The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

Rooney interest could be real, Wanyama scepticism and the not-so ‘special’ one.

These days, Gooners are quick to point out flying pigs…

Evening one and all,

I hope you’ve been enjoying the sunshine whilst it lasts. Here in Bristol we’ve been blessed with beautiful blue skies and perfect temperatures. I expect it to last no  more than a day at best, quickly reverting back to the dingy grey we’re accustomed to.

Platitudes aside, let’s get down to business.

The media are at their slobbering, sycophantic worst with the return of Jose Mourinho. Heralded as the ‘special one’ by himself, an apotheosis by the media, and names laced with expletives by supporters whose allegiance isn’t the blue of Chelsea, the Portuguese returns to our shores for a second term of getting under everyone’s skin.

Undoubtedly the man is a fantastic football manager. His record across 3 countries speaks for itself. He took Chelsea from also-rans to title winners and knocked us off our perch. Love him or hate him, it’s impossible to deny his ability.

And I’m one of the ones that hates him. Well… I say ‘hate’, but what I really mean is he gets on my nerves. Mourinho always puts me in mind of Bobby Robson. Bobby was a genuinely likeable man, he had integrity, humility and class. Beyond the doors of The Emirates, there isn’t a figure in football I have such admiration for. Mourinho, on the other hand, is none of those things; an abhorrent, arrogant and deceitful man with a full-blown case of narcissism.  Jose Mourinho is everything Bobby Robson is not in terms of personalities.

I’m sure with him at the helm Chelsea will immediately be placed as favourites to win the title, and every last second of Sky’s coverage will have to involve him in some way.


I hope he falls flat on his arse and Chelsea flounder embarrassingly, and John Terry explodes on national television for no reason other than he’s John Terry.

I think I’ll lighten the mood with some transfer news. Well… I say “news”…

There are folks more ITK (In The Know) than I who seem to believe the talk of a move for prostitute-enthusiast, Wayne Rooney could actually have a large element of truth to it. Adding fuel to that fire is a quote from Arsene:

Do I find Rooney interesting? Who wouldn’t be interested in him, nobody would turn him down.

That’s certainly set the gossipers gossiping. I don’t read anything into things like that. It’s hardly revealing. Under such questions, a man as comfortable with the media as Arsene is hardly going to say anything other than complimentary. Would Wenger state the opposite if it’s how he truly felt? Nope. He’s hardly going to come out with something like this:

Do I find Rooney interesting? No. I loathe the cretinous lump. He has rocks for brains, and his penchant for ill-repute offends me.

Lastly today, Celtic’s Victor Wanyama. He’s been linked with Arsenal for some time now – he’s a midfield enforcer, and he’s built to cause extreme distress to diminutive, tricky playmakers. Many folks out there seem dead-set on him coming to fill the perceived void in our team. I’ve watched him play a few times, and he looks a decent enough player, but some distance from the finished article.

Call me a sceptical soul if you will, but I’m not sold on him. He reminds me a bit of Yaya Toure, but without the nous, drive and experience. There are occasional bouts of excellence, but as many moments of indiscipline, indolence and bad choices. I’d far rather we opted for someone like Lars Bender, assuming we are after that type of player at all.

And that’s all for today. The comments await below. Your views on Mourinho, Rooney and Wanyama will be greatly appreciated.

I shall return tomorrow with more.

** Insert highly misleading title regarding alleged £70m swoop for high profile player here **

I love you, delicious readers.

Good morning, beautiful creatures.

At present, I’m writing this the night before publication and I’m watching the occasional bit of the Real Madrid vs Man United game.

As you may have gathered from my incredibly stupid title, Arsenal news and discussion points aren’t readily available in huge quantities. The transfer window has shut. It’s closed. It’s as available as a prudish nun. Yet still the gossip persists. It’s all a bit silly, isn’t it. Are people out there that desperate for their fix of spurious news that they’ll happily click away like fury at anything with the word ‘transfer’ in it?

It certainly appears so.

I’m guilty myself. It’s not unknown for the dark, lonely hours of night to find me arbitrarily clicking through sites I wouldn’t frequent at any other time (I don’t mean porn, I’m unabashed at how much of that I watch – a LOT). Whilst doing a little of that (not watching porn), I came across (…) a story on the reputable BBC site about Celtic’s Victor Wanyama. I also stublmed acroos this link to a wonder of betting opportunities and such things:

Some say Wanyama is exactly what we need – a sturdy brute of a man to patrol our midfield allowing our spell-binding midgets wreak havoc on opposition defences. I politely disagree. I don’t think he’s the answer at all – like Alex Song, he has a touch of the “Look at me! I’m Rivaldo!” about him, and seems about as disciplined as I would be with my hands when surround by an array of heaving boobs. Many of you may disagree, but watching him play against Juventus last night, I noticed that Claudio Marchisio is a far, far better player.

Elsewhere in news, we have a Brazilian starlet attending the Emirates for a trial. Indio of Vasco da Gama will be at London Colney hoping to impress Arsene into getting his chequebook out. He sounds like another Wellington – young, and unable to play in this country due to EU regulations for 5 years. It’s nice to see us trying to snap up the hottest Brazilian talent, but it’s hardly a deal that’s going to have me dancing in the streets.

And that’s about it. Sorry for my current funk, and unforgivable lack of regular posts. The E-mails I get from concerned and angry readers are very touching, and I’ll do my best to be here as often as I can for you. However, at present my life is changing, and I find myself lacking regular time spots to blog.

Seeing as it’s the day of St. Valentine, I shall leave you all with a huge hug and an awkward, sloppy kiss that makes you feel very uncomfortable. The comments are below, I hereby challenge you, the delightful reader, to compose a simple themed poem about Arsenal in the tradition associated with this fine day. The best one will be published, along with full credit, tomorrow – so don’t forget to leave your name. Unless they’re all shit, that is…

Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.