The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Podolski Stays, Pogba And Martinez Talk And Sagna Should Leave As Soon As Possible.

Lukas’ attempt at performing the ‘disco robot’ didn’t go as planned.

Afternoon, exquisite lifeforms.

Right, I’m almost entirely unsure how to begin today’s post. When situations like this arise, my solution is to simply start typing whatever comes into my head first. So here goes…

I remember vividly the first time I saw a pair of breasts; shapely, gleaming, full of mystical promise and heaving – they were unleashed before my eyes as if the questions of the universe and man’s existence had all been answered in that one, swift ceromonious removal of an item of clothing…

Okay…. That’s not entirely pertinent, is it. Try again, James… Continue reading

£100m To Spend: Where Do I Start, Where Do I Begin?

“Where do I begin?”

Morning, folks.

It was 1997 when Beth Orton’s hauntingly beautiful vocals lit up the Chemical Brothers track, ‘Where Do I Begin’. As I’m typing this post the night before you’ll read it, I’m listening to that very song. It’s such a fabulous song, both reminiscent of a time of hedonism for me but also oddly relevant to what I’m going to talk about with you today.

Transters. Ins and outs. Where do I begin?

Well, as I’m certain you’re all aware; anything you read is going to be enormous speculation. Yep – names will be thrown around and the percentage of truth to bullsh*t won’t exactly be on the favourable side. Such is the time we live in. So, becuase naming names is an exercise in futility, I shan’t bother.

Instead, delicious reader, I’m going to express my thoughts and the areas of the team I’d like to see strengthened. Continue reading

Last Chance Sagna And Flamini On Ozil.

BFFs have a cuddle.

Evening, folks.

Apologies for the lateness. I had originally planned today’s entry to be a new Goonersphere Podcast, but those pesky gremlins inherent to the programming of the matrix (…) have conspired to ruin our audio. All things going well, that’s a troublesome moment that will be rectified tomorrow.

So, instead, I figured it would be best to have a brief look at some news.  Since the beginning of the year my intent has been to ensure at least 1 post a day and that’s a record I intend on keeping intact.

Bacary Sagna’s contract still dominates a lot of discussions I come across. Continue reading

Arsenal Splash £100m, Sagna, Arsene And The Summer

They offered how much?

Howdy, peeps.

I hope this latest instalment of mine finds you well, nourished and enjoying life.  The weekend still lies on my memory. One thing I’ve often found as a Arsenal fan is that my general mood and enjoyment of daily activities is greatly diminished when the team lose. When they win, the opposite comes into play. Coupled with the joys of spring time, winning a NLD finds me the picture of ebullience today. I’m probably bloody irritating to be around, such is my chipper and spirited mood.

A lot of the talk in newsworld surrounds the summer. When all the hullabaloo dies down about the NLD – especially a certain Mickey Hazard’s hilarious comments accusing Sczsesny of attempting to start a riot by taking a picture on the field at White Hart Lane – things get back to a degree of normality. As the stories being blown out of rational proportion die out, they speculative ones emerge. Such is the nature of news, and Mickey Hazard, who, let’s be honest here, has always been a bit of a cry-baby. Continue reading

New Contracts For Everybody!! Well… Almost…

Signing your life away…

Morning, folks.

My absence yesterday was due to preparations for the latest Goonersphere Podcast, but luckily my little Scottish friend, Dyllan Munro, was on hand to fill in with with his unique brand of hilarity and unquenchable rage. Big thank you to Dyllan and be sure to keep an eye out as he will be guesting again for me in the future.

Right, without further ado; Arsenal stuff.

It seems there has been an explosion of news about contracts in recent weeks. Previously, much debate has raged between Arsenal fans surrounding the merits of Bacary Sagna and Arsene Wenger and their proposed extensions. Elsewhere, John Henry at Liverpool has opted to make public his bizarre admissions regarding the release clause that, according to his own words, did exist in Luis Suarez’s contract. Liverpool may have set an alarming precedence by choosing to completely ignore such a thing.

Any Suarez deal is a thing of the past and the chances of us purchasing him are long gone. Whilst not entirely legal as I understand, in an environment where players can force moves at their will there is a part of me that agrees with the stance taken by Liverpool; they didn’t wish to sell a vitally important player and simply chose not to do so. Continue reading

Arsenal Lose Battle to Sign Magnificent Startlet as Cat Explodes and Weather Worsens.

“I’m sorry, come again…”

Afternoon folks.

Apologies for the lateness of today’s entry. Many things have conspired together to prevent my usually punctual posts. To list the many reasons would be pointless. I could, but I’m not going to. Suffice to say I have my reasons, none of which are especially valid.

News today is a baffling bunch of balderdash and delight. Most of what you read is utter tripe. It’s the silly headlines that are designed to lure you in that get me. We all know what’s on the other side of that link is likely to be complete lies, yet we still click away regardless. I’m as guilty as anyone of this, only to find the link takes me to Caught Offside, meaning I have to very sharply exit that site and then head to the shower to wash away any particles of tripe I may have been infected with.

I purposely used one of those headlines for my title today, albeit an incredibly stupid variety of that which I lament. Why? Continue reading

Bacary Sagna’s New Contract.

Bacary can move the ball with the power of his mind.

Afternoon, folks.

I have a few moments spare today. Free time is often something of a rarity to such an extent that when some presents itself, I’m unsure what to do with it. Ordinarily, I might use these moments for something shockingly inappropriate or sleeping as I don’t do enough of that particular pursuit. Today, I thought I’d offer you up an extra special blog post. Well, a blog post.

Bacary Sagna will be a free agent in the summer as his contract is entering its final months. There is much debate and speculation around the sprawlingly diverse Goonerverse at present regarding wether or not giving him one is a good idea. I think it is, but I can also understand a few of the reasons some think it is not. Continue reading