The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Crystal Palace, Premiership (h): Team News, Thoughts And Predicted Starting XI

Mikel points the way.

Afternoon, folks.

Having offered you two whole posts of Dyllan Munro’s inimitable madness today, I feel compelled to at least try to put something of my own into the swirling mess of cyberspace. Buoyed by the return of Premiership football, I’ve dispensed my floundering and felt scintillating enthusiasm wash over me. The past few months have been a farrago of irksome tasks and bureaucracy, coupled with no small measure of indolence on my part. Although moving to a new home – I move this Monday – will leave me bereft on an Internet connection for the first week, I shall endeavour to post when I can.

So, onto the football.

We go into the coming season with high hopes. Justifiably so. It seems almost an eternity since good will and excitement was as prevalent amongst the supporters of Arsenal. Alexis Sanchez is a genuinely fantastic signing, Chambers, Ospina and Debuchy look solid, professional additions to the defence and there’s still plenty of time for one or two more additions. The squad looks very healthy indeed. Continue reading

Cheerio, Vermaelen, Welcome Decent Replacement (Hopefully).

Damn those chiseled features…

Morning, all.

I’ve just completed a 16 hour shift at work. As my fingers dance across the keyboard and I gaze into the screen, delirium overwhelms me. I’m tired, boys ‘n’ girls, and when in such a state I tend to waffle, writing any old spew without thought or care for consequence.

Given those facts have been offered, I might humbly request your forgive what follows, it’s meandering nature and probable lack of anything cogent. As a matter of fact, perhaps you ought rejoice in my heroism, for I am putting mind and body on the line to produce this post for you.

*cue rapturous fanfare and ticker-tape”

Fu*k off, James…

News, now that’s something I’m sure you do want. Most of that, as far as my weak attempt at a search has produced, centres around the impending departure of Thomas Vermaelen… Continue reading

The One Defensive Midfield Entity Arsenal MUST Secure to Right All Wrongs.

Yes, he can truly eradicate all known errors….

Howdy!

I’m sure you’ve missed me. Perhaps some more than others. Perhaps others more than some. Perhaps no one at all. Perhaps I find myself now having completely sunk into a self-induced oblivion. Perhaps…

Regardless of that, with a bright new season approaching, I have decided now’s the time to get back into blogging. I’m a rejuvenated man, an arbiter elegantiarum (of sorts… Okay… not at all, but it sounds fancy and I like it) and here to do my absolute best to inform, entertain and bamboozle.

*cue rapturous fanfare and ticker-tape*

So let’s get down to business….

Having not been to my beloved Emirates for a criminally long time, I was able to head down over the past weekend and catch The Emirates Cup. Continue reading

2 Deals Announced. 2 Deals ‘Confirmed’. 2 Deals Without Base?

‘Two!”

Greetings, blog hungry masses.

Having worked what seems like an interminable amount, this bright, sunny morning in Bristol sees something of a rarity; a day off from the throes of a stifling kitchen on what is traditionally the busiest day of the year. There is a God of fortune and today he/she has decided to flash his/her beautiful smile at me.

With that, the opportunity has arisen for me to rise from a self-imposed doldrums and speak to you, the beautiful bastards of the Internet. With sincerity, I hope you’re all in fine fettle, basking in the glorious weather and generally in good health.

Platitudes aside, let’s get into some news.

It would appear that we are very close to securing a further two players in this summer’s transfer window, those players being Colombian stopper, David Ospina and Southampton’s highly rated right-back, Callum Chambers. Continue reading

Arseblog and Sparseblog.

Welcome to the Arse.

Evening, delicious lifeforms.

Seeing as James Rodriguez and I share a first name, I thought I’d give using the Colombian pronunciation a whirl. Turns out a Bristolian man referring to himself as ‘Ham-es’ comes across as a bit of a prick. Pity, becuase I quite liked the sound of it, it gave me an edge of mystery. ‘Ham-es’ ‘Raul’ Stokes is the kind of guy you can’t trust, a renegade, a nomadic, a sorcerer…. Or a bit of a prick…

I’ve not posted in a few days so I guess I should belatedly welcome Mathieu Debuchy having seen the French right-back complete his move to Arsenal. Welcome, may your days as a Gooner be rich with wondrous performances and great accomplishments.

Also, I guess I ought explain my absences. It’s difficult being the sole writer of a blog when you’ve many other things to attend to. How Andrew writes Arseblog every day without fail is beyond me. I assume he’s developed an X-Men-like mutation that enables him to suspend time and write blogs leisurely.  At present, my efforts are very much Sparseblog compared to Arseblog (I’m going to use that as the title). Continue reading

Delicious Khedira Goodness, Transfers And Grotesque Hamwiches.

The news came as a shock to even Sami…

Morning, folks.

There isn’t much in life that frightens me. Short of being cornered by a rag-tag bunch of militant clowns hell-bent on performing that annoying ‘look at my flower!’ trick, I walked this Earth free from terror. However, thanks to the bombshells dropped by a certain little Scottish urchin, I am now all too aware of the existences of Hamwiches.

For those of you blissfully unaware, the Hamwich is a stingingly hideous creation comprising of processed ham, cheese and breadcrumbs. Sculpted in the flames of Hades by The Desolate One himself, these repugnant things are readily available in your average supermarket. They disgust me to the very core of my being. The look of them alone is enough to evoke rampaging bouts of nausea, I daren’t consider the taste for fear of imploding altogether.

Look for yourself. Behold, the Hamwich! Continue reading

Sanchez and Debuchy Done? Not Until The Plump Female Harmonises…

Beautiful Brazil before the explosions…

Morning, folks.

It’s certainly been an eventful few hours…

Starting from an Arsenal perspective, we’ve had some exceedingly good news in the form of reports suggesting we’ve got our men; Mathieu Debuchy and Alexis Sanchez are imminent arrivals, Brilliant news. Awesome news. Fabulous news. But not quite yet fully confirmed news. Most of the stories use the phrase “very hopeful” and “supremely confident”…

We’ve seen deals like this implode at the last seconds – look at Willian to Spurs, for example – and I’m always wary of anything that doesn’t come with a picture of Arsene Wenger and the player holding a shirt together on the Club’s official site.  All signs certainly point to a high possibility, but anything that isn’t 100% could still blow up in our face.  I shan’t be joyously frolicking through any meadows just yet.  Continue reading