Welcome Giroud, plug pulled on M’Vila and cackling transfer spinsters.

“I will let you know more when I have it…”

Evening, precious.

We are here. Gone is the participation of England in an international tournament. What remains is a state of footballing purgatory; a desolate, frightening area, bereft of our beautiful game and accompanied by the perpetual howls of cackling transfer spinsters.

The spinsters I mention are those folks out there in Arsenal’s gargantuan blogging community with a propensity for invention, and no small measure of perseverance, too. They cackle and shriek potential gossip, they twitter and tweet until each fantastical, nonsensical notion they’ve cultivated and sent into the world has sufficiently garnered responses and attention. Essentially, they are proficient merchants of balderdash.

I’ve often considered giving it a shot. The concept is deliciously simple: I’d claim to have an ‘inside source’ who risks certain dismissal to hand me nuggets of information no other human being can possibly get their paws on. Once said nuggets were in my possession, I’d begin tweeting with no small measure of self-importance. I’d say things like “I’ll let you know more when I have it” or “Tomorrow I’ve got a big scoop” in order to portray myself as a wise old sage who has your best interests at heart.

Of course, those of you blessed with an iota of common sense would see through my ruse. “Piss off, James” you’d angrily declare. “You have self-esteem issues and these rumours are nothing more than a scramble for the gratification focus and attention brings” you’d rightfully sneer. “You are no more ‘ITK’ than an assortment of disgruntled  geese” would be your final – slightly bizarre – denunciation.

With such antics rife, it’s nice to see that we have official conformation today. Olivier Giroud is a Gooner. There’s proof. I have some, too. Here it is:

Who’s this dashing individual?

Splendid news. Arsene Wenger himself also seems quite chuffed – bless his cotton socks. He had this to say about our newest French import.

“Olivier has a very good physical presence and is exceptional in the air, with a great work ethic.

“We are excited about Olivier joining us and he will add an additional dimension to our attacking options next season.

“He has proved that he is capable of performing at the top level with club and country, and we saw what a big influence he was in Montpellier’s championship-winning side last season.”

The man once alarmingly dubbed as ‘the French Andy Carroll’ by someone – I forget who it was – has an excellent scoring record in France with Montpellier. Like most of you, I can’t claim to be an expert on his abilities, but from what I’ve mustered thus far, he looks a fine signing and I’m very happy.

Elsewhere, a few little bits of news began filtering around that Arsene has pulled the plug on the M’Vila deal due to Yann’s unpredictable and petulant behaviour – I assume this is because he slapped his sisters boyfriend. Whether or not this carries any truth, or is simply the work of the spinsters remains to be seen.

That’s all for today. I’ve had a busy old day and I’m pooped. An evening of looking at potential holiday destinations beckons. Thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards. Please take a moment to comment. Go on. You know you wanna…

19 thoughts on “Welcome Giroud, plug pulled on M’Vila and cackling transfer spinsters.”

  1. Arsenal shoouldn’t just stop at giroud signing,they should also buy m’vila,a good top class defender,another middle class striker for injured players incase and a good mid fielder/winger lik modric or bale with these arsenal are sure to win all the trophies.

  2. The first thing that caught my inquisitive eye was your dexterous writing skill. Do you write for a living? If not, I think you just missed your calling. Lol. On the other hand, I totally agree with you. Just yesterday, I tweeted that I’d have nothing to do with any rumour about Olivier until I see it on Arsenal.com. So also, I wont believe anything about Yann until it is official. But If I tell you I don’t savour some of these rumours, I’d be lying. Take a rest, you owe nature that.

  3. Is there any Truth in about Arsene supposedly deciding against M’Vila or is this just twitter talk at its finest??

  4. M’Vila sucks he’s so overrated ive watched pretty much all his highlights and supposed good moments…but honestly he aint worth the big bucks!!

    1. LOL. I forgot Youtube was the one stop shop for figuring out which players are good or not.
      That’s like saying RVP sucks because of his lacking performance at the Euros.

  5. from the second i saw the rumor about giroud i really thought We where gonna sign him. and i was right. welcome giroud i think he’ll be a good addition. so many people think that We should buy a defensive mid now and i agree but i was watching a old game with fabregas and nasri yesterday and We dominated, nasri and fabregas reaand another attacking midlly made our midfeild exiting and creative, i think We should sign mbiwa and a high quality attacking mid

  6. Welcome Giroud. Good news to arsenal FC and the fans. But I think the best news will be the sale of Ramsey, Squilachi,chamach*,and bendtner. Can’t wait!!!

  7. i think arsenal squard for next season,in case they are lookin for a center back i am available at the rate of 38 million dollar.

  8. Somehow, I can’t get myself to believe in the M’Vila-no-pasaran rumour. True, he’s got issues off the pitch, but, as far as I know, they’re restricted to France – family feuds, national team squabbles… This will affect him, but from what we could see, he’s a very cultured player. He doesn’t get too many cards, does he?
    And the issues he has do not seem so problematic for Arsenal. Wasn’t RVP a troublemaker? Vieira? Adams? Back in the olden days, Arsenal were a team of many troublemakers, but somehow, Graham and Wenger managed to keep them at bay. I believe the problem lies rather in the valuation Rennes put on M’Vila.

  9. why will arsenal escape m’vila on some flimsy excuse . if the news is anything to go by then i think Coach Wenger should still reconsider an look at this issue of M’vila agian.

  10. @kayode ade
    June 26, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Your an idiot. Sell Ramsey????
    Not gonna happen just cos you and your ilk want it to.
    FFS. Fans like you. Please!!

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