Boring, boring, boring. All this waiting, anticipating, could drive you to madness if you allowed it. I’ve often wondered what takes so long with player deals and the finalisation of contracts. Perhaps impatience runs in my blood. To my mind, the process should be as simple as:
– “Hey, Player X, would you like to play for Arsenal?”
– “Sure! Sounds good to me!”
– “Okay, we’ll pay you £80k-per-week”
– “Crikey! That’s a lot! I’ll see you Monday!”
Of course, it’s not that simple. The process from inception to realisation is a tricky and arduous one. The good folks at Gunners Town today posted an article that details rather nicely just why these things tend to meander interminably. Have a read – Why da ting takes so long to sign.
I’m not renowned for my thorough and sensible approach to matters like this. I leave those kind of posts to my peers with a greater understanding of what occurs behind closed doors. What happens on the pitch is of paramount concern to me. All other matters fall into a distant secondary category. That’s not to say I few such things as unimportant – not at all. I believe my blog should play to my strengths. There are many elements of Arsenal Football Club I cannot pretend to know much about.
So, today’s entry is going to be one of those where I produce a list. With tedium reaching new and uncharted highs, why not post a selection of alternative activities for you, the delicious reader, to partake in whilst waiting for something to happen.
(Note: I do not take any responsibility for person/s attempting any of what follows – you’re on your own, folks)
So, if you’re at a loss, if the boredom associated with this time of year has you like a coiled spring of energy waiting to pounce on a new project, here’s a few ideas:
- Fed-Ex some cat faeces to the offices of Caught Offside with a introductory note that reads, “Caught Offside swoop to obtain extraordinary package from stranger in astonishing deal”.
- Francis Coquelin is heading out on loan. Use this story to produce as many ‘Coq’ related puns as humanly possible. For example: “Coq off”, “German Coq”, “Where has my Coq gone?” “Coq leaves Arse”… The list is endless.
- Adopt a badger. Train it in the ways of the assassin and have it eradicate your enemies for you. Be sure to give it a relatively innocuous name like “Billy” – don’t call it “The F**ker Upper” as that might be a little too obvious.
- Go to the comments section of this blog an politely enquire as to what I’m talking about.
- Buy an Arsenal shirt, put your name on the back, travel to The Emirates and exclusively unveil yourself as a new signing. You can even give a press conference if you feel like being thorough. Be sure to ask all the ITK accounts on Twitter how they managed to miss such a scoop with all their ‘insiders’ and ‘sources’…
Those should keep you occupied for a while. Like I said previously; If you do any of the above, I take no responsibility for it, but I’ll secretly be very impressed. Just don’t expect me to crack under questioning.
That’s all for today, folks. If you’re not already headed towards the comments to abuse me, then feel free to pop down a few ideas of you’re own. Those will certainly be fun to read.
As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.