My bowels are remarkably consistent. 30 minutes upon waking up is the time I head to the lavatory for my morning ablutions and it’s often an enjoyable, detoxing experience. This particular morning has been harrowing. Whether the core reason lies with something I ate last night is debatable – I have a cast iron stomach.
Whatever the reason, I sit down to write to you feeling slightly distressed and ill at ease. There’s something to be said for the calming influence of a textbook poo; it sets you up to face the trials and tribulations the day has to offer with a confidence in your step. What happened today was not that. It was unsettling. Without going into abhorrent detail, the best way I can muster to describe the incident is to recall any submarine film you’ve seen in which there is a sequence of a bay door opening under water and a torpedo being fired aggressively at an enemy vessel.
Now that little slice of irrelevance is out of the way, it’s time to head into the wonderful world of news and other stuff. Yesterday wasn’t much of a news day. Having spent the vast majority of the morning plotting the 50th episode of the Goonersphere Podcast with Daniel Cowan, I got around to looking over the goings on just about the time Memphis Depay announced he’d signed for Manchester United.
This goes to show just how little I know about European Football. Depay sounds like the kind of emerging Dutch player I should know all about, but I don’t. My only recollections are brief cameos he’s made when I’ve watched the Dutch national team play and none of those where what I’d consider memorable (I’m not saying he isn’t a quality player, you touchy Man United fans).
In light of this scandalous lack of knowledge on my part, I threw the question of his abilities open to the lovely folks that follow my Twitter account. Needless to say the responses ranged from the quite funny;
@JamesRaulStokes Has two legs which propel him quickly and enable him to kick a ball into a net a considerable number of times.
— Doug Nichols (@TheTXI) May 7, 2015
To the immeasurably more informative (Thanks, Jok)
@JamesRaulStokes he’s pretty special mate. Good goal ratio, likes to cut in from out wide. Untested though at the highest level.
— JökmanAFC (@JokmanAFC) May 7, 2015
Sounds like United have themselves a decent player and they’re looking to do their business as quickly as possible. Always a good idea.
With that story doing the rounds, Arsenal fans unsurprisingly turn their attentions to how we’ll conduct our business over the summer. With the Premiership winding down now Chelsea have been crowned champions and the battle for the top 4 places looking unlikely to change, the amount of money we’ll throw at shiny new recruits and how many comes to the forefront.
I don’t wish to talk about that. It’s pretty pointless and something I’ll save for the summer when there aren’t any matches and points to be won. Instead, I thought I’d drop a few words about the players I think we’ll lose.
There are two I’d say are almost certain to leave; Flamini and Podolski. Both initially performed well and contributed but both have dropped a long way down the pecking order. In order to get minutes on the pitch, they’ll have to move elsewhere.
Abou Diaby could find himself finally shipped out as we can’t keep paying for an injured player. It’s a terrible shame because he does have genuine talent and there’s always the “what ifs?” to consider. However, his troubles show no signs of relenting. In fact; they’ve progressively gotten worse over the years. Arsene Wenger’s refusal to write off a player he has faith in is admirable and I’d love nothing more than Diaby to get fit and stay fit so we could see what he can do. Trouble is, I think we all know that isn’t going to happen. The odds are certainly heavily stacked against it.
Lastly, and perhaps surprisingly to some of you, I wouldn’t be shocked if we allowed Theo Walcott to move on in the close season. That might sound an odd thing to say, but I his time might be done at Arsenal. The reasons? I don’t think he has the managers faith. Nor mine, for that matter. I like Theo; he’s a genuine goal threat. I just expect more from him somehow, there’s much more he is capable off and we haven’t seen it consistently for one reason or another. Coupled with his bloody ludicrous wage demands, I don’t think I’d shed a tear should he be dispatched.
I know many of you will disagree.
Okay, folks. This is the stage where I shall politely gesture towards the comments section below these words and suggest you drop me a line with your thoughts. Which players do you think should leave in the summer and why? Let me know.
I’ll be back tomorrow with more rambling and such. Until that time, and as always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.