Wengergeddon, Another Terrible Defeat, Alexis to United, Aubameyang and More…

Morning, folks.

It’s going to be another depressing post today. A dark, misery of a post. Think of it as similar to the Upside Down in Stranger Things.

There have been plenty of moments during my tenure as an Arsenal fan in which I’ve felt gutted, frustrated or dejected. Others I’ve felt like building a craft capable of sustained space travel and filling it with one or two of the players before firing it at the sun. Plenty of times I’ve felt brimming pride and unbridled joy. All of those are expected emotions in the ever-changing world of football. It’s, as far as I assume, perfectly normal to go through those feelings – to a reasonable extent, at least. The spacecraft idea might be taking it a little too far if actually put into practice.

What I haven’t experienced up until recently is ambivalence. What happened yesterday at Bournemouth came as no surprise at all. It was a terrible, terrible performance, but we saw the exact same thing a mere week ago in Nottingham. I wasn’t furious, I didn’t take to the streets in protest or smash my house to pieces whilst the neighbours called the police. Nope, I sort of shrugged my shoulders and watched the post-match interviews with a glazed, vacant look in my eyes. It felt like I was resigned to my fate.

This is the state we are in, and it’s all of our own doing. I defy anyone out there to suggest that we don’t need a new manager, that, whilst change may not be for the better, taking a chance is far better than languishing in this bizarre state of somnambulism we have at the club. I have nothing but love for Arsene Wenger and I wouldn’t think to call him names of behave with jarring vehemance and hatred as some have. But when it comes to his future, I am of the opinion it’s time for him to leave management and retire from the game. He’s been a wonderful, wonderful servant to Arsenal and that should never be forgotten, even if those glory days seem a distant memory.

Watching that Arsenal team yesterday was a reminder of when things were really bleak. I’m old enough to remember when we went out and signed the likes of Chris Kiwomya and Eddie McGoldrick to add creativity to the team. The only difference is during that so-called “Boring” era, we knew how to defend. Currently, our defensive strategy seems to be running around arbitrarily and hoping somehow our utter stupidity confuses the opposition. As you might imagine, this rarely f*cking works at all.

Here’s Bournemouth’s equaliser…

That certainly looks like top-flight defending, doesn’t it… 4 players crowded around one. But we’ve always been suspect in defence. What’s gotten us out of jail is flair and technical ability in the attacking areas. The lapses in concentration when repelling attacks are nothing new, what truly is noticeable is our lack of anything in attack. You take Mesut Ozil out of the team and we’re toothless and unimaginative. If he does leave – and I cannot imagine he’s giving a lot of thought to staying – we’re going to need to do some serious rebuilding in the summer. Sh*t… We still need to do that if he stays.

As soon as we went 2-1 down, the game was over. At no point did I think we had the attacking options to get ourselves back into it. We have a few players surplus to requirement that still get a game. Jack Wilshere was the one plus point, but he can’t do it alone. It worries me that the manager hasn’t offered him a new deal yet, especially given he’s one of the few top players we have that has repeatedly spoke of his desire to stay. Anything other than offering him a new deal would be so utterly f*cking moronic that I dare not consider it for fear I might actually explode with ‘meh’.

It looks like Alexis will leave and go to the mega-bucks offer of Man United, which is f*cking hideous, The thought of Mourinho coaching Alexis makes me want to vomit into my favourite shoes and them put them on. He was ominously left out of the match day squad yesterday with Arsene giving the following reason:

“It could happen today or tomorrow or not at all. That’s why I didn’t want to travel with him today for him to go somewhere else.

Alexis would have played but this is a difficult period for him. He has always been committed until now.

“He could have moved today or yesterday or not, but it will be decided in the next 48 hours. He is on standby so I decided not to bring him today. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to play.”

Yes – I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult period for him pondering multi-million pound offers. I can’t imagine the anguish and heartache that must cause.

I think the part about him always being committed up until now about says it all. If he doesn’t leave, I’ll be very surprised at it’s for the best he does. He’s been wonderful for Arsenal, but he doesn’t want to be here so we should focus on getting some players that do. Once again, it’s being strongly rumoured that we’ll sign Bordeaux’s Brazilian twinkle-toes, Malcom, but he’s alleged to be a replacement for Walcott, not Sanchez.

Reports suggest we’re after a “bigger” player to replace the departing Chilean midget, and that player could very well be Pierre-Emerick Aumbameyang of Dortmund. With his favour at the German side diminishing for disciplinary reasons (that doesn’t exactly bode well) he’s alleged to be on the market for £60m. Aubameyang is 29 in June so he’d be a good signing for 2-3 seasons. I hope we do aim to go after something big and try to install a bit more attacking verve into the team. I would be equally nice if we’d address the inability to defend.

In all honesty, I just hope we do something, anything to stop this rot. If that means (respectfully) pushing Arsene Wenger out of the door then I’m all for that too. Arsenal are slipping dangerously behind those above us in the table and we don’t have lack of resources as an excuses. We are one of the richest clubs in Europe. We’re being outplayed by the likes of Bournemouth and Nottingham Forest because there’s a problem with more than just finances or the competition to recruit. It’s not a blip or a one-off, it’s a repeated problem that isn’t be tackled.

That’s all for today, folks. I think I’m going to take up heavy drinking and heroin as a coping mechanism. The one tiny ray of light is that Liverpool beat Manchester City so the Invincibles record remains intact for another season.


I’ll be back tomorrow with more pained bleating. Until then, and as always: thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

Soundtrack to this post: 

Bear Hands – ‘Agora’ (Com Truise remix)

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