Jack, Aaron, Mikel, Thomas, Andrey, Marouane and good news/bad news.

Afternoon, you wonderful people. What customarily is referred to as “Spursday” has brought forth with it a mixed bag of news and updates from the club. Worryingly, Mikel Arteta looks set to continue his absence against United of Manchester – as yet unconfirmed, but the news has appeared on many…

The bewlidering world of Theo Walcott.

Good evening, you sexually provocative bunch of rascals. It’s one of those days today. I could be watching ‘El Clasico’, but the sight of Cesc gleefully exchanging passes with Messi whilst skipping about the pitch like a Rabbit in a meadow invariably fills me with resentment. Coupled with the fact…

We need a transfer. Why aren’t we getting one?

Howdy, ladies and gentleman. News broke tonight of Newcastle’s success in signing Papiss Cisse for a reported £10m. It’s a good price for a talented and fairly prolific striker, and, worst of all, he was once flirting with the fringes of Arsene Wenger’s radar. At 26, he’s a couple of…

**Insert a succession of profanity here**

Morning, happy campers… Where to begin? Well, it’s fair to say the performance yesterday was nothing short of a shower of shit. Before I get into sharing the incandescent fury brewing within me, I’d like to offer a few words of praise for our conquerers Swansea; they performed magnificently and…

Something certain to cheer you up, Arsenal fans.

This is a photo of Big Ted – the bear I’ve had since birth – displaying more steely determination and desire in the tackle than the average member of Arsenal’s first team manages to exude in 90 minutes. He plays at full-back… Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Feel free…

Swansea preview, Arsenal miss out on Jadson and Twitter

Morning, lovelies. Let’s begin with what’s important – Swansea away – before I digress into rambling and moaning. With Spurs dropping points at home to a resilient Wolves (kudos to Frimpong for blowing kisses to the Spuds’ braindead fanbase), tomorrow’s game gives a welcome opportunity to shorten the gap between…

Can Arsenal catch Spurs?

Morning, folks. At present Spurs sit 9 points ahead of us in the table and are mounting a title challenge. Even typing that sentence has made me nauseous and yearn to vomit that abhorrent notion from the darkest recesses of my disturbed mind. It’s a repulsive notion. Having the mouthy…

Have Arsenal bid for Matias Suarez (?), Henry’s return is official and other bits of stuff

Hello everyone. How are you today? Is the weather as blustery and unpleasant in your place of residence as it is in mine? Now that I’ve returned and we’re all back on speaking terms, I’ll plough straight ahead into the latest transfer speculation. Yesterday saw the emergence of one of…