The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

The BFG And Koscielny Immense, Giroud A Bit Pants And Rosicky’s Howitzer Wins The Day.

Tim Sherwood displaying what a NLD victory means to the fans.

Morning, folks.

I shan’t lie to you; sitting through those 90 minutes wasn’t one of the more pleasurable experiences I’ve encountered as an Arsenal fan. Mercifully, for all their ‘heroic’ huffing and puffing, Tottenham Hotspur remain irredeemably bloody hopeless.

In many sectors of the media, yesterday’s performance will be branded as “hanging on” or “backs to the wall”. In all honesty; I can’t say I was especially comfortable throughout, nor was I particularly nervous. I resided in a state of football purgatory where my emotions cancelled each other out, leaving a stark, listless stare on my face as I awaited the jubilation of a confirmed result. When that moment arrived, glorious elation swept over me. There is little that feels as good as beating Tottenham.

It certainly wasn’t vintage Arsenal. Spurs were given too much to cling too when, but for Chamberlain’s profligacy, we would have had considerable distance between us and them on the scoreboard. Classing the team’s performance as “hanging on” might seem accurate, but it does warrant mentioning that the only two chances to score Spurs managed to get were gifted to them by Szczesny having one of his flappy days.¬† Continue reading

New Contracts For Everybody!! Well… Almost…

Signing your life away…

Morning, folks.

My absence yesterday was due to preparations for the latest Goonersphere Podcast, but luckily my little Scottish friend, Dyllan Munro, was on hand to fill in with with his unique brand of hilarity and unquenchable rage. Big thank you to Dyllan and be sure to keep an eye out as he will be guesting again for me in the future.

Right, without further ado; Arsenal stuff.

It seems there has been an explosion of news about contracts in recent weeks. Previously, much debate has raged between Arsenal fans surrounding the merits of Bacary Sagna and Arsene Wenger and their proposed extensions. Elsewhere, John Henry at Liverpool has opted to make public his bizarre admissions regarding the release clause that, according to his own words, did exist in Luis Suarez’s contract. Liverpool may have set an alarming precedence by choosing to completely ignore such a thing.

Any Suarez deal is a thing of the past and the chances of us purchasing him are long gone. Whilst not entirely legal as I understand, in an environment where players can force moves at their will there is a part of me that agrees with the stance taken by Liverpool; they didn’t wish to sell a vitally important player and simply chose not to do so. Continue reading

Arsenal Lose Battle to Sign Magnificent Startlet as Cat Explodes and Weather Worsens.

“I’m sorry, come again…”

Afternoon folks.

Apologies for the lateness of today’s entry. Many things have conspired together to prevent my usually punctual posts. To list the many reasons would be pointless. I could, but I’m not going to. Suffice to say I have my reasons, none of which are especially valid.

News today is a baffling bunch of balderdash and delight. Most of what you read is utter tripe. It’s the silly headlines that are designed to lure you in that get me. We all know what’s on the other side of that link is likely to be complete lies, yet we still click away regardless. I’m as guilty as anyone of this, only to find the link takes me to Caught Offside, meaning I have to very sharply exit that site and then head to the shower to wash away any particles of tripe I may have been infected with.

I purposely used one of those headlines for my title today, albeit an incredibly stupid variety of that which I lament. Why? Continue reading

Rosicky Stays, Jack, Mesut and the Moronic Minority of Stoke Fans.

Showing Stoke’s fans a simple math problem quickly rendered them completely baffled.

Morning, folks.

Ordinarily, Monday’s are a slow, slow news days. Today, there is quite a bit to talk about, so without any further ado I shall jump straight into it.

Tomas Rosicky, a player we’ve all come to love since his resurgence, is – or at least, should – be staying at Arsenal. Even though he’s 33-years-old and Arsene is known to be dubious about handing contracts to players of that age, but it would appear the manager is very keen to keep Tomas on at Arsenal. Arsene said: Continue reading

Giroud, Rosicky and Koscielny Administer Sunderland Walloping.

Celebrating a magical third.

Morning, folks.

This may well be the briefest match review you’ll read. Don’t hold it against me; I’m suffering with an astonishing lack of sleep and instead of heading to bed where I should be, I’m taking a few moments to ensure my run of posting every day in 2014 stays intact.

I’ve managed to see as much of the game as possible. Yesterday I worked a 12-hour shift and missed everything of the match as it occurred live – checking Twitter and live scores services whilst serving wedding food is extraordinarily tricky. It also tend to go down rather poorly with those expecting you to actually be performing the tasks you’ve been assigned. You’d think it was obvious where my priorities lie…

In order to keep things short, here’s a handy bullet-point list of a few things I managed to glean whilst checking around for footage of the game:

Continue reading

Tiny Italian fowards, Rosicky stays and the interminable wait for football.

“But pleeeaaaseee, I can’t wait until Monday”

Morning, folks.

News, news, news. There’s not a lot of news. I really don’t like Arsenal playing on a Monday. The extra little bit of rest afforded to the players is without doubt beneficial, but knowing the weekend will be filled with football action that doesn’t involve Arsenal bothers me. It feels like that moment as a child when you wake up on the 24th of December and think it’s Christmas Day, only be told you have to wait a little bit longer. Kinda…

As you might imagine, with time to kill, most fans and journalists have taken to conjuring tales of potential acquisitions. The latest name to be added to that little is diminutive winger/playmaker Sebastian Giovinco of Juventus. He’s another very good example of my limited knowledge of European football. Continue reading

Super Tomas Rosicky, Gnabry, Cazorla, Smug Theo and 2-0 to the Arsenal.

Just in case The Spurs fans were unsure of the scoreline, Theo kindly helped remind them.

Morning folks.

Before I begin, let’s all collectively take a moment to bask in glory.

*inhales deeply*

Ahhh, the sweet smell of victory in the North London derby. Feels f**king great, doesn’t it. I have to admit that I was quite nervous during the hours that lead up to the game. Usually a sturdy and reliable organ, my bladder suffered from temporary weakness and most of my innards followed suit. ¬†Before kick-off, my humble abode was a cacophony of curious gurgles of the stomach, feet thundering towards the lavatory and explosive flatulence.

However, as soon as that whistle blew and the game began, the tension disappeared. Spurs created very little. Aside from a reasonable chance for Eriksen and a prime example of Adebayor’s propensity for a bandy-legged lack of grace in the penalty area, our scummy visitors offered no threat. Continue reading