Waiting for transfers to happen? Here’s what to do in the meantime.

“Seriously, Brian – you’re getting on my nerves now. Just wait”

Greetings, folks.

Boring, boring, boring. All this waiting, anticipating, could drive you to madness if you allowed it. I’ve often wondered what takes so long with player deals and the finalisation of contracts. Perhaps impatience runs in my blood. To my mind, the process should be as simple as:

– “Hey, Player X, would you like to play for Arsenal?”

– “Sure! Sounds good to me!”

– “Okay, we’ll pay you £80k-per-week”

– “Crikey! That’s a lot! I’ll see you Monday!”

Of course, it’s not that simple. The process from inception to realisation is a tricky and arduous one. The good folks at Gunners Town today posted an article that details rather nicely just why these things tend to meander interminably. Have a read – Why da ting takes so long to sign.

I’m not renowned for my thorough and sensible approach to matters like this. I leave those kind of posts to my peers with a greater understanding of what occurs behind closed doors. What happens on the pitch is of paramount concern to me. All other matters fall into a distant secondary category. That’s not to say I few such things as unimportant  – not at all. I believe my blog should play to my strengths. There are many elements of Arsenal Football Club I cannot pretend to know much about.

So, today’s entry is going to be one of those where I produce a list. With tedium reaching new and uncharted highs, why not post a selection of alternative activities for you, the delicious reader, to partake in whilst waiting for something to happen.

(Note: I do not take any responsibility for person/s attempting any of what follows – you’re on your own, folks)

So, if you’re at a loss, if the boredom associated with this time of year has you like a coiled spring of energy waiting to pounce on a new project, here’s a few ideas:

  1. Fed-Ex some cat faeces to the offices of Caught Offside with a introductory note that reads, “Caught Offside swoop to obtain extraordinary package from stranger in astonishing deal”. 
  2. Francis Coquelin is heading out on loan. Use this story to produce as many ‘Coq’ related puns as humanly possible. For example: “Coq off”, “German Coq”, “Where has my Coq gone?” “Coq leaves Arse”… The list is endless.
  3. Adopt a badger. Train it in the ways of the assassin and have it eradicate your enemies for you. Be sure to give it a relatively innocuous name like “Billy” – don’t call it “The F**ker Upper” as that might be a little too obvious.
  4. Go to the comments section of this blog an politely enquire as to what I’m talking about.
  5. Buy an Arsenal shirt, put your name on the back, travel to The Emirates and exclusively unveil yourself as a new signing. You can even give a press conference if you feel like being thorough. Be sure to ask all the ITK accounts on Twitter how they managed to miss such a scoop with all their ‘insiders’ and ‘sources’…

Those should keep you occupied for a while. Like I said previously; If you do any of the above, I take no responsibility for it, but I’ll secretly be very impressed. Just don’t expect me to crack under questioning.

That’s all for today, folks. If you’re not already headed towards the comments to abuse me, then feel free to pop down a few ideas of you’re own. Those will certainly be fun to read.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

14 Comments

  1. Danzinio

    What are you talking about??

    I do fully understand but I thought i’d do number 4 first!

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      Good luck with the other 4 🙂

      Reply
  2. malcom

    this is a waste of time come on higuain rooney and fellaini sign for the greatest club on earth by the dominator

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      By the dominator? Eh?

      Reply
  3. Steve

    Bring back David Dein, Wenger and the other back room clowns CAN NOT negotiate, It is no coincidence that since Snr.Dein has gone we can not tie deals down. That team I choke on when I hear their name again (Paulinho) sign quality without fuss.. 50 years a Gooner and we have to go through transfer shambles every year since the Invincables. Wenger say who you want and David (The Man) Dein will make it happen !!!!!!

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      You have a point about David Dein. He’d go out and get us who Arsene wanted, and seemingly with minimal fuss. Although, I think it only seems easier for other Clubs to make signings because we aren’t as invested in the process of that.

      Reply
  4. John Kamba Fraser

    Why is Arsenal always dragging on every transfer?is it because the is use cheap and average players. By know the club should havelanded at least two to three quality and star players since they have offloaded a number of flops . What a shame to be an Arsenal fun by seen the no or zero signing .

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      You’re a ray of sunshine, aren’t you…

      Reply
  5. chiangmaisteve

    Access to the internet has changed much and I doubt David Dein would be any different that what goes on today. It seemed easier before because we might hear a slight rumour and then it seems we hear the player has signed.

    Papers ran stories twice a day and twitter was something birds did. Stories were never examined, rebuffed, re-examined, confirmed, denied, regurgitated and responded to ad infinitum like they are today.

    Now very few read papers and Journalists make money through hits on web pages. Bloggers have increased exponentially and to be honest most people had a life…or at least watched re-runs of Hogan’s Heroes rather than sitting watching the twitter feed every five minutes.

    I’m not sure Arsenal transfers take longer than before or in fact, other teams take less time. It seems that way simply because we are “kettle watching”.

    Reply
    1. Ade

      Then why are the other clubs able to sign players without all the drag-out under the same conditions? The spuds said they were signing Paulinho last week and it’s done now.

      Reply
    2. ekstien

      Finally! Someone with brains! Some of us really dont think before we wag our mouth. Saying sh*t.

      Reply
  6. terry

    while you wait……. watch my scotch egg recipe below

    Reply
    1. James 'Raul' Stokes (Post author)

      They look scrumptious!

      Reply
  7. rhey ghodho

    i dont trust assin wonga and his retarded board. 3 weeks running now for just one left footed real madrid player. buttom line is mr. wengo isnt buying…………plastic muggs!

    Reply

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