Wenger out! Sack the board! Murder the entire first team squad! Arsenal crisis!

Afternoon, you happy souls… Sunday was a bitter, bitter disappointment, wasn’t it? Of course that question is entirely rhetorical. The game was poor, with the exception of a select few, our performance was poor. Worst of all, worse than losing to bloody Manchester United is the current feeling I have…

How we beat Manchester United.

Afternoon, boys and girls. Tomorrow’s game is undoubtedly a hugely important one. We all remember that shambolic day in August where words like ‘humiliation’ and ‘woeful’ barely offered an apt description. To this day, I’ve been unable to watch even a second of the game itself. The club was in…

The bewlidering world of Theo Walcott.

Good evening, you sexually provocative bunch of rascals. It’s one of those days today. I could be watching ‘El Clasico’, but the sight of Cesc gleefully exchanging passes with Messi whilst skipping about the pitch like a Rabbit in a meadow invariably fills me with resentment. Coupled with the fact…

We need a transfer. Why aren’t we getting one?

Howdy, ladies and gentleman. News broke tonight of Newcastle’s success in signing Papiss Cisse for a reported £10m. It’s a good price for a talented and fairly prolific striker, and, worst of all, he was once flirting with the fringes of Arsene Wenger’s radar. At 26, he’s a couple of…

**Insert a succession of profanity here**

Morning, happy campers… Where to begin? Well, it’s fair to say the performance yesterday was nothing short of a shower of shit. Before I get into sharing the incandescent fury brewing within me, I’d like to offer a few words of praise for our conquerers Swansea; they performed magnificently and…

Something certain to cheer you up, Arsenal fans.

This is a photo of Big Ted – the bear I’ve had since birth – displaying more steely determination and desire in the tackle than the average member of Arsenal’s first team manages to exude in 90 minutes. He plays at full-back… Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Feel free…