Late night/early morning greetings!
I can’t sleep – bloody weather, there’s rain pelting my window….
I light of that fact, and with a view to the upcoming Euros, here is a list of my predictions for the tournament. It is late, I am slightly delirious, so please take that into account…
- At least once during every game, the cameraman will perversely locate the most attractive girl in the crowd and dwell on her for just a little too long.
- Somebody no-one has ever heard will perform well, and be transferred to Man City for £35m.
- Andy Carroll with defy the nation’s expectations and be especially shit.
- England will beat France.
- The semi-finals will both be unbelievably dull.
- ITV’s coverage will be so terrible it will evoke rioting. Football fans across the UK will untie, adopt a mob-mentality, storm the ITV studios and burn Andy Townsend at the stake. No one will be prosecuted.
- England’s exit will be accompanied by a maudlin montage set to either Coldplay or that other band whose name I can’t remember at the moment.
- Andrey Arshavin will explode unexpectedly whilst taking a corner.
- Nicklas Bendtner will suddenly decide he isn’t the greatest striker on earth, and explode. His ego will continue up front for Denmark.
- Xavi and Iniesta will trade 576 passes in the centre circle.
- Fernando Torres will score a goal.
- Alan Shearer will finally realise he is intolerably dull, and sacrifice himself to Satan during half-time analysis. Hansen will eat the remains.
- One game in the group stage will be a 7 goal thriller.
- Mario Balotelli will actually kill someone. Probably a ref.
- Arsenal won’t sign anyone.
That’s my list, folks. Follow me on Twitter @_ArmchairGooner