The Armchair Gooner’s Euro 2012 predictions.

Late night/early morning greetings!

I can’t sleep – bloody weather, there’s rain pelting my window….

I light of that fact, and with a view to the upcoming Euros, here is a list of my predictions for the tournament. It is late, I am slightly delirious, so please take that into account…

  1. At least once during every game, the cameraman will perversely locate the most attractive girl in the crowd and dwell on her for just a little too long.
  2. Somebody no-one has ever heard will perform well, and be transferred to Man City for £35m.
  3. Andy Carroll with defy the nation’s expectations and be especially shit.
  4. England will beat France.
  5. The semi-finals will both be unbelievably dull.
  6. ITV’s coverage will be so terrible it will evoke rioting. Football fans across the UK will untie, adopt a mob-mentality, storm the ITV studios and burn Andy Townsend at the stake. No one will be prosecuted.
  7. England’s exit will be accompanied by a maudlin montage set to either Coldplay or that other band whose name I can’t remember at the moment.
  8. Andrey Arshavin will explode unexpectedly whilst taking a corner.
  9. Nicklas Bendtner will suddenly decide he isn’t the greatest striker on earth, and explode. His ego will continue up front for Denmark.
  10. Xavi and Iniesta will trade 576 passes in the centre circle.
  11. Fernando Torres will score a goal.
  12. Alan Shearer will finally realise he is intolerably dull, and sacrifice himself to Satan during half-time analysis. Hansen will eat the remains.
  13. One game in the group stage will be a 7 goal thriller.
  14. Mario Balotelli will actually kill someone. Probably a ref.
  15. Arsenal won’t sign anyone.

That’s my list, folks. Follow me on Twitter @_ArmchairGooner

5 thoughts on “The Armchair Gooner’s Euro 2012 predictions.”

  1. Well I’m sitting here in Brisbane on a chilly winters morning, sun beaming in through the kitchen windows, not a cloud in the sky at 19 degrees at 10am…probably pushing the chilly factor a little eh?

    Thats a lot of explosions and outlandish murders…you’ve been watching a lot of sci-fi lately haven’t you james…

    #9 was brilliant, with Bendtner’s ego finally losing the shackles of his less talented body his ego will go on to become the greatest striker in the world. And his new 2nd agent (or is that just an agent for his ego…really two agents…who does this guy think he is?!) will negotiate a 40million quid transfer to Man city.

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