The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Flamini, Arteta, Ramsey, Spurs and Reasons To be Cheerful.

Mesut was left awe-struck by Welbeck’s fabulous dummy.

Morning, folks.

The weekend proved something of a hectic event for me. Not hectic in the sense that enjoyable, hedonistic pursuits were enjoyed. Alas, no. It was a filled to the brim with work and other irksome undertakings that impinged upon my ability to write for you.

Whilst many of you will have attended the game or watched in the comfort of your homes, my observations came courtesy of the Sky App on my friend’s phone, an unpredictable internet connection at work and no small measure of disregard for my duties. Once the derby was underway, my productivity dropped to such an extent I might as well not have been at work at all – some might argue there isn’t much difference from normality there….

Two days on, my feelings still remain a mixed bag. Here’s a few examples of the good points and the bad as I saw them. Continue reading

Diaby Is The Answer To All Our Troubles And Pilfering Stan Kroenke.

Smiling all the way to the bank…

Morning, folks.

Having just this moment completed the arduous trek from my home to Kwik Fit to drop off Clarence (Yes – I have a name for my car. Don’t judge me) it is with a sense of great accomplishment I throw myself into today’s entry.

Firstly, I should briefly cover Tuesday’s defeat in the Capital One Cup.

Given that it isn’t a competition that’s awash with glorious tradition and prestige, a small part of me doesn’t see it as the end of the world. If offered the choice to sacrifice progression in one competition in favour of others, I’d hazard a guess most wouldn’t be too slow to choose the COC. However, regardless of what you may feel about it, it is a very realistic chance of a day at Wembley and a shimmering trophy. For that reason, going out at such an early stage with a relative whimper disappoints.

During the game itself, there was a mixed selection of performances. Some of the younger/fringe players (Hayden, Bellerin, Ospina, Diaby) put in decent performances. Other more established members of the squad (Rosicky, Podolski) looked, to be quite frank here, bloody awful. Rosicky I can forgive a bad performance because of his verve and enthusiasm and the irregularity of them occurring. Podolski, on the other hand, I find hard to defend.  Continue reading

Manchester City Starting XI (Predicted), Thoughts And News.

Things happen…

Morning, all

Last season’s performances have made me dread 12:45 kick-offs. For whatever reason, Arsenal played some enormous games occupying the top spot at that time and proceeded to fabulously capitulate. I shan’t go in any detail. Like me, I’m sure the horrors witnessed during those away trips is burnt into your mind for all of time.

For that reason, amongst others, I’m rather glad today’s match is at the Emirates. Not just because we’ll have our vociferous home support to act as the much-fabled ’12th man’, but because the levels of terror rumbling inside my midriff is considerably less than it would be had Arsenal been travelling.

Either way, though, today is a stern test of our credentials. On paper, I consider City to have the strongest squad in the league – you could argue that Chelsea aren’t a million miles behind, but I’d sooner wallow in my own sh*t for a fortnight than offer those dubious scumbags any form of credit.  Continue reading

The Return Of Theo, Bargain Basement Welbeck And James’ Moaning.

“Come on, Sky, turn up at a respectable hour…”

Morning, delightful Earth creatures.

The theme of today’s post is very much waiting. Having recently re-located from Bristol to Gloucester, waiting has very much taken over my life. Previously I’ve waited for large companies such as BT and IKEA to complete relatively straight forward deliveries, only to see them fu*k things up quite spectacularly – our Swedish friends conspired to not actually turn up at all on the day they stated, whilst BT were 4 hours late. Today is the turn of Sky TV’s installation team.

Will they rise from the doldrums like an incandescent Phoenix of professionalism and manage to do as promised, or flounder in a manner similar to their established, gargantuan brethren? Today I’ll find out, and I’m already certain at this hour I’ll have to wait a considerable amount of time in order to do so.

Elsewhere, my morning consists of making phone calls – more waiting – signing up for a Red membership with Arsenal thanks to the reminders of an admirably persistent Joktopus – the same Joktopus who wrote this excellent piece about our perceived issues in defence – and shambling about my new home in just my pants. Continue reading

Santi Cazorla’s Selection Of Magnificent Biscuits.

“Get yer Hob Nobs, dunkable goodness in a pack of 3″

Morning, folks.

All through the summer I had little time to blog because of the rigmarole associated with moving house. Such things eat relentlessly away at your every waking moment and often involve dealing with stubbornly idiotic folk seemingly hell-bent on causing difficulty. I know if my friend, The Joktopus, is reading this he’ll agree, as will Daniel Cowan. Some of you most probably will also. The whole process is stressful and immeasurably infuriating from start to finish.

Now that it is all firmly behind me, I can put aside time to write this here mess of mine. The only slight problem is I’ve opted to return at a time little or nothing of any interest is happening out there in the wonderful world of Arsenal.

So where to begin? Well, those of you who pop by with regularity will know no subject is off limits here. I was considering searching the news outlets, but even with the window shut for a week, they are still churning out transfer stories. So what remains? Something customarily idiotic, that’s what. Continue reading

Wojciech Szczesny Doesn’t Have Any Friends…

“I have at least two friends”

Morning, you scrumptious little rascals.

Welcome to glorious Sunday morning – a morning in which I’m afforded the luxury of not working. Once this post is completed, the joys of trudging around various home improvement outlets awaits me. I’m looking to treat myself to a decorative plant of some description. Yes, folks – my life is THAT crazy.

With that hedonistic pursuit in mind, proceedings will be kept to a minimum today as the throes of excitement truly have me overwhelmed. I’m picturing what lies ahead right now; the tension of selecting the correct decorative plant that turns to sweet joy once the correct choice is made; the ecstasy of queuing for payment; the haunting beauty of wrestling with a f**king plant as I attempt to fit it in the boot of my car; the startled passers-by mumbling with disapproval as I pepper the air with obscenities; the list of delights is endless.

However, now is the time reserved for Arsenal chatter, so it is precisely that I shall serve.  Continue reading

The Danny Welbeck Signing; Taking Stock.

Morning, folks.

As I ordinarily do, I’m writing this the night before publication. Quite why I feel the need to inform you of a regularity is beyond me, but I’ve started typing and can’t be arsed to go back and begin afresh.

Pointless opening.

Start again.

Morning, folks!

I watched the England game last night. I was not impressed. International friendlies are comfortably the most pointless creation the human race has ever masterminded. They serve little purpose other than to ensure we watch through eyes squinted and with gritted teeth in the fear one of our players will be scythed in half by an overly eager opponent. The games tend to be about as entertaining as walking into a police station and loudly exclaiming, “There’s 200oz of heroin in my bottom, who wants to look first?!”. In short; they suck, and they suck enormously.  Continue reading