The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Arseblog and Sparseblog.

Welcome to the Arse.

Evening, delicious lifeforms.

Seeing as James Rodriguez and I share a first name, I thought I’d give using the Colombian pronunciation a whirl. Turns out a Bristolian man referring to himself as ‘Ham-es’ comes across as a bit of a prick. Pity, becuase I quite liked the sound of it, it gave me an edge of mystery. ‘Ham-es’ ‘Raul’ Stokes is the kind of guy you can’t trust, a renegade, a nomadic, a sorcerer…. Or a bit of a prick…

I’ve not posted in a few days so I guess I should belatedly welcome Mathieu Debuchy having seen the French right-back complete his move to Arsenal. Welcome, may your days as a Gooner be rich with wondrous performances and great accomplishments.

Also, I guess I ought explain my absences. It’s difficult being the sole writer of a blog when you’ve many other things to attend to. How Andrew writes Arseblog every day without fail is beyond me. I assume he’s developed an X-Men-like mutation that enables him to suspend time and write blogs leisurely.  At present, my efforts are very much Sparseblog compared to Arseblog (I’m going to use that as the title). Continue reading

Delicious Khedira Goodness, Transfers And Grotesque Hamwiches.

The news came as a shock to even Sami…

Morning, folks.

There isn’t much in life that frightens me. Short of being cornered by a rag-tag bunch of militant clowns hell-bent on performing that annoying ‘look at my flower!’ trick, I walked this Earth free from terror. However, thanks to the bombshells dropped by a certain little Scottish urchin, I am now all too aware of the existences of Hamwiches.

For those of you blissfully unaware, the Hamwich is a stingingly hideous creation comprising of processed ham, cheese and breadcrumbs. Sculpted in the flames of Hades by The Desolate One himself, these repugnant things are readily available in your average supermarket. They disgust me to the very core of my being. The look of them alone is enough to evoke rampaging bouts of nausea, I daren’t consider the taste for fear of imploding altogether.

Look for yourself. Behold, the Hamwich! Continue reading

Sanchez and Debuchy Done? Not Until The Plump Female Harmonises…

Beautiful Brazil before the explosions…

Morning, folks.

It’s certainly been an eventful few hours…

Starting from an Arsenal perspective, we’ve had some exceedingly good news in the form of reports suggesting we’ve got our men; Mathieu Debuchy and Alexis Sanchez are imminent arrivals, Brilliant news. Awesome news. Fabulous news. But not quite yet fully confirmed news. Most of the stories use the phrase “very hopeful” and “supremely confident”…

We’ve seen deals like this implode at the last seconds – look at Willian to Spurs, for example – and I’m always wary of anything that doesn’t come with a picture of Arsene Wenger and the player holding a shirt together on the Club’s official site.  All signs certainly point to a high possibility, but anything that isn’t 100% could still blow up in our face.  I shan’t be joyously frolicking through any meadows just yet.  Continue reading

The Dangers Of Alexis Sanchez And World Cup Wonderment.

Trapped, alone; it all got too much for Alexis Sanchez

Morning, delicious Earth creatures.

It’s nice to be back. As I always state when addressing you all after a prolonged absence; things have been hectic and troublesome for me in previous weeks. Such is the jarring regularity of irksome occurrences, my personal life has descended into an obstacle course in which I need every faculty at my disposal to avoid frequent bouts of madness and frustration. To cut a meandering story short; it has been a tough couple of weeks.

But, hey – you’re not here to read about my problems, nor do you particularly care. You fine folks are here to immerse yourself in Arsenal related offerings. Along with the World Cup, across the glorious Twitterverse much debate rages on about transfers. It’s always bloody transfers, isn’t it? Transfers, transfers, transfers. Bloody transfers. Even that word has become a little annoying, such is the regularity with which my peepers peruse stories of its ilk. Continue reading

I’m Not Going To Talk About Bloody Cesc Fabregas.


Evening, all.

At this time of year, I struggle. Not only do I work in a heaving kitchen in sweltering temperatures, but I also have to navigate the interminable dross plastered across cyberspace. Well… I say “have to” … I don’t have to do it at all. Should the feelings of irritation overwhelm me, I could go to a monastery and spend my days chanting into a wall to find inner peace.

I could…

However, I like blogging. It’s fun to me and the freedom to express whatever the hell I please without fear of censorship is glorious. When discussing Arsenal with you it’s pertinent to make mention of the latest news. Cesc Fabregas, seemingly unstoppably so, is the news at the moment. All the bloody news.  Continue reading

Cesc Fabregas On Twitter, Iggy Izalea, Quizzes, Jurassic Park And More!

An ‘L’ that indicates you should listen below…

Afternoon, folks.

There is so much Fabregas chitter-chatter out there. It’s practically all-consuming in its exposure to the masses. I defy any one of you to log into a sports website without seeing his furry face smiling back at. One second he’s returning to Arsenal, the next Chelsea, the next Man City and whichever else team the speculators can tenuously link him with.

I shan’t get into here because, quite frankly, I’m sick to death of the very mention of it at present. What I’ll do is point you towards the latest Goonersphere Podcast where we discuss the matter, amongst other things, in quite some detail. Continue reading

Arsenal Away Kit And Catching Up With The Goonersphere Podcast.

There it is, folks – in all its glorious wonder.

Assuming that picture does indeed contain a glimpse of the new away shirt, I’m quite taken by it. Enamoured, even. Yes – I really like it, I’ve just decided. Of course, you can never be sure of legitimacy these days. For all I know, that tweet contains a cheap knock-up and the real garment lays waiting for us in a secret, guarded location – the kind of location that has a surrounding moat filled with killer trout and laser beams that atomise anyone snooping around.

I guess now is a good time to apologise for my recent absence from blogging. There is a reason, you wonderful creatures – I’ve been busy with podcasts and such silliness. So, as I shall be returning tomorrow to have a look at the news, I’ll leave you with the fruit of my labours.

The most recent full length Goonersphere podcast – an end of season ‘alternative’ look at things where Daniel Cowan and I are joined by our nefarious pals Jokman and Kris Carpenter

Also, as a new initiative, Daniel and I have decided to occasionally release a ‘bitesize’ version of the podcast where we rattle through what ever news may have tickled our fancy.  It’s called Goonersphere Licked

That’s all for today, folks. There’s a handy comments section below in which you can discuss the new away shirt and give me a little feedback regarding the podcasts. Don’t be shy, tell me what you think.

As always; thanks for reading and listening, you beautiful bastards.