The Armchair Gooner

An Arsenal blog bringing you news, opinion and humour on a daily basis. Well, I'll try at the very least…

I’m Not Going To Talk About Bloody Cesc Fabregas.


Evening, all.

At this time of year, I struggle. Not only do I work in a heaving kitchen in sweltering temperatures, but I also have to navigate the interminable dross plastered across cyberspace. Well… I say “have to” … I don’t have to do it at all. Should the feelings of irritation overwhelm me, I could go to a monastery and spend my days chanting into a wall to find inner peace.

I could…

However, I like blogging. It’s fun to me and the freedom to express whatever the hell I please without fear of censorship is glorious. When discussing Arsenal with you it’s pertinent to make mention of the latest news. Cesc Fabregas, seemingly unstoppably so, is the news at the moment. All the bloody news.  Continue reading

The Madness Of Balotelli At Arsenal, Irksome Celebrations And Other Bits.

Look at his innocent face!

Afternoon, folks.

Sunday is a touch on the tedious side. Once football is over, I find myself utterly at a loss. This time last week we found ourselves embroiled in the glorious spectacle of triumph. A mere week has passed and all that’s left is a few beautiful remnants and the aching sensation of boredom.

This is were I struggle to find topics of discussion and descend into the murky abyss of the Internet in the vein hope of finding something both fascinating and illuminating. Invariably, I fail miserably and today is no exception.

What does pop up regularly is gossip. When I say, “reguarly” I mean interminably, unstoppably. The moment the season finishes, ITKs and all their ilk seemingly dash towards caves and begin their snarling tweets/posts of misinformation. The vast majority is hokum that deserves no further mention, but sometimes a rumour begins to build of head of steam and refuses to be flushed away.  Continue reading

£100m To Spend: Where Do I Start, Where Do I Begin?

“Where do I begin?”

Morning, folks.

It was 1997 when Beth Orton’s hauntingly beautiful vocals lit up the Chemical Brothers track, ‘Where Do I Begin’. As I’m typing this post the night before you’ll read it, I’m listening to that very song. It’s such a fabulous song, both reminiscent of a time of hedonism for me but also oddly relevant to what I’m going to talk about with you today.

Transters. Ins and outs. Where do I begin?

Well, as I’m certain you’re all aware; anything you read is going to be enormous speculation. Yep – names will be thrown around and the percentage of truth to bullsh*t won’t exactly be on the favourable side. Such is the time we live in. So, becuase naming names is an exercise in futility, I shan’t bother.

Instead, delicious reader, I’m going to express my thoughts and the areas of the team I’d like to see strengthened. Continue reading

Cesc Fabregas Returns To Arsenal In A Blaze Of Dubious Glory…

“All this speculation. Pffft”

Afternoon, folks.

Amidst the thunderstorms here in Bristol and other pursuits in my personal life I must take care of – nothing nefarious – today’s post is a little late. Okay – it’s quite considerably late, but it’s arrived and you’ll have to excuse my dilly-dallying.

So what’s the latest? Well… You can’t so much as glance across the Internet without seeing Cesc Fabregas’ treacherous little face beaming back at you as the reports of an imminent return to Arsenal heighten. Seriously – it’s practically everywhere. I defy any one of you to log onto Twitter or any site dedicated to providing football news and not see something relating to the furry little rascal.

With all this speculation and discussion comes the inevitable question; would you welcoming him back with open arms because he’s a world-class player, or do you still resent him slightly?

Continue reading

Chelsea (a): Thoughts, Team News And Predicted Starting XI

Who is that mystical figure to the left?

Morning, folks.

With all the focus on Arsene’s 1000th game, it is quite easy to forget that it happens to be one of Arsenal’s most important games of the season today. Fate has, in no small measure, served up a meeting with Jose Mourinho on a day our manger celebrates a milestone.

Say what you wish about the Portuguese – I’m certainly no fan – but he knows how to win and he’ll use all the unscrupulous methods at his disposal. A trip to Stamford Bridge to play Chelsea is a formidable task indeed. A victory would be sweetest way imaginable to put the “specialist in failure” remarks firmly back from where they came and blow the title race wide open.

The team news has thrown up a few concerns. Continue reading

Arsenal Splash £100m, Sagna, Arsene And The Summer

They offered how much?

Howdy, peeps.

I hope this latest instalment of mine finds you well, nourished and enjoying life.  The weekend still lies on my memory. One thing I’ve often found as a Arsenal fan is that my general mood and enjoyment of daily activities is greatly diminished when the team lose. When they win, the opposite comes into play. Coupled with the joys of spring time, winning a NLD finds me the picture of ebullience today. I’m probably bloody irritating to be around, such is my chipper and spirited mood.

A lot of the talk in newsworld surrounds the summer. When all the hullabaloo dies down about the NLD – especially a certain Mickey Hazard’s hilarious comments accusing Sczsesny of attempting to start a riot by taking a picture on the field at White Hart Lane – things get back to a degree of normality. As the stories being blown out of rational proportion die out, they speculative ones emerge. Such is the nature of news, and Mickey Hazard, who, let’s be honest here, has always been a bit of a cry-baby. Continue reading

New Contracts For Everybody!! Well… Almost…

Signing your life away…

Morning, folks.

My absence yesterday was due to preparations for the latest Goonersphere Podcast, but luckily my little Scottish friend, Dyllan Munro, was on hand to fill in with with his unique brand of hilarity and unquenchable rage. Big thank you to Dyllan and be sure to keep an eye out as he will be guesting again for me in the future.

Right, without further ado; Arsenal stuff.

It seems there has been an explosion of news about contracts in recent weeks. Previously, much debate has raged between Arsenal fans surrounding the merits of Bacary Sagna and Arsene Wenger and their proposed extensions. Elsewhere, John Henry at Liverpool has opted to make public his bizarre admissions regarding the release clause that, according to his own words, did exist in Luis Suarez’s contract. Liverpool may have set an alarming precedence by choosing to completely ignore such a thing.

Any Suarez deal is a thing of the past and the chances of us purchasing him are long gone. Whilst not entirely legal as I understand, in an environment where players can force moves at their will there is a part of me that agrees with the stance taken by Liverpool; they didn’t wish to sell a vitally important player and simply chose not to do so. Continue reading