Morning folks.
There are certainly some touchy individuals around. Perhaps it’s the time of the year. People want news, they crave news and a lack of news sends them into a frenzy of rage and obscenities. Even something as innocuous as porridge can send the keyboard warriors into incandescent fury.
– “But James, whatever do you mean? Porridge has little to do with Arsenal. Have you taken leave of your senses?”
Well, you’d be surprised at the kind of E-mails us bloggers have to deal with on occasion (If I have approved a comment you left, I am not talking about you). Yesterday, a charming soul sent me this heartfelt message:
“Alpen is muesli not porridge you c**t”
Once the impact of those haunting words had worn off and I’d wiped away the tears, I did have a good laugh to myself. Has it got to the point where we are so bereft of Arsenal news that people are allowing themselves to develop serious personality disorders? Or I have overlooked the significance porridge and muesli can have on society? Perhaps somewhere there is an entire website dedicated to breakfast, and regularly members of the ‘PKB’ and ‘MOB’ exchange heated words and stories of carnal exploits with the others’ mothers.
Oh – before I forget, here’s a little something just for the record:
Now is about the time I should really delve into the murky waters of Arsenal news, but there is little going on that’s worth mentioning. Men have spoken to men regarding other men they’d like to sign, and men behind computers have speculated which man will go where. Some women were involved, too.
That’s about the whole of it. Andrey Arshavin has had a slight dig at Arsenal claiming he “nearly got depressed” but eventually didin’t. News is that slow players almost getting something is worth a mention. Tomorrow I may well be talking about an incident involving Gervinho almost catching a violent case of herpes.
Now I find myself at a bit of a loss where to go with today’s entry. So, I’ve decided to lay down a challenge to all those people out there eager to vent their frustration; use the comments below to insult me. Do your worst, my only request is that you at least try to be inventive.
I’ll mark your contributions out of ten, and afford a special mention for my favourite. So, what are you waiting for? Getting abusing me. I’m certainly looking forward to it.
As always; thanks for reading, beautiful bastards.
PKB (Porridge Knows Best) and MOB (Muesli Out Brigade) are both clearly pro-porridge supporters groups, they wouldn’t be having heated debates. Fucking idiot.
That would be “Porridge Kicks Butt”, and “Muesli Owns Breakfast”. I decide what the initialisations stand for.
Your picture in an affront to humanity, and I have more ‘SWAG’ in my penis.
Woah James, easy, that was meant sarcastically and so was my picture… Ouch. I’m still a fan though
No offence meant, Omar. I was just fooling 🙂
excellent article
Thanks, deejay.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. I fart in your general direction.
That’s my favourite. I do love a bit of Monty Python.
Oi imbred wat the fuck is this all about?
Not bad. Spelling on the other hand…
lol with a fallen 8 next to it
Nah…it aint gonna work…..amigo…wat were u thinking asshole
Fuck muesli, and porridge can go suck a bag of dicks… id rather have a bowl of coco pops with Gervinho, violent herpes and all!
Colourful, and lots of effort. A solid 8.
Nice article…
Bloody porridge eater you girl can’t face the day without a sissies breakfast.
Porridge is the breakfast of champions. 6.5
JAmes,You have lesser brains than Bobby Savage. Your footballing knowledge has a living personification in Gervis finishing ability.
Thats atleast a 7!
for a slow news day its a top post. Can someone explain to me yesterdays jedvaj joke. I didnt get it!Help!
7.5 for that. Trust me, the Jedjaj joke is so utterly appalling it doesn’t deserve a repeat.
I have only recently began to read your blog. Infact as recently as today when you filled in for pedro on le grove. I must say, your writting style is quite captivating. You dont have jack diddly squat to write about, but my word: your fillers are fantastic. A+
Cheers Pete! I think…