Tag Archives: Transfers

Arsenal Unleash Transfer Kraken Into Starlet’s Magnificent Aura.

“Great title today, James”

Morning, folks.

Sorry I’ve not been with you for a couple of days. The weekend was manic and I’m currently selling/moving house. All things that could have possibly conspired together to obliterate my free time have done so. The figure that sits behind his keyboard typing away is not bright-eyed and and bushy-tailed, but a shambling wretch of a man desperately in need of sleep.

Nevertheless, because I love you all so much I shall proceed.

Since I spoke to you last we’ve had the warming glow about our persons only a decent Arsenal performance can bring. Continue reading


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Kallstrom Fury, No Striker, Rage, Rage, and a Little Bit More Rage.

The signing of Kim Kallstrom didn’t impress many…

Morning, folks.

He’s here! The man we’d been hoping for has arrived at the glistening gates of London Colney to grab our season by the scruff of the neck and take charge. Men want to be him, ladies want to be with him – he’s a globally recognised football brand, the apotheoisis of the modern game; it’s Kim Kallstrom!!

“Errr… Who, James?” 

Kim Kallstrom, you know, that fella who used to play at Lyon – was at Spartak Moscow before Arsenal ‘swooped’ for his services on loan.

“Never heard of him. Where the f**king f**k is Draxler? Wenger Out”

Alright, calm down. I was just being a bit silly. Truth be told, I’m only very vaguely familiar with Kallstrom.

Continue reading


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Draxler Delegations, Vucinic Terms Agreed, Transfer Deadline Madness.

Prepare yourself. Rumours are attacking from every direction.

Morning, folks.

Having stated yesterday that he was “hoping to have something to tell you” to the press regarding potential incomings, Arsene has inadvertently set the rumour mill into a white-hot state of chattering. With unfortunate injuries having come along at the most inopportune of moments, we need players – so they say – and there’s plenty of stories floating around the Goonerverse to have a look-see at.

One deal that might – MIGHT – have been done is a loan with Juventus for Mirko Vucinic. He’s a furry-faced centre forward who likes to put himself about a bit – not sexually, as far as I know – and is capable of coming into the side and making an impact. I don’t claim to know all that much about him as I’m not an aficionado of Serie A, but my extensive research – YouTube – leads me to believe he has the physical attributes and style of play to suit a move to the Premiership. It’s being reported mainly in Italy that the deal was agreed yesterday with the loan initially thought to be to Inter Milan having fallen through. There could be a decent element of truth to this.

But that’s the smaller of the stories. Continue reading


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Jonkers Conquers, Plonkers and Transfer Bonkers.

As London Colney exploded, it was clear there had been a huge misunderstanding.

 Morning, folks.

Today’s post will be cruelly short or mercifully brief depending on how you look at it. There’s a plethora of vapid tasks for me to undertake this morning and I’m afraid they are of pressing concern  - I must type with haste.

The main news is the recruitment of youth development coach Andries Jonker from German side Wolfsburg – the 51-year-old Dutchman worked there as assistant manager. Knowing precious little about our ‘new signing’ I did a little research and came up with the following points of interest:

  • He worked at Bayern and Barca alongside Louis van Gaal
  • He’s managed youth teams in Holland
  • His name opens many doors for horrific newspaper headlines
  • He’ll replace Liam Brady at the end of the season Continue reading


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Tiny Italian fowards, Rosicky stays and the interminable wait for football.

“But pleeeaaaseee, I can’t wait until Monday”

Morning, folks.

News, news, news. There’s not a lot of news. I really don’t like Arsenal playing on a Monday. The extra little bit of rest afforded to the players is without doubt beneficial, but knowing the weekend will be filled with football action that doesn’t involve Arsenal bothers me. It feels like that moment as a child when you wake up on the 24th of December and think it’s Christmas Day, only be told you have to wait a little bit longer. Kinda…

As you might imagine, with time to kill, most fans and journalists have taken to conjuring tales of potential acquisitions. The latest name to be added to that little is diminutive winger/playmaker Sebastian Giovinco of Juventus. He’s another very good example of my limited knowledge of European football. Continue reading


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BALLS: Theo Walcott faces 6 months on the sidelines.

See you next season, Theo. Get well soon.

Evening, boys ‘n’ girls.

I don’t usually dedicate posts to news as it happens, but this one felt like something in need of reporting. I’m sure you’ve all heard the bloody awful news of the injury to Theo Walcott’s knee that will see him out for the rest of the season and quite probably the World Cup in Brazil.

It’s a ruptured anterior cruciate ligament to his left knee sustained during Saturday’s 2-0 win over Spurs, and it’s a terrible shame. Having just regained a starting place in the team and getting regularly amongst the goals, Theo’s season has been cut short just when it started to show signs of great promise. From an Arsenal perspective – I’m not all that concerned about England – it means we carry on our push for the title without a player capable of scoring very important goals. Continue reading


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Berbatov, Morata, Diego Costa, transfer news and early Spurs talk.

The effect caused by the January Transfer Window could go either way…

Afternoon, folks.

It’s been a funny ol’ couple of days. Now that all the madness of ‘JamGate‘ seems have finally relented, I find myself dealing with an all too familiar sensation in its place; the January Transfer Window and all its associated balderdash. As sure as eggs is eggs; the minute the clock chimed 12am on New Year’s Eve, the fabrications, the mendacious stories and the furious clamouring for news began with a vengeance.

Arsene himself added fuel to the fire with his customary remarks about signing a ‘special’ player should one become available. Those words seen through distorted eyes mean there’s a plethora of options out there and it’s inevitable Arsenal will be signing someone, anyone, as long as they’re remotely well known and able to aid publicity.

So who are we allegedly after? Continue reading


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Mario Balotelli and friends. Giroud says “No” to new striker and happy NYE to one and all.

It became clear why Mario wasn’t welcome at AC Milan.

Afternoon, lovelies.

New Year’s Eve; the one day of the year in which you absolutely must go out amidst the jostling jocundity of pubs, bars and clubs and have a good time. You must go. You simply must. Even though prices are inflated and the average establishment has little or no breathing space having crammed in as many willing bodies as is humanly possible, you simply can’t miss out on the greatest night of the yea.


I loathe enforced NYE celebrations, and I’m not especially keen to spend the evening with maudlin folk intent upon blathering endlessly about promises they won’t keep for longer than a day. Unless there’s a phone call from Scarlet Johansson asking me to an exclusive party as her chaperone, I shall be avoiding it at all costs.

So what’s new today? Well… Not a great deal at present. NYE celebrations bring in 2014, and with that comes all the glory and falsification of the transfer window. Continue reading


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€8m striker on the way, Captain’s future and a big weekend of football.

David couldn’t choose what to watch from the endless stream of football.

Morning, you splendid little badgers.

You’ll be pleased to know my stomach has settled down and reached some semblance of normality today. No longer am I enduring any discomfort. Not today. In the interest of  keeping up my reputation as a f**king idiot, I shall use this reprieve to consume even further. It would be an opportunity wasted if I didn’t, wouldn’t it?

*goes downstairs to make coffee and pancakes*


Right, news time – time to trawl through all those sites out there and see what’s happening in the wonderful world of Arsenal. There’s a busy Premiership fixture list today. Manchester City will in all likelihood take our top spot away as they’ve a home fixture with lowly Crystal Palace. Short of something truly miraculous happening – Chamakh hat-trick anyone? – I can only see a home win, and an extremely comfortable one at that.  Having beaten Liverpool on Boxing Day, our Sky Blue rivals are building up a head of steam. Most people’s clear favourites for the title are thunderously acquiring results over Christmas. Continue reading


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Arsenal entice epic £75m trio of starlets in story that is completely untrue.

“Use the word ‘swoop’ one more damn time…”


With the international break an unwelcome and tedious affair, I’ve recently been at a loss for topics to discuss. There’s only so much of my ramblings the information-hungry amongst you can take, so in the interest of being a public servant – of sorts –  I’ve spared you that. However, I can’t stay away for long. Such is my affinity for this avenue of mine, absence only makes the heart grow fonder.

By now, you’ve probably read the title. I’ve seen a lot of similar ones about recently, and none of them are as honest as mine. I shan’t be including a made-up story to accompany it, as I’ve neither the time or the inclination to do so. However, it is a rather nice segway into what I’m intending to blather about; transfers. Continue reading


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