The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

How Is Arsenal’s Front Line Looking?

While the lack of a defensive midfielder and another centre-back is also an issue for Arsene Wenger, it’s no secret that Arsenal fans are still crying out for a 20+ goal a season striker to help turn this squad into genuine title contenders. But with the season now well underway, Gooners aren’t quite screaming from the rooftops about Wenger signing a new forward in January. The lack of depth in defence has been highlighted by the prospect of Laurent Koscielny spending some time on the sidelines, and the issue of a lack of a defensive midfielder remains as strong now as it has done for over a year.

So while Arsenal fans would still desperately love to see a Karim Benzema or a Klaas-Jan Huntelaar walk through the Emirates doors in January, they’d probably be happier to see a Mats Hummels or a Sami Khedira-type signing for the club. The deadline day arrival of Danny Welbeck more than made-up for the loss of Olivier Giroud to injury, and the England striker has so far more than taken his chance to impress the Arsenal fans. While the loss of Giroud was a blow to Arsenal at the time, the arrival of Welbeck has given Arsenal’s offence a new dimension and possibly made them more dynamic. Continue reading

Arsenal Prepare To SWOOP For Player In STORY That Uses CAPITALS And Is Totally MADE UP

Crazy Twitter fingers send the news across the world…

Afternoon, folks.

We live in a world of misinformation. The past few days as I’ve traversed the tedious international break my beady eyes have noticed that Arsenal have “opened talks” with somewhere in the region of 20 players, if you believe that sort of thing. I do not.

In amongst that maelstrom of spurious dross there may lurk an iota of truth, one shred of legitimacy, which will forever be lost to us all. Often I liken such things to the frequency with which I spot large supermarket chains ensuring their own brand cereal has packing that, at a passing glance, appears similar to the more recognised brands – if you think you’re getting Kellogg’s at some unconscious level, you put the box in your trolley.

The same applies online these days. If you see a post with capitalised words and it reads as important, you’ll click away and be greeted with unsubstantiated drivel.

But hey, such is life… As a means of combating that you can always rely on me to post my own unique brand of dross. That’s what I’m here for, folks.

In a week that is so very quiet because of the international matches, there is little to discuss other than what ways I can gamble my money using my betting app or the squad and it’s interminable injury list. Joining what feels like an entire team is Mesut Ozil. Continue reading

The Return Of Theo, Bargain Basement Welbeck And James’ Moaning.

“Come on, Sky, turn up at a respectable hour…”

Morning, delightful Earth creatures.

The theme of today’s post is very much waiting. Having recently re-located from Bristol to Gloucester, waiting has very much taken over my life. Previously I’ve waited for large companies such as BT and IKEA to complete relatively straight forward deliveries, only to see them fu*k things up quite spectacularly – our Swedish friends conspired to not actually turn up at all on the day they stated, whilst BT were 4 hours late. Today is the turn of Sky TV’s installation team.

Will they rise from the doldrums like an incandescent Phoenix of professionalism and manage to do as promised, or flounder in a manner similar to their established, gargantuan brethren? Today I’ll find out, and I’m already certain at this hour I’ll have to wait a considerable amount of time in order to do so.

Elsewhere, my morning consists of making phone calls – more waiting – signing up for a Red membership with Arsenal thanks to the reminders of an admirably persistent Joktopus – the same Joktopus who wrote this excellent piece about our perceived issues in defence – and shambling about my new home in just my pants. Continue reading

Griezmann bid made, Podolksi crucial and other bits of stuff.

“Just be patient. The proper football isn’t far away now”

Morning, folks. I’m flabbergastingly tired today. I spend the wee hours of Friday night in the company of a delightful and enchanting female, and followed that with a day of editorial tinkering and writing on Saturday. This morning I am up early to write before I head off to the tedium of my gainful employment.

Before I get down to the nitty-gritty of dissecting today’s news, I thought now would be the opportune moment for further shameless whoring of The Goonersphere Podcast. Filled to capacity with prurient remarks and profane outbursts, this week’s show can also boast a fully-blown rap battle between Daniel and I. For that reason alone, I suggest you have a listen.

Click here to hear the Goonersphere Podcast.

So…News.

With so much clamouring for a new signing, reports suggest that Arsenal have made an attempt to sign one. Continue reading

Replacements for Theo and adding insult to injury.

From afar, people gathered to watch the Internet explode.

Morning, all.

Remember what I was saying yesterday about an unexpected and huge news story appearing out of the blue to give us something to talk about until Monday’s game at Villa? It happened. I wish I hadn’t said anything.

By now, all of you will be fully aware that we’ve lost Theo Walcott for 6 months through a large piece of misfortune. At times like these, there are many choices of word or phrases that are apt. For example, a Gooner reading the news for the first time might exclaim, “dash unfortunate all this business” or perhaps, “Shame, poor Theo“. After a few moments careful consideration, I came to the conclusion that only two very simple words serve to perfectly summarise the collective feeling amongst supporters of Arsenal:

“F**king hell….”

Bloody typical, isn’t it. Continue reading

Arsenal sent to Coventry, not Kalou again and Return of The Ox

Sky Sports News regularly raised a few eyebrows.

Morning, Earthlings.

It’s a full week until we have the joys of meaningful football again. Between now and next Monday’s fixture at Villa Park, it’s safe to say the news will be in short supply. Unless  of course, something unplanned and jaw-dropping occurs. For all we know, Arsene could announce in his next press conference his intentions to elope with Gervinho and become a fabulous Vegas dance act. Unlikely? Yes, very. I’m just being idiotic.

The news circling around my head and the Internet today isn’t wonderfully enlightening or particularly intriguing. Yesterday, we received the FA Cup 4th Round Draw, and fortune has smiled upon us. I was expecting something tricky like an away trip to Chelsea or Manchester City. Continue reading

Super Tomas Rosicky, Gnabry, Cazorla, Smug Theo and 2-0 to the Arsenal.

Just in case The Spurs fans were unsure of the scoreline, Theo kindly helped remind them.

Morning folks.

Before I begin, let’s all collectively take a moment to bask in glory.

*inhales deeply*

Ahhh, the sweet smell of victory in the North London derby. Feels f**king great, doesn’t it. I have to admit that I was quite nervous during the hours that lead up to the game. Usually a sturdy and reliable organ, my bladder suffered from temporary weakness and most of my innards followed suit.  Before kick-off, my humble abode was a cacophony of curious gurgles of the stomach, feet thundering towards the lavatory and explosive flatulence.

However, as soon as that whistle blew and the game began, the tension disappeared. Spurs created very little. Aside from a reasonable chance for Eriksen and a prime example of Adebayor’s propensity for a bandy-legged lack of grace in the penalty area, our scummy visitors offered no threat. Continue reading