around the internet are the most I’ve been able to get my grubby paws on. From what I can muster, the performance was some distance from vintage, but the result was exactly what we wanted. Santi Cazorla appears to have rediscovered his shooting boots with a fine brace, and other than that there isn’t a whole lot to rave about. Continue reading

Super Tomas Rosicky, Gnabry, Cazorla, Smug Theo and 2-0 to the Arsenal.

Just in case The Spurs fans were unsure of the scoreline, Theo kindly helped remind them.

Morning folks.

Before I begin, let’s all collectively take a moment to bask in glory.

*inhales deeply*

Ahhh, the sweet smell of victory in the North London derby. Feels f**king great, doesn’t it. I have to admit that I was quite nervous during the hours that lead up to the game. Usually a sturdy and reliable organ, my bladder suffered from temporary weakness and most of my innards followed suit.  Before kick-off, my humble abode was a cacophony of curious gurgles of the stomach, feet thundering towards the lavatory and explosive flatulence.

However, as soon as that whistle blew and the game began, the tension disappeared. Spurs created very little. Aside from a reasonable chance for Eriksen and a prime example of Adebayor’s propensity for a bandy-legged lack of grace in the penalty area, our scummy visitors offered no threat. Continue reading