"Calm down. We don't need that kind of language"

Friday greetings, boys ‘n’ girls.

Quite some time ago, a work colleague of mine told me a story about themselves in which they woke up at 3am with an incredible craving for chocolate. For reasons beyond my comprehension, I found this unbelievably hilarious. What I’m certain was a fairly humdrum affair in reality, exists in head head as the following; I picture him – a middle-aged manager – waking up in a flash, bolt-upright and screaming “I NEED FUCKING CHOCOLATE!” and then proceeding to furiously rummage through his wife’s handbag for a Crunchie. If that failed, he’d dart downstairs in his Scrooge-like pyjamas and drive to the nearest petrol station at 100mph with his face pressed against the glass, breathing heavily and snarling.

The reason I bring this up, is that I imagine on the last night before the summer transfer window closed, Arsene Wenger did something similar. I’d wager he woke up in a frenzy, hit with the sudden realisation that the squad was in dire need of reinforcements. That final day in August, he was a blur or activity, screaming at Pat Rice, asking him why he hadn’t made him aware of the need to recruit sooner. “PAT! WE NEED A FUCKING MIDFIELDER! DON’T JUST SIT THERE!”

Of course, the main reason for me sharing such an idiotic notion is the paucity of Arsenal related news out there, and I’m merely trying to fill up this post. The only tidbit of news is PSG’s alleged desire to bid somewhere in the region of £5m for our stylist’s apprentice, Marouane Chamakh – a deal that we’d be mad not to rip their arms of should it be offered. When the Moroccan first came to the club, I was actually quite impressed with him, he looked a good bit of business on a free transfer. Once a decent few months passed, he descended into being, well, quite frankly, shit.

Unlike the summer of last year, I expect us to conduct our business quickly and efficiently his time around. It’s been stated before in seasons past that this opportunity to purchase will be the occasion “Wenger has a clear out” and nothing has materialised. Call me naive, if you will, but I am convinced this time will be different. I hope to be proved correct.

That’s all for today, folks. Tomorrow sees the return of Arsenal and a trip to QPR. I’ll be posting a preview of the game with my upcoming post on Saturday. Until then, enjoy your day and thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Take a moment to comment below, and you can follow me on Twitter – @_ArmchairGooner

Finally, you can read my latest column at Arsenal Vision here.

3 thoughts on “WE NEED A F@*%ING MIDFIELDER!”

  1. You are a vry gud wrter you son of a B*TCH. I like your sense of humour bt truly Chamak is useles so evn 5million is a bonus

  2. Bored! Bored, bored, bored! Not playing in the the cups means we have to suffer 7 and 8 day breaks between games. This is just not good enough! I’ve considered writing to my MP but he’s an Old Etonian! So what’s the point! That’s it gonna watch the replay of the Tiny Totts game to cheer me up! Anyone got the time?

  3. In midfield Arsenal should buy not all but just a “good number” of the following midfielders during the 2012 May-August transfer window so as to totally strengthen/rigidify its midfield:
    Wesley Sneijder,Stephen Ireland,Yani M’Vila[France],Nathan Dyer [Swansea City],Gareth Bale, Luca Modric,Aaron Lennon and Giovanni Dos Santos[both Tottenham], Michael Bradley[USA],Keisuke Honda [Japan],Shinji Kagawa [Borussia Dortmund],Walter Gargano[FC Napoli], Jesus Navas [Spain and Athletic Bilbao],Siphiwe Tshabalala[South Africa], Victor Wanyama Mugubi[Kenya and Celtic],MacDonald Mariga[Kenya and Parma],Younes Belhanda,Alberto Fellaini and Phil Jagielka[both Everton], Charles N’Zobgia,etc

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