The moment you’ve all been waiting for… Another Armchair Gooner rap!

“Hello. Is this Def Jam Records?”

Mornin’ Gs.

After the resounding success of my recent Hip-Hop blog post, I thought I’d treat you all to another. Truth be told; I’m just feeling utterly idiotic, and I enjoy sitting here trying to come up with rhymes. I may never be a KRS-One, but I’m a trier and I think that warrants at least a meagre amount of credit…

So, here we go.

Yo DJ! Drop me something funky.

Let’s go. I’ll pass on fast and drop a slow flow. So bro – who we signed, yo? Higuain or Rooney? That’s a no-no. We’ve got Sanogo, but we need mo’ though. These damn papers got ill-repute like Soho.

All this unrelenting inventing I treat with contempt and lamenting. Caught Offside ought to have tried a little proof and some truth, but it’s lies they’re presenting.

It’s quite a scene I’ve seen. I should do a runner like a green bean. Time for coffee and a wash, I’m a preen queen. Now I’ve got a clean spleen, I’ll hunt some news like a glean fein. First up; happy birthday to Mean Lean.

He drops articles with precision over at Arsenal Vision. Mean’s got a manual allowin’ the odd guest post (he’s the best host) from me or maybe Daniel Cowan.

So let’s talk Arse before you walk past. I need to amend an error with Bender. Sven plays for Dortmund. Accuracy is what yesterday’s post shoulda been producin’ – I retract the fact I said Lars doesn’t play for Leverkusen.

So now we’re in the window – bravo, Arsene for jettisoning some cargo. One signing might be underlining we’ve got far to go. Don’t lose heart as some depart, yo – it’s just the start, trust the wisdom I impart, so… you never know, we might swoop for a coup like a Belgian with an afro.

Are you still here? Up next; Jack Wilshere, if I didn’t mis-hear – he thinks Rooney would make us a team others will fear. So if Arsenal adhere, to the financial promise that they made clear, it would appear we’re in for a good year –  the type future generations can revere. 

But take it from me, we can only debate, tempt fate and wait and see. This’ll get a moan, nothing is set in stone, there’s every chance Arsene will slip back into parsimony. 

But that’s not irrefutable. We’ll make another addition, that’s indisputable. Dick Law is working his fingers to the cuticle. And that’s all I’ve got to say. Thanks for reading, you bastards that are beautiful. 

7 Comments

  1. Ulstersaysarse

    If my patience was as strong as your rapping skills this transfer saga wouldn’t bother me quite as much as it is. There is always hope though, I really want to believe Arsene will come through for us all in the end.

    Reply
  2. GoonerDNA

    Love a bit arse creativity

    Reply
  3. Legoon

    You cock 😃😀😀😜😜😝😝😝

    Reply
  4. Patrick

    How awesome was that? Loved it

    Reply
  5. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

    Cheers guys!

    Reply
  6. Chyke

    That was really cool James!…

    Reply
  7. Podge C

    That’s all very good… but have you heard that Lars Bender plays for Bayer Leverkusen and not Dortmund… what!?… YOU HAVE!!!?… ooooh! i see now, its in the rap. Just thought you might have missed that particular nugget of info in the comments section of your last post.
    In all seriousness though,

    sick flow, er… homie

    Reply

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