The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Super, mega, gargantuan deal for a striker in January.

“i see bullsh*t on the horizon, approaching fast”

Morning, you lovely people, you.

Today I thought I’d plunge my grubby paws into that oh-so murky of realms; the January transfer window. Not entirely certain why I am bothering, mind you. It’s one enormous farrago of bilge and silliness out there, and the last thing we need is another idiot putting his two pennies worth into the melting pot. Of course, you all know that I am that idiot, so let’s proceed.

I’ve seen one of two rumours that piqued my curiousity. Let’s be honest here; we all know the vast majority of what we read regarding transfers is utter b*llocks, don’t we. Yet, we persist, and since we signed Mesut Ozil, we persist what that extra bit of hope of them actually coming to fruition. I’m no different. Like many that frequently state how mendacious it all is, I can’t help but have a look once in a while. Continue reading

Arsenal entice epic £75m trio of starlets in story that is completely untrue.

“Use the word ‘swoop’ one more damn time…”


With the international break an unwelcome and tedious affair, I’ve recently been at a loss for topics to discuss. There’s only so much of my ramblings the information-hungry amongst you can take, so in the interest of being a public servant – of sorts –  I’ve spared you that. However, I can’t stay away for long. Such is my affinity for this avenue of mine, absence only makes the heart grow fonder.

By now, you’ve probably read the title. I’ve seen a lot of similar ones about recently, and none of them are as honest as mine. I shan’t be including a made-up story to accompany it, as I’ve neither the time or the inclination to do so. However, it is a rather nice segway into what I’m intending to blather about; transfers. Continue reading

Arsenal aren’t going to enter the January transfer market, are they?

Football and money…

Good evening darlings!

Apologies for my prolonged hiatus. I’m sure you’ve all missed me during my bout of illness, and thanks for all the nice messages wishing me better. It was very much appreciated.

I thought I’d end my absence today by discussing the current January window. In a universe as sprawling and vast as the Goonersphere, you expect to see divided opinion. At the moment, when it comes to the potential for additions to the squad, that opinion is anything but. ITKs and AKBs usually found bickering and throwing snide comments at one another all seem to agree wholly on one point; Arsenal need to reinforce.

The trouble is, folks; I don’t think we will. Our manager has put the main priority on securing the futures of the players we have. That’s a good idea, but a good idea that doesn’t work alone. I’m happy we have tied down the likes of Chamberlian and Wilshere, but sorting their futures long-term doesn’t address the problems with the squad at present.

The reason for Arsene’s potential failure to enter the market is all too predictable. With such clamouring for new blood amongst pretty much everyone involved with Arsenal outside of the boardroom, our managers notorious stubborn side is going to rear its ugly head.  Arsene doesn’t like to bow to public pressure. does he?

Perhaps it’s all a smokescreen, this frustrating lack of action. For all I know, the scenes behind closed doors are of frenzied telephone activity and deals being put together with haste. By January the 31st, 2-3 fresh faces might be prancing around the turf at London Colney, and we’ll all be a quiver with anticipation. Perhaps…

Sounds unlikely, doesn’t it? I don’t see it happening. With Diaby and Rosicky back from injury, they’ll be heralded as new signings, and once again hope will be placed on the ability for them to remain fit for longer than 30 minutes. Walcott signing on the dotted line will be a welcome bit of news, but there needs to be more. There has to be more. Last January saw a similar need to reinforce, and that need was ignored. Our results didn’t coincidently fall off.

Hopefully, I’m wrong. I tend to be wrong quite often. However, the pessimist in me doesn’t see anything but the same outcome as last year.

What do you think? Do you think I’m talking nonsense, and your faith in Arsene investing some cash remains absolute? Or do you think I could be right, and us Gooners are likely to be disappointed? Let me know in the comments.

Bit of a rambling, nonsensical post this one…

I shall return with a substantial review of the Manchester City game tomorrow, and my temporary break is now over. I’m feeling much better, and I shall be posting regularly again. Until then, thanks for reading.

Arsene Wenger set to splash the cash in January. It’s all speculation, but will it happen?

Spend some f**king money?

Evening folks.

Arsenal aren’t in the best of shape at the present, are they? Wether it be yet another moribund performance on Tuesday evening, supporter unrest, or Premier League tips favouring our absence from Champions League football next season (barring a miraculous triumph in that competition) the world of the Gooner is far from illuminated with joy.

The answer would appear deliciously simple; open up the chequebook, throw a monstrous amount of money at new recruits, and all the problems will disappear. In reality, is it that simple? Nope, not by a long stretch.

I’ve thought about it quite a bit recently, all this chitter-chatter. It seems you can’t so much as browse the internet these days without coming across at least one story of an ex-player and how he thinks the Club should splurge all their money. Fans are just the same – me included.

When you actually give it a few moments of rational thought, you realise there’s nothing from our manager’s past that shows he’ll ever do something that drastic, as such a thing would be admitting defeat.

There’s not much I could say to back up  the idea of opting against transfers in January. Like many of you, I could name a few areas in which I believe Arsenal are screaming out for reinforcements. We could use a different option up front  (not bloody Gervinho) and a bit of healthy competition for Szczsney wouldn’t go amiss. To me, those things are glaringly obvious. To our manager, a man who knows immeasurably more than I could ever claim, we have, as he quite regularly claims, “the best squad of players he’s assembled”.

Arsene Wenger is not a man for knee-jerk reaction or bloated excursions into the transfer market. He’s a thinker; a calculated man who believes in resolution from within and purchasing at a value he deems appropriate. The louder the collective masses scream for world-beaters to enter the club on the back of ridiculous fees, the stronger his resolve is to search out those deals that make us all exclaim, “Jesus, that was an inspired signing”.

Perhaps it’s simply vanity on his part – as if going the same route as your Chelseas or your Manchester Citys is a dirty pursuit beneath a man of his stature. There are many ways you could view it, but the truth remians; if we have a budget of £70m to use in January, our manger is unlikely to use it. We may very well see incomings, we’ll probably see Thierry Henry back to give us something to smile about.

What we won’t see is anything drastic. Perhaps that’s a good things, perhaps it is not. As the pressure mounts, as the supporters turn on a man once above reproach, the more likely drastic action is the only course left for the Club. Arsenal without Arsene Wenger is no longer unthinkable. I’d be devastated if he left, but sometimes in life things fall apart after having once been magnificent. Sometimes change is needed.

Thats all for today, folks. Apologies for my recent absence – I’m working the big hours over December, but I’ll be blogging as much as is humanly possible. Take a moment to leave me a comment.

I shall return. Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

WAR CHEST! We’ve got £35m in January – will Arsene spend it?

Will he? Won’t he?

Evening beautiful people. It’s an icy Sunday night. Hooray…

If there is one phrase commonly used by journalists and authors of fiction across the football writing world that makes me chuckle, it’s ‘war chest’. “Manager ‘X’ has a war chest of £50m to spend”. I don’t know about you, but I’d imagine a war chest would contain things like Kanashlikovs and the Ebola virus – maybe some of those rocket launchers you see used against American helicopters in every war film post 1998. What I wouldn’t expect one to contain is funding to tempt Demba Ba away from Newcastle. It is a silly phrase.

Supposedly, our good manager has a significant amount of funds to splurge – love that word – on new, shiny recruits once we get into the wintery climes of January. Such information has widely been broadcast by the greater proportion of reputable Arsenal bloggers – including some who could legitimately claim to be ‘ITK’ – so I’m going to assume this tale is coated head to toe in delicious truth.

The question isn’t who we’ll spend it on. No, not at all. The matter of debate is wether or not Arsene will. Personally, I think such things depend entirely upon the state of affairs at the time. If we are looking rosy in the league, short on injuries, and finding the net on a regular basis; I doubt it will happen. However, if proceedings have taken a turn towards the lavatory, if half the squad is injured, and fan outrage is at new, uncharted highs; Arsene could very well be tempted to invest.

That investment is most likely to be in a forward position – especially given the absence of both Gervinho and, presumably, Chamakh to the ACON. The name currently being brandished about is Atletico Madrid’s, Adrian Lopez – a player similar to Walcott in terms of stalling on his contract. With Theo’s future still uncertain, and with the two aforementioned departures, a cut-price deal seems the most likely transfer we’ll see – if any.

I wouldn’t rule out the quick fix of another Henry loan, either. We all know our managers frugality. We can forget about battling it out with Chelsea and Man City for Radamel Falcao’s signature. But I’m okay with that. I love the fact we can pull of a signing like Cazorla for a price like £12m – that’s being intelligent with the cash at your disposal. Any idiot with an oligarch’s backing can throw money around playing real-life Football Manager.

To summarise; I belive we have a significant wedge of cash to spend, but we won’t. We won’t throw money around with joyful abandon. We’ll make moves for the players we want, for the prices we want. It’s not always a policy that works. Not securing a full-back at the same time last year cost us greatly. But it is our way, and we’ll have to hope that the mistakes of the previous campaign won’t be repeated.

That’s all for today, folks. I may not be about tomorrow to post as I’m stuck working all day, but I shall certainly return as soon as I can. The comments are below – let me know your hopes for the January window, and who you’d like to see come in.

Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

January brings a potential splurge of delicious transfers

My new favourite word.

Morning, folks.

It’s going to be another swift one today, I’m afraid; I’m still feeling like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. The dreaded man-flu still has its diabolical claws well and truly stuck in me.

Seeing as Arsenal news is fairly limited, and there are rumours abound of a vast and sprawling fortune – well, £35m – being available to Arsene, I thought I’d begin a discussion about where I think a bit of that cash should go. We all know Arsenal and our propensity for parsimonious financial dealing, so that amount could comfortabley get us three players in the market – we shouldn’t forget just how canny and shrewd our manager is.

New goalkeeper

It’s healthy to have competition, and I don’t think we really have any for the No1 spot. Szczsney knows, as do we, that when he’s fit the starting berth is essentially his. Mannone is a decent stop-gap at best, and Fabianski has blunderous leanings that we all know only too well. My knowledge of young, talented, available keepers is pretty woeful, but there must be a fine indivdual out there who’s up to the task. If not, then a bit of wily experience wouldn’t go amiss.

New striker

No, i’m not writing Giroud off, nor am I stating Walcott isn’t the answer. Personally, I think we need to add a bit of depth. Podolski is far better utilised on the left side of the attack. If we could bring in someone akin to Fernando Llorente, I’d be ecstatic. A player like that – an intent signing- would give the whole team a huge boost. We have some really good options upfront, I’m expecting Giroud to come on leaps and bounds now he’s showing signs of settling into the club. One more option, one more string to our bow would prevent us from gnawing our fingernails when those cursed winter injuries invariably kick in.

That’s all from me. I hand things over to you, delicious reader. The comments are below, and I hope to see some of your opinions in them – do you think the squad is perfectly fine, and that I’m a jackass? Do you agree we need additions, and, if so, who would be your ideal choice?

I look forward to reading some. Thanks for reading today, you beautiful bastards. I shall return tomorrow, hopefully minus a stuffy head and a desire to piss and moan about it.